Mom passed one week ago and I need guidance.

Hi Jeffrey,

So, what happened?

Dear Jeff;

You are falling into the obedient little brother role; JUST STOP.

These idiots can't do an effing thing without YOUR CONSENT.

You can tie them up for YEARS if you want to. I understand that you have no funds. But you can find a job, can't you? You have a place to live, you've been receiving mail at your mom's address? They have to evict you to get you out and that is no easy process for THEM to do.

Who is your mother's lawyer? Have you consulted that person about your idiot sisters' plans?

I apologise for the misunderstanding but on the other hand would it now be unreasonable to urge you to man up?

You are, are you not, a joint executor of your mother's estate? If that is so, then your sisters can make any plans they like but they cannot implement a single one of them without your active co-operation; and if it would suit you better to have, say, a month's or six weeks' delay before the sale to make new living arrangements, or if you have a different opinion about how to realise the value of the house, then you need only fold your arms and insist on their at least considering that option instead.

Stop caring about what absurd grudges your sister thinks it good to bring up at this time and concentrate on the business of the moment. Sad to say, you have the rest of your life to come to terms with losing your mother. Right now, you need to prevent yourself from being bullied into poor decisions.

Jefferysf here. Yes, I am a male and my first name is Jeffery. I have not yet signed anything but they are planning on a short sale and estate sale in a few days. In other words, I have been told that they want me to sign the documents and vacate by the end of this week. But, I have no place lined up to go. My sisters told me the proceeds from the sale will be divided equally four ways with all three of us getting equal amounts and the fourth share going to an estate account. If there is anything left in the estate account we will split that. I am so exhausted that I am tempted just to go along with their wishes just to settle everything so I can move forward. One of my sisters told me yesterday that I forced her to move out when she was seventeen because I scratched some of her records and drew in some of her books... I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD. Since she left home at 17 and got married at 18 (because she was knocked up) then she got divorced and had to take a full time job so she never went to college and somehow that is all my fault. Again, I was five years old and she is blaming her poor life choices on me. Who in the world wants to kick their brother out on the street and blame him for the way their life turned out three weeks after they lose their mother? This is all like a bad dream but I can't wake up because it is real! I guess I will land on my feet and things will straighten out eventually. I have not had enough time to grieve over the loss of my mom and I am having to pack boxes and look for an apartment while trying to process a 40 year old grudge the my sister has been holding onto.

You are protected since you lived in the house & was a caregiver child. Seek legal advice....estate attorney ...don’t let them push you around as you have rights! Stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, they have chosen to pull a fast one & take advantage of your grief stricken state of mind. These are your enemies disguised as “sisters “. You can even continue to live there for however long you desire until you feel up to selling the house. Do NOT listen to these so called “sisters “ . YOU are in the drivers seat; not them!

Disgusted, my guess was that the OP's surname was Jeffreys, but this too was merely a guess.

I then went on to stereotype shamelessly and assume that sisters would not even attempt to pull this kind of stunt on a brother. And then again, of course, while there are honourable exceptions, there's not so many sons providing 24/7 care to their elderly mothers.

Doesn't look like we're ever going to find out, though. Alas.

I'm curious now - I cannot tell for sure as there's nothing much in the profile, however I noted many comments refer to OP as "she" and "her", but the username is jefferysf. I thought this was a male, based on the name, but perhaps there is something I'm not aware of?

In my own case, my user name would not indicate gender...I AM a she... in case anyone cares!

(I thought perhaps most were thinking it was another daughter as in general, but not always, the care-givers are the "girls", not the "boys"!)

I can answer that, Xena - in their own eyes, a practical sibling who just wants to get everything nice and tidy as fast as possible with as few complications as possible and keeping to the letter of whatever instructions were left because that's fair, isn't it. And the reward for hard work bit? - well, if you didn't like it you shouldn't have volunteered, should you.

I'll tell you what, though. Hearing that they fondly asked after you a couple of years later really does stick in the throat. So forgive me if I heartily wish that they'd all drop dead.

Fortunately, it emerges in the OP's case that she is indeed a joint executor of her mother's will, and that should mean that without her active consent that house is going nowhere unless it's at full market value and to a reasonable timescale.

Your sisters are witches with a B.
Don't let them bully you.
What kind of sibling leaves another homeless after he/she has taken care of the parent?

