I have not weighed in for a few months on my nutty mom. Been using the advice received here to cope, though its never easy
A week and a half ago my mom fell in her independent living apartment . I insisted I bring her to ER, she didnt want to go but I pretty much forced it
They did CT scans on head and hip where she fell, and pronounced no fractures, so go home. I took her home and she was in utter pain still.
A few days later I went there and she was bedridden and soiled bed as she could not get up. I called ambulance and they brought her into ER again. This time CT scan found compression fractures in vertebrae, I dont get why they didnt get that the first time but it is what it is. And yes, they gave all kind of explanations but i found it terrible.
So she was admitted, and she was so wound up, the doctors finally had to prescribe Seroquel as needed The nurses could not handle her.
I talked to the therapist who has been helping me throughout all this and he was mad, he said the medical establishment failed to deal with her before and now they have her with a broken vertebrae and impossible to deal with. That said, her doctors gave her anxiety meds, but if she didnt take them what can they do?
Finally moved to rehab today. A couple places would not take her as the nurses notes said she was very excitable, impulsive, hard to deal with. (I could not argue with that, its been my life
One place agreed to take her and a very very nice nurse greeted us and got her to her room and brought her food. They begin PT and OT assessments tomorrow, but not supposed to stand until then. I forgot something and went back to her room and she was scurrying around on walker. They are supposed to prevent that, but in their defense they cannot watch her every minutes. The other rehabs were probably right
I left as being there just gets her worked up. A PT while she was as the hospital says it was weird how my mom can be OK, then when I show up she goes into overdrive. Why stay with her if my presence does not comfort her Basically, when I am there she assumes I can fix everything and when I cant or wont, she goes nuts .
She has called my brother and me several times since I dropped her off demanding we come and get her
I am half assuming she will fall again and wind up in SNF for good, or the place will call us in a day or two saying they cannot deal with her. But in a way short of just camping out in her room at rehab, there is nothing I can do.
Also, while the Seroquel seemed to help her at the first hospital, now, when she got worked up I reminded the nurses they were authorized to give her Seroquel up to three times a day as needed.
But they always seem reluctant to do it, and too bad as I hoped they would give it to her to make it easier for THEM to deal with her.
I guess maybe the rehab will let us know, but I dont now what her next step will be. Assisted living for sure, but maybe more. I dont know if there are elder care places for psychiatric cases.
And I guess this is my problem, but despite how mean she is to me (In hospital, she said I am just as unreliable as the nurses there, though nurses were doing a good job and i am on the go 12 hours a day on this
I still feel guilty sitting home and her all alone and scared in first night of rehab.
Sh1te. Big pile of it.
This will be tough. On Mom. On you, until Mom makes a safe landing somewhere after rehab.
Well it is what it is. Tough. But we are here to listen/read! 🤗
My 2 cents is:
1c Banish all guilt. You did not cause this.
2c Camping out with Mom not reasonable. Extinguish that thought.
Wait & see what happens.
But since then, the nurses seem reluctant to give her one. I am assuming there is some method to the madness here. I would think they would do it for their OWN benefit.
Thinking of you!
Much of what is happening here is a matter of living too long. These falls and injuries are inevitable.
As to guilt, this isn't your fault. You didn't cause it and can't fix it so guilt is inappropriate and a waste of precious time.
I hope that hospice and/or palliative care in now involved. There is going to be a need for close monitoring and pain medication and 24 hour care will be required. I am so very sorry. Age destroys our ability to keep balance. If we live long enough this is where we are all heading, and there is so very little to be done about it. It's a great tragedy for our last years and for our families standing helpless witness to it.
Your mom sounds like a pistol. If going forward and she refuses therapy, continues with stupid decisions and gets into more accidents (remember that no one can tie her down) then you might notice the writing on the wall that she will need a higher level of care and may fall again.
Try working with staff suggestions. You can scout for places but you already describe that few may accept her.
Please keep sending us updates as things progress or deteriorate.