That was 10 months ago. The cardiologist told us to "call hospice..she'll be gone in 6 months. They wanted to do a TAVR, which she didn't want. I moved her in with me in March. We started with hospice about 6 weeks ago, after she felt like she had a heart attack. It was the best decision! She is now fighting a UTI. She has become very disoriented and has no memory except from her childhood. I know that is a common symptom of UTI's in the elderly, but even after a course of antibiotics, she's still the same. Do we keep fighting the UTIs? She doesn't feel any pain and thinks she is fine. She sleeps a great portion of the day as well as the night. She eats a little at each meal, but is sometimes too tired to eat. My father passed away about 25 years ago, and she wants to be with him. It's so hard to know the right thing to do. I have 3 siblings that "want her to live", but they see her about 1 every 2 weeks when they take her to lunch. They "want her to live to see their latest grandchild, their next birthday etc..", but they don't see the difficulties she experiences day to day. I love her with every fiber of my being, but I'm struggling too. Hospice workers tell me they can tell me if her "symptoms" are getting worse, but most likely she'll just pass in her chair or bed. How do I know the right way to treat her?
The rest about listening to family -- you can listen, but this is your mother's journey. She has the say-so about how she wants it to go. I do agree with the path she has chosen for herself. She seems very wise, and you seem very loving. I would keep doing exactly what you are doing already.
I think the hospice medical staff would be in a better position now to give an indication of what they anticipate her longevity will be - they're seeing her more frequently.
I would keep fighting the UTI's; no one really knows how long your mother may live, and if the UTIs can be controlled, then so much the better as that will eliminate complications from those infections.
As to the family, I would take the approach that we all know, regardless of age - life is uncertain. Visit now, treat each day as if it might be the last, and don't have any regrets that someone didn't come, didn't say what he/she wanted to express to your mom, or that they may have held out for an event sometime farther on down the line.
I think it's really hard for siblings who want a parent to see a "next" family event; there's a juxtaposition between their anticipation of a happy event vs. the challenges your mother faces on a minute to minute basis.