My spouse with BvFTD has been living in bed and only leaves it for the bathroom. He watches TV all day and night. I talked with him about the health impacts and asked if he is content to live this way. It surprised me that he told me that he watches meaningful TV documentaries and the news. He is very happy to live this way. Should I be more accepting of his choice and stop trying so hard to get him interested in life beyond his room and TV?
My MIL decided to stop getting out of bed during her time in AL. Since they can't force her, she eventually lost all her musculature and is now bedridden in LTC. The "upside" to this is that Medicaid now pays for this. The staff was eventually able to coax her to join in on other activities and she engages with the staff a lot. Sometimes care in the home cloisters our LOs where being in a more social setting would benefit them more mentally and emotionally. The facility even takes my MIL out on a pontoon (in her wheelchair) and has raised garden beds. She is doing really well there.
Is your husband on any medications for depression? If not, maybe consider this. IMO he may possibly be depressed.
Did this start with his dementia, or was he always a bed lover-couch-potato- type?
No one had a life he loved more, or a gentler, happier man, but as he moved through his 80s my dad became more and more sedentary, more an more in love with his rocking brown recliner. Content to read, watch a bit of tube. And always in love with his nap. My mom was more social and more a doer at their retirement village. Dad was not, and in his early 90s he told me he really only longed to stay in bed forever and to have the "last long nap". He was very content in this.
Quite honestly, with you hubby's diagnosis, I don't see why this cannot be his own choice. I don't see the need to push for quantity of life; just let him enjoy his own version of quality. Some folks with FTD have a very difficult time, a lot of unhappiness and outbursts, and as you describe your problem, your husband seems quite content. A cause for celebration, perhaps?
Best of luck to you.
And hopefully that will mean getting out to do lunch or supper with friends, going to church, talking walks, going shopping and whatever else floats your boat.
Just because you husband has chosen to basically stop living his life doesn't mean that you have to stop living and enjoying yours.
After my late husband had his massive stroke he too didn't want to go places anymore, but he knew I was a people person and liked to go and do, so I did. I continued meeting with my girlfriends, going to church, going shopping and even took many day trips.
And I continued to do things even after my late husband became completely bedridden, as I had a security camera in the room where he was, so I could check on him even when I was out and about.
Our lives don't have to stop just because we think that our spouses lives have.
So get out there and start living and enjoying your life, and let your husband enjoy his as he sees fit.
I'd leave well enough alone and get on with YOUR life, realizing you've lost the old partner you once had, sadly. Hire sitters for DH and take Funkygrandma's good advice, thats what I'd do.
I'm glad to hear that hubby is content, that's a real blessing!
Best of luck.
Take him some chocolates and realize it could be worse. Bad behavior and other things that are harder to handle. Maybe he’s earned this rest.