Last evening my mother- was taken to the toilet by wheelchair. Caregiver said that my mom bit her, so she bit her back. My mom has reverted to scratching and trying to bite, to be left alone since she doesn't want to get up to be taken to the toilet (even after she has urine soaked diapers). I find this behavior to be unacceptable, even though the caregiver has been with us for a while, and has been there for us. Any feedback would be helpful.
Resorting to physical violence is always a deal breaker in my opinion. This isn't a kill or be killed situation where it is justified in the least.
Could it be time for a village for your mom?
I wonder if she isn't experiencing some pain and since she can't articulate that, she is striking out trying to stop the cause of her pain.
Can you get the caregiver some additional training and a vacation?
If she is burned out, her judgment is only going to go downhill.
Have you talked to her about her being overwhelmed or in over her head? It's okay if mom has declined beyond her skill level, she just needs to fess up.
You are totally correct, this is elder abuse.
Good luck finding new CGs for your mom, or better yet, getting her placed.
It may have just been a reaction. She didn't have to fess up. If she is a good caregiver I might let that go. See how things go for now.
I agree that mom’s behavior should be addressed by the physician. However, I have witnessed many combative patients who act out because of the way a caregiver is treating them. People assume it’s dementia but they are merely acting out in defense.
I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it. Simply letter her go. She had a reflex reaction, but there is no guarantee it won't happen again. There are really well-trained caregivers out there that may be better suited to care for your mom; you just need to find them. :-)
That being said, perhaps the question you should be asking is "Why is my mom reacting so violently?" Isthisreally touched on it a bit, but there may be something else bothering your mom (physical or emotional) that she no longer has the ability to articulate, so she lashes out physically. It could be as "simple" as she's absolutely horrified that she soiled herself, and having someone help take care of it is even worse. Or, it could be something physical, so I would see a doctor about anything you might suspect.
My sister had the audacity to hire an attorney (over a year ago) to attempt to take the POA away from me. Of course she is fine with me taking care of my mother, but just wants to control her money, since she lives 1,000 miles away and has not visited in over 4 years (she always has some excuse as to why she can't come). It would really be nice for her to say "thank you for taking care of mom, what can I do to help.." but instead I had to block her and her husband's calls, and her texts to me, since she lies and when she last spoke to our mom she tells her that she is going to die...who frickin does this?
I realize that this is no picnic, I love my mom very dearly, and believe that 5 years ago when my mom gave me POA because she trusts me. Is anyone else having family dynamics?