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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Don't do it. I did. It was a mistake. I promised myself I would do the right thing and take care of my parents and grandparents. So I stopped working years ago and I've done it ever since. It was a mistake. It's taken a toll on me financially, physically and emotionally. I'm a wreck. I had a six figure salary and stock options. It's cost me millions. I used to be in really great shape and went to the gym everyday. I had a resting heart rate in the high 50's and even my doctors told me I was like someone 20 years younger than I was. Now I'm chubby, comfort food, and my resting heart rate is in the high 70's. Emotionally, I'm just waiting for it to all end.
Don't expect gratitude or even a simple thanks for everything you do. I get a constant stream of derision because they think I'm being to controlling. Like don't play with knives, wash your hands(with soap!) after you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth before going to sleep and lately don't throw the plates. We've had to switch to paper.
Keep your job. Keep your health. Keep your sanity. Even if you have to pour every cent you make into paying for professional care, it's worth it. For you and your relationship with your loved ones.
Lourdesa, some other factors come into play in a decision like this, too, in addition to financial.
How well have you and your mom gotten along over the years? Was she loving and nurturing during your childhood? Have you been friends as adults?
What is your mother's personality like? Does she tend to be bossy? Is she dependent, liking other people to make decisions for her? Is she appreciative? Is she very negative, and nothing is good enough for her? Is she reasonably compliant with what her healthcare professionals suggest?
What are her needs? Your profile says she has diabetes. In itself that doesn't generally require a caregiver, but there can be many complications and care may be needed for those. If you were with your mother all day, what kinds of things would you be doing for her that she cannot do for herself? Does she have impairments in addition to complications of diabetes? Does she have depression, do you think?
Are her conditions likely to become progressively worse?
Is it possible that your mother's needs could be met by some part-time in-home care? For example, if she has a hard time bathing or if it is risky for her to take a shower alone, her doctor could order a bath aide to visit on a regular schedule. Meals on Wheels may be a big help if she has trouble fixing her meals. If other people were handling some of the day-to-day care, you could continue to work and continue the role of a loving adult child. If mom hires a cleaning service, you could spend your time playing cards with her instead of scrubbing the toilet.
It is admirable that you want to help your mother. Maybe that will mean quitting your job. Maybe you could be very helpful and still be working. Perhaps reducing your work hours would be a good compromise. Think this through very carefully. The decision you make now will have an impact on the rest of your life.
Lourdesa-- This is a sweet and wonderful thing you want to do--BUT, maybe right now it seems like the best possible thing...and 10, 15 years from now, you may be thinking "what was I THINKING?" You don't give us much info, so you need to think this through very clearly. Brother moved both my parents in with him 18 years ago. At the time, daddy was suffering from Parkinson's and mother was exhausted caring for him. Some kind of financial agreement was talked about--to compensate my brother for having to quit his 2nd job to care for the folks. In the end the agreement was not honored, brother nearly lost his home to foreclosure, as part of the agreement was that my parents would pay off his house, instead of paying monthly 'rent'. They did neither. Now mother is there, alone, demanding, draining and emotionally it's taking such a toll on my brother and his family. I asked him the other day if he'd do it again and he unhesitatingly said "NO!". Due to personality conflicts, and a lot of other dynamics---it just hasn't been a good environment and all involved have lost a lot. Maybe it would work for you---but your mother WILL get older, WILL need more help, and it WILL take it's toll on you. Really, only you can answer this, don't make any hasty decisions at all!! The role of caregiving makes you a different person than just being her "child". Tread lightly.
Lourdesa, depending on the type of job you have, here are some things to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose over the years between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary over those years... it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance coverage....
loss of money being put into Social Security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
You sound like you are really ready to quit work and to be a caregiver full-time. I assume your Mom has other health issues that would require someone to be with her all the time. Please give us more information when you have a chance.