Your sisters do not have the power to evict you & nothing works that fast in the legal system. You are a one third owner and have a say in the disposition of assets. Please consult with a lawyer as it would be well worth the expense. At the very least if they are so insistent on selling the home for a third of its value because they are looking for a quick buck, get a home loan & pay them off to get them out of your hair. You will come out ahead.

I read a previous post about changing locks, posting signs and notifying the police department. Perhaps they will do regular drive bys. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this at such a time.

One more thing - pictures of everything still in the house belonging to you and/or mom. Those are also assets that should go through probate (or be left alone if you own them). This goes with the caveat that these two sleazes could break in and take/toss stuff, including your things! This is why I suggested talking with PD and getting no trespass set up, including them, without your permission. Having an attorney notify them that they are not to enter or take anything out would be best!

jefferysf;

First condolences on your loss. At the very least you will always have your happy memories of your time with mom (what have they got, the little shrews!), knowledge that she was well loved and cared for, and your pup! It would be nice if an arrangement can be made so that you can stay too.

As others have said, first orders of business are:

1) change the locks and I would suggest a consult with the local PD, explain the situation and see if you can get support there. With part ownership, could they get a locksmith or break in when you are not there (would not put it past people like this!)? If they touch your possessions, including the dog (does dog have a chip?), that can be considered theft or vandalism (occurs when an individual destroys, defaces or otherwise degrades someone else's property without their permission; sometimes called criminal damage, malicious trespass, or malicious mischief.) Get the law on your side!!! Trespass at the least, especially if someone can advise you what to send in a certified/return receipt letter to those two.

2) seek an attorney (if the one who drew up everything for mom was an elder care atty, s/he might be your best bet - maybe more expensive, but will know ALL the details and how they can be handled.) Generally they will make payment arrangements, especially if they understand the circumstances.

Read mom's will and the deed to the house carefully. Keep copies in a safe place (in case they break in!)

You indicated you are all three executors, so they *cannot* sell without your signature.

If the house was still deeded to mom, this *MUST* go through probate first - that is not about to happen in 2 weeks. I had to take over for my mother's cousin, and it was about 2 years before the whole process completed, but one would think at least a year (with complication, definitely longer, although with court approval the house sale may be granted, with money going to an ESTATE account, NOT directly to any of you three.) 
BTW, as others noted, POA ends at TOD, so unless mom's accounts had all your names on it (and possibly even if just the sisters were on the accounts), they had NO business using any of mom's funds for a funeral, POA or not. The same rules apply to ANY assets held in mom's name only. This could possibly work in your favor too, if they did not consult you on the funeral arrangements and spent all mom's money....

Even if they attempt eviction, that can take MANY months. Certainly not 2 weeks, and especially since it is not like you are some unknown vagrant squatting in the place (even squatters get more leeway!)

Do not sign or verbally agree to ANYTHING. Personally I wouldn't even discuss the issues with them at this point until you get legal advice (still grieving, and considering options is about all I would reveal to them!)

Once you have some legal advice and backing, find out what the rationale is about selling so cheap. Is it really to Ugly Houses? I never heard of this until recently a cousin told me he did this, because the place needed a LOT of work AND had asbestos insulation, making it too expensive for him to fix. Are they really trying to sell to that company or sleazing you out of a full 1/3 share by selling cheap to a friend or other relative? Does the house really need that much "work"? You've been there 4 years (and likely helped out before that) and one would guess that you took care of things that needed doing...

Attorney could also advise you as to whether the courts would consider you time caring for mom as earning reparation for that time, especially since it depleted your savings (who gives a hoot what those two say - if they did not provide any care or support, screw 'em!)

Unless I am missing something you own 1 third of the house so unless you sign off on contract and sale it cannot be sold...of course get an attorney but reality most likely is they can't sell unless you sign off as co owner so play hard ball..the ball is probably in your court.

You need to talk to a lawyer. Most will give a free consult.

The fact that you took care of your mother, and that the other siblings want to put her dog down, will likely carry a lot of weight in court against them and for you.

had same issue jeff on my end, mom had a will drawn up after dad passed 20 years ago, when she was of sound mind and body, everything to b divided evenly, brother upon mom getting her first stroke and dimentia rythisneaking in there took the original will to another lawyer and put himself getting everything, u need to go to a lawyer and contest your sisters and u are entitled to your fair share, been there and done that, and selling the house for reduced price is NOT a good idea. sold moms house for the cheapest in the area for a "quick" sell, sold i 4 days but didnt have that much money on hand to stay too much longer, but still sold for 229,000 not bad, but get yourself a lawyer, sorry sisters but your being ugly.

