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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If the assisted living has an activities director get in touch with him/her and ask them if they would make it a point to knock on your mom's door when there's an activity. And make sure your mom has a schedule of the activities that you can look at to encourage her to join in.
Is your mom new to assisted living? If so, maybe she just doesn't exactly know how to participate. No one likes being the new person. Maybe you can visit a few times when there are scheduled activities and you and your mom can join in. Your mom might feel less vulnerable if you're there and she can see that the activities are pleasant and that the people are nice. But I think with dementia, your mom might have to be led to the activities as opposed to keeping track of when and where they are and getting there on her own. This is where the activities people come in. I'd bet they'd be happy to encourage your mom to join them.
Tryingourbest, I feel when an elder is now living in Assisted Living and has been there for awhile, it is best to let them choose how they want to spend their day.
My Dad was in Assisted Living and was on the shy side, thus he refused if someone wanted him to join an activity unless it was music related. Dad's private caregiver [only mornings] tried to drag him to activities without much luck. Dad did enjoy sitting in the sun rooms and watching the outside world, and occasionally would chat with someone.
Dad was happy as a clam to sit in his recliner reading the daily newspaper and watching the 24 hour local cable news. But it was get out of his way when it was time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner where he had other gentlemen of his age to talk.
Maybe the activity around her is simply too stimulating for her mind.
I don't have dementia and when too much is going on around me, wow, I can feel, overwhelmed, anxious and aggrivated.
If she doesn't seem sad, I'd let her be. At least let her make this small choice for herself. So much has been taken away now mentally, physically, intellectually and emotionally that it may make you feel bad for her. Maybe it's only sad to us, she might be just fine alone.
I like both answers given. Try a little nudge but let her do what she wants. Pick up the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It helps put things in perspective.
Well it’s good that she still wants to have lunch with the ladies. I think I would just check her blood work, her vitals and her weight. Does she take an antidepressant or seemed depressed? Did she recently become incontinent? Have you checked her feet, toenails? Does she seem to wince or show signs of pain when you check her over? Any medication changes? Constipation? Did she have a problem with any of the others during an activity? Perhaps a round of PT would get her going again. Would her doctor order it for her? She sounds very sweet. Since she used to be very active I would be a little concerned too.
Tinkering may not stimulate the brain, but neither does bingo. It is good that she still socializes. She used to color when she was in her room alone. Do you have any idea why she has stopped this? That can't have anything to do with the one lady she dislikes, can it, or about what her friend does?
Dose she seem content? Agitated? Depressed? Sad? If she is in good spirits, I'm not sure increasing her activity level is necessary/appropriate. If she is sad or frightened or having other issues try to think about how to solve those issues and she may want to increase activities on her own.
Dementia progresses. It gets worse. You can't count on her being the same as she was 6 months ago, and she'll be different 6 months from now. I think the most important thing is if she seems comfortable and content.
I don’t know if personality can change with dementia from extrovert to introvert but introverted people need lots of quiet time. And also, after my mom’s stroke she seems to have trouble on occasion articulating what she wants to say, so she gets quiet and either just listens to others talk or goes to her room for quiet time. Sometimes she speaks very clearly too so dementia is just mysterious in it’s symptoms.
Hearing issues can also be a deterrent to interaction with others. And sometimes the activities aren't that useful. When my mother was in rehab, I remember wondering to myself: How many beaded necklaces can someone make or even use when they're living in a facility? Are they going to wear these at home?
Activities can also require dexterity, which sometimes people lose not only b/c of age but b/c of arthritis and other issues.
I think that an activity which produces something for someone in need could be very appealing. It engages a basic need to help others.
And I still believe that music is transcendent and is perhaps the best activity ever.
The problem with Mom is that she did all of the activities, crafts, religious services and bus trips when she first moved in. She also colored (color pencil/adult coloring books) in her room and very much enjoyed this hobby. She was actually very talented with her choice of colors. She stopped doing all of this.. She does however enjoy her meal time to mingle with the residents. That's her social time.
See sees several doctors on a regular basis. Her vitals are good. We know the reason for why she stopped the bus trips. She doesn't care for one of the ladies who goes to everything. According to her, the daily activities at her facilty are boring and she hates bingo. She attached herself to one lady and it's all about her. Her friend doesn't do the activities so maybe this could be the reason. It's a shame. I know the staff will try to get her involved but they can't force her. She sits in her room and tinkers. Tinkering doesn't stimulates the brain.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is your mom new to assisted living? If so, maybe she just doesn't exactly know how to participate. No one likes being the new person. Maybe you can visit a few times when there are scheduled activities and you and your mom can join in. Your mom might feel less vulnerable if you're there and she can see that the activities are pleasant and that the people are nice. But I think with dementia, your mom might have to be led to the activities as opposed to keeping track of when and where they are and getting there on her own. This is where the activities people come in. I'd bet they'd be happy to encourage your mom to join them.
My Dad was in Assisted Living and was on the shy side, thus he refused if someone wanted him to join an activity unless it was music related. Dad's private caregiver [only mornings] tried to drag him to activities without much luck. Dad did enjoy sitting in the sun rooms and watching the outside world, and occasionally would chat with someone.
Dad was happy as a clam to sit in his recliner reading the daily newspaper and watching the 24 hour local cable news. But it was get out of his way when it was time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner where he had other gentlemen of his age to talk.
I don't have dementia and when too much is going on around me, wow, I can feel, overwhelmed, anxious and aggrivated.
If she doesn't seem sad, I'd let her be. At least let her make this small choice for herself. So much has been taken away now mentally, physically, intellectually and emotionally that it may make you feel bad for her. Maybe it's only sad to us, she might be just fine alone.
Pick up the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.
It helps put things in perspective.
I think I would just check her blood work, her vitals and her weight. Does she take an antidepressant or seemed depressed? Did she recently become incontinent? Have you checked her feet, toenails? Does she seem to wince or show signs of pain when you check her over? Any medication changes? Constipation? Did she have a problem with any of the others during an activity?
Perhaps a round of PT would get her going again. Would her doctor order it for her?
She sounds very sweet. Since she used to be very active I would be a little concerned too.
Dose she seem content? Agitated? Depressed? Sad? If she is in good spirits, I'm not sure increasing her activity level is necessary/appropriate. If she is sad or frightened or having other issues try to think about how to solve those issues and she may want to increase activities on her own.
Dementia progresses. It gets worse. You can't count on her being the same as she was 6 months ago, and she'll be different 6 months from now. I think the most important thing is if she seems comfortable and content.
Activities can also require dexterity, which sometimes people lose not only b/c of age but b/c of arthritis and other issues.
I think that an activity which produces something for someone in need could be very appealing. It engages a basic need to help others.
And I still believe that music is transcendent and is perhaps the best activity ever.
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