Lourdesa I've felt the same impulse for years mainly because it is so hard to maintain high performance at a demanding job when you're also taking care of someone depending on a whole host of factors please consider things carefully
Lourdesa, tell us a bit more about how things are. Most people cannot afford to quit work to take care of their parents. Unless you have enough money or your mother can pay you, this is something you may not want to do. If you do quit work, you will lose your paycheck. You will also lose pension and social security credits. Many people cannot afford to do this. I would recommend taking a serious look at your finances before you consider doing this.
Think about it, your income will be gone and if you think you will get paid to care for her, guess again. Ask some people who have done this, they will tell you they wish they hadn't.
Lourdesa, are you still on-line? We haven't heard back from you since you posted your question about 3 days ago. Please return and help us know more about what is going on :)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don't expect gratitude or even a simple thanks for everything you do. I get a constant stream of derision because they think I'm being to controlling. Like don't play with knives, wash your hands(with soap!) after you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth before going to sleep and lately don't throw the plates. We've had to switch to paper.
Keep your job. Keep your health. Keep your sanity. Even if you have to pour every cent you make into paying for professional care, it's worth it. For you and your relationship with your loved ones.
How well have you and your mom gotten along over the years? Was she loving and nurturing during your childhood? Have you been friends as adults?
What is your mother's personality like? Does she tend to be bossy? Is she dependent, liking other people to make decisions for her? Is she appreciative? Is she very negative, and nothing is good enough for her? Is she reasonably compliant with what her healthcare professionals suggest?
What are her needs? Your profile says she has diabetes. In itself that doesn't generally require a caregiver, but there can be many complications and care may be needed for those. If you were with your mother all day, what kinds of things would you be doing for her that she cannot do for herself? Does she have impairments in addition to complications of diabetes? Does she have depression, do you think?
Are her conditions likely to become progressively worse?
Is it possible that your mother's needs could be met by some part-time in-home care? For example, if she has a hard time bathing or if it is risky for her to take a shower alone, her doctor could order a bath aide to visit on a regular schedule. Meals on Wheels may be a big help if she has trouble fixing her meals. If other people were handling some of the day-to-day care, you could continue to work and continue the role of a loving adult child. If mom hires a cleaning service, you could spend your time playing cards with her instead of scrubbing the toilet.
It is admirable that you want to help your mother. Maybe that will mean quitting your job. Maybe you could be very helpful and still be working. Perhaps reducing your work hours would be a good compromise. Think this through very carefully. The decision you make now will have an impact on the rest of your life.
This is a sweet and wonderful thing you want to do--BUT, maybe right now it seems like the best possible thing...and 10, 15 years from now, you may be thinking "what was I THINKING?" You don't give us much info, so you need to think this through very clearly.
Brother moved both my parents in with him 18 years ago. At the time, daddy was suffering from Parkinson's and mother was exhausted caring for him. Some kind of financial agreement was talked about--to compensate my brother for having to quit his 2nd job to care for the folks. In the end the agreement was not honored, brother nearly lost his home to foreclosure, as part of the agreement was that my parents would pay off his house, instead of paying monthly 'rent'. They did neither.
Now mother is there, alone, demanding, draining and emotionally it's taking such a toll on my brother and his family.
I asked him the other day if he'd do it again and he unhesitatingly said "NO!". Due to personality conflicts, and a lot of other dynamics---it just hasn't been a good environment and all involved have lost a lot.
Maybe it would work for you---but your mother WILL get older, WILL need more help, and it WILL take it's toll on you.
Really, only you can answer this, don't make any hasty decisions at all!!
The role of caregiving makes you a different person than just being her "child". Tread lightly.
loss of money being put into Social Security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
You sound like you are really ready to quit work and to be a caregiver full-time. I assume your Mom has other health issues that would require someone to be with her all the time. Please give us more information when you have a chance.
DON'T.
I've felt the same impulse for years mainly because it is so hard to maintain high performance at a demanding job when you're also taking care of someone
depending on a whole host of factors please consider things carefully
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