My father stipulated in his will that all 3 of us had to be in agreement for the sale of the house.

Maybe this is the loophole you are looking for? Also, does your state have "squatters rights?" Mississippi has squatters rights and legally, even an illegal squatter has the right to remain as long as they live. This could be another loophole for you. Once you leave the premises, this would be voided. So hold your ground if you can.

Sounds like your sisters' are using scare tactics and you're letting them? Stand up to them and say, No Way. Time for some legal aid - and every state has free legal aid for those who cannot afford it. I know I used it once myself. If nothing else, you were not a paid caregiver - a good lawyer could bill your sisters for back wages and that would shut them down for a while.

Completely understand what you mean when you say you felt like in your twenties when with your mom! I feel like in my teenage years (and I’m 45!) lol. I’m so happy to hear your time with your mom was so good, that’s priceless and a true blessing, bigger than any of these problems you’re facing. Cherish that Jeffrey, you’ll see life will smile at you again and soon!

Hi Jeffrey,

I fully understand how emotionally draining this must be. Just remember you put love into action by caring for your mother, and she knew it. That is more important than all this “noise” your sisters are creating.

Now, about the situation. Would you be financially able to buy them out? If they are willing to sell the house for pennies that sounds like a potentially perfect solution for all...yet, that would be possible only if you think you can become able to get a loan from a financial institution. For that you need a job, number one, and a decent credit score, as we all know.

I agree you need legal advice because you need TIME.
How old are you Jeffrey if you don’t mind sharing?

And have you talked to them calmly and as the sibblings you all are? Again it is necessary to look for legal help but also try to address the issue just like human beings. Talk to them, explain your situation, that you depleted your 401k and savings, that you would prefer to stay in the house because it’s been home for you and because of all the memories you have with your mom, that you are from a practical standpoint unable to buy or rent anything right now. BUT please don’t say all of this as a victim or as if you’re asking them a favor, because that is not the case. Remind them you took care of THEIR mother and put your life aside for four years. You’re not begging! just trying to reach an agreement.

Now, every agreement needs to be specific. So, provide a timeframe, tell them for example that in a year you will be in a better position to stand on your two feet financially (and you need to get to work on that immediately!). And I wonder, could you create something like a Rent to Buy agreement? Meaning, you would pay a low rent (low because they are expecting to sell the house for a low price anyway), then pay them their two monthly thirds of rent, For example, if you set a rent of $500/month you would pay them their two thirds of that, which means they will be receiving money (sadly when trying to make people agree to something money always helps).

Also the most important part of a rent to buy agreement is that you set the buying price right now, so if they are willing to sell for a low price then let that price be set on stone NOW. In a year they might change their opinion and want to sell for more, so establish that upfront with a rent to buy agreement. At the end, I see the following as the advantages for all:

- They will be getting money as soon as the agreement starts, which may calm them down.

- The selling price cannot change. You 3 determine what that would be now and in a year that’s what you’ll pay.

- Since it is a fact that you won’t be able to live for free anywhere you’ll likely have the most affordable rent possible...and no risk of being homeless as you are feeling right now,

- This situation forces you, Jeffrey, to get going with your life.. and have a deadline (a year to pick up where you left sort of thing). You need to take your life back, my friend, and that includes being financially productive, having a social life and rediscovering what your interests are, etc.

- Lastly, but probably the most important advantage, would be that you all get to an agreement without fighting, without eviction, and all of you allow yourselves to grieve in peace!

A hug, and good luck!

GET YOU A LAWYER I'm in the same boat but i know my younger brother Wouldn’t do this to me but the older brother would they cannot kick you out in just two weeks if I’m not mistaken because you been living there they Would have to do any Eviction that means going to the court talking with the judge so get with the lawyer and as long as you do not sign any papers get with an attorney change the locks don’t let them have a key to the house

I probably don't know all the facts, and I have read very good advice in the comments, but going down another track.  If they want to sell it for a third of what it is worth, and you will in fact own one third of that third, you could essentially buy the house for 2/3 of 1/3 of the value. 

I don't know the value of course, but assuming 180 (just to make the numbers are easy) that would mean your evil (and yes, they sound evil to me) sisters want to sell it for 60.   20 of that is yours, so you could buy them out for 40, less than one fourth of the value.  And less than one fourth would apply no matter what the real value is.  While your sisters are evil to push you into this, is there a way you could make lemonade out of lemons in this case?

