My mom has declined rapidly over the last week. She has dementia. She moves only her arms in slow movements like she reaching. When I ask her questions or talk to her she moves her mouth and sometimes she will mumble or moan. Sometimes she will just moan so I think she may be having pain. I give her morphine and lorazepam. I also place an ABHR suppository if she is overly agitated. She is pretty uncommunicative. Her eyes open in slits now. She has her head pitched back at what I would consider an uncomfortable position with her mouth open. Her breathing is shallow and rