Hi, I have no idea what to do. I'm 20 years old, in college, and worked part time before the corona stuff. My dad works 6-7 days a week, we live with a severely autistic & aggressive sister, and I think my mom is starting to develop dementia or something (and she is also an alcoholic who doesn't believe she is). She has started acting really weird, talking a little differently, acting same questions repeatedly, making the same errors repeatedly, and forgot the money issues we had been dealing with for a year and a half! When we explained to her our money situation 3 times, she still didn't get it. Last year she was really bad and mean, but the hospital only kept her for a few days and then sent her back home smh. She got much better after a month of that but has always been strange and forgetful since last year, and now she's way stranger than usual again. This is so long and I am still struggling to explain. We wanted to make an appointment with a psychiatrist but they're closed due to the corona stuff. I'm afraid we won't be able to get help with her due to the corona stuff (and also last year we didnt get much when the world wasn't crazy). I really don't know what to do, I don't know much about dementia or if she even has it, and my dad and I have no support. Neither of us can take care of my mom as my dad is always working or taking care of my sister and I have school and mental issues of my own that makes my life really difficult:'( I wish I could talk to someone who could help
BTW, many doctors and hospitals are cancelling non urgent visits and encouraging Tele visits instead. I just had my lab work follow up with my regular PCP via an app session - it was just as effective.
If he's working every day, trying to look after your sister (how old is she, older or younger than you?), and now having to support your mother too - no, it's just not going to work. And what happens if he breaks down?
What does he says about how he sees this going? Can you talk the situation through with him?
He says that we should wait to take my mom to the hospital until she is at her worst. She stutters & is losing it, but no one would be able to tell she's losing it unless they spent 30+ mins with her. Problem is that if we took her to hospital or called someone is that they'd only stay for 5 mins and then leave. My mom's friend is visiting tomorrow and he might ask her if my mom could stay with her some time or if my friend could convince her to go to hospital. Neither of us could convince to get checked up. Sorry this is so long
My heart is broken for you. I am so very sorry for all that you are dealing with, both individually and as a family. It sounds overwhelming and I can’t begin to imagine what your days are like. First, let me commend you for going to college. Are you attending St Pete College? I ask because they have a Student Assistance Counseling Program that provides counseling and support for students in need so that you can ultimately be a successful student. Most colleges and universities have similar programs. In Pinellas county, there are a few other options as well. The first is PEHMS. 727-545-6477. Their 24-hr mental health line is 727-541-4628. Check out their website. They even have a mobile crisis response team. Another contact is NAMI. 727-826-0807. Also consider contacting TheHopeLine. You can check out their website as well. They are professionals and can mentor you with solid, real world advice.
I sincerely hope that you are able to find the resources you need. Ultimately, it’s your dad that will have to seek help for your mom but I’m hoping some of these suggestions can offer assistance, not just for your mom but for you and your family as well. You already know, but I want to remind you to not hesitate to call 911 if you ever feel that you or your family are not safe.
Now for some old lady advice: I grew up in a bad situation too. The best thing I did was to get out, to emancipate myself from what was going on at home. I felt like it was a matter of survival, and it was. I know that’s easier said than done but perhaps you can go away to school. There are a few colleges in the country that are tuition free and pride themselves in a work-study curriculum, including room and board. Another option is the military, maybe even the Coast Guard. Just food for thought.
Please stay safe. It may be tough to access solid resources during the pandemic but don’t give up. You are worth it. Please keep us updated with how you are doing.
With his work, your sisters issues and all other circumstances he is fortunate with a son wanting to help. Arm yourself dear one with information.
" Knowledge is power"! There is a plethora of information on this site and many others on line. Learn as much as you can in time you can afford and ASAP to know what you are dealing with re: your mothers issues. Symptoms,
what to do , how to do it. Etc. Please do stay in touch here. A great place to
rant , & ask questions. It's good to be able to communicate w/ people that understand , don't judge or criticize. You are unique and special
But. But. But.
Your father is out at work most of the time.
If your father is having to use physical strength to contain your sister's behaviour, then your sister is not getting the right support in the right environment.
And I'm not surprised your mother has broken down. Has she been your sister's primary caregiver for as long as you can remember?
It is your *sister* and your *father* who need better answers. What is being done to address your sister's care and support needs? Who else is involved?
Is your dad willing to consider an alternative living arrangement for your sister? Like a supervised group home or LTC facility? Does she receive SSDI? He could start by contacting your county's social services (through the Dept of Health and Human Services) to find out if she qualifies for any sort of in-home care or if she's a Medicaid candidate which would pay for her to live in a facility. If your dad is not willing to do either of these things, you should move out because it signals that he's not willing to consider the most probable solutions. He should also consider that he is co-dependent with your mom's alcoholism and also an enabler. You don't need to join him in this dysfunction. You must not. So, do a little research on the above and have a discussion with just him to see if he's willing. Then you will know what your next steps will be. May you have peace and hope in your heart that things can change for the better.