She has also been hospitalized during the beginning of her dementia for hitting Dad and hiding a gun and bullets and threatening to kill him. We found the gun and bullets during that hospitalization. And she never went to the psychiatrist that was recommended to her. Dad protects her. He has Catholic guilt from cheating on her over 40 years ago. My question is, I have medical POA on both of them and doctors that will declare, if Dad goes first, that she cannot make her own decisions. The only thing they own is a mobile home on rented land. Should I engage an eldercare attorney now? I will not be able to care for Mom if Dad goes first. So I need to make sure I have a clear plan.
The question of a Lawyer will come to the fore when you need to seek conservatorship or guardianship to place Mom after Dad passes should he pass first, and Mom still not be placed. Meanwhile begin to find out how best to seek guardianship in your own state. Another thread on the Forum has several opinions on how to do that, And that is if you WANT to seek guardianship. For myself I would NOT. I would not want to have guardianship and be responsible for this person the rest of their natural life, so I would allow for State guardianship and placement.
If you choose to you surely could request and pay for an hour of time to see if there are any pointers you can have now from a Lawyer.
What a sad situation. I am so sorry for it. I wish you so much luck.
You will find various resources here that night prove helpful in the future.
Your parents can be assessed for which services they might qualify for.
https://www.capcog.org/divisions/area-agency-on-aging/