Most realtors would be willing to do a CMA (current market analysis) for you for free. This will give you an idea of what the property is worth based on recent sales and current listings similar to your home in your area. Some realtors have an SRES (senior real estate specialist) designation and have additional training in handling these situations. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and the situation with your sisters.

I just went through all this same type of hell with my brother bullying me. Long story, but DO get an attorney, and do not sign anything. Have sisters communicate with lawyer only. If you have a friend or two to help you with emotional support and/or practical advice, talk with them. you have been through a lot and will come out of this a stronger person in the end. Please do get an attorney NOW. God bless you.

LAWYER UP NOW! Your sisters are real pieces of work. How terrible are they! Do not engage in their mean-spirited ways. And by the way, the person only goes into probate court if your mother's estate in not put into a trust. You should do a lock change out stat!

Unless your sisters were on mom's savings account with her, they could not legally access her money. You need to stay put in the house until the will is probated. Then, they can buy you out or go to court and force a sale. Please consult a lawyer and let us know how this turns out.

Do Not Use Zillow For An Appraised Value. They are notorious for under valuing property. They valued our home $30,000 less than the appraised value.

Your sisters sound like real jerks. What kind of *ss tells her sister who is grieving the mother she cared for to get rid of her dog now? She is a real prize. Is one of them Executor of the estate? If not maybe you can act to have yourself declared executor before they do. You do not have to move right away. Get a lawyer even a free housing court lawyer can slow things up and make them go through an eviction process if necessary. If you own one third, they won' t be able to sell quickly if you refuse to sign. They will have to get a lawyer to sell and to get you out. I agree with one of the posters that sounds as if something sneaky is going on. I bet they are trying to see it to one of their grown kids or maybe a friend. No one sells a house for below market that quickly unless they are up to something and your sisters sound like a sneaky bunch. Also do not let them come into the house without your permission. If they have a key, change the locks. My guess is they will go through everything while you are not home and take all the valuables. Please don't let your sister push you around. Your mom would have wanted you to stay in the house and she would have wanted your to fight for your rights. Be strong. They are bullies and you need to fight back.

I agree that you should get an attorney in your area who is familiar with the issues of real estate law and estate administration. Whether the property is at this moment owned by you and your sisters, or by her estate, depends on the wording of the will and/or the deed, as well as local law. In many states, the only way to force a sale of land when all owners don't agree is to file what is called in my state a partition action. The court process does take a while, and it rarely gets a fair value for the land unless it is particularly valuable. That process protects you from this sort of action - find out your rights and assert them! Good luck.

In California anyway, you can purchase the house if you pay 5% over the appraised value. You will have to get financing or have sisters carry the balance, after deducting your 1/3. You really need a lawyer! Legal aid in your state?? DO NOT MOVE unless they get you evicted...stay until there is NO CHOICE because once you are out, they can probably do anything with the house (rent, sell) and may be even be able to "out-vote" you. Here's something I found. https://info.legalzoom.com/happens-coexecutors-estate-cannot-agree-21436.html Wishing you lots of luck!

I think your sisters are the ones who should go to the shelter and not you. Sell the house if you have to, and find a nice apartment complex that allows pets. I lost my mother 10 years ago; my sister and I sold the house we lived in and moved down the road to a nice apartment complex; we lived just around the corner from one another. My niece would come around when I got finished cleaning up my apartment, she rode on her scooter and me on my bike; I took her to a wire wrapping session at our library and out to dinner. The former complex I lived in has a swimming pool; my sister, her kids, the leasing agent's daughter, and I would be there quite a lot. One could say we all had fun, which we did.

If you lived there for 4 years then it is your home too - so there is no way they can sell it for so little & turf you out because:
1 - you may entitled to more than 1/3 because you were the caregiver [1/2 yours/1/2 mom's] so see a lawyer
2 - you can put a lien on the house for payment of your time if that was not done & your room & board doesn't count
3 - when/if house goes on market you then can stipulate that you have X number of days to leave
4 - check who buys it & if they are friends with either sister then I smell a rat if they are low balling
5 - if you own more than 1/2 [yours 1/3 + any extra as above] then they can't sell it without your permission
6 - refuse to vacate & it will give you time to find a place - what are they going to do ... have you evicted? - start standing up to them
7 - SEE A LAWYER A.S.A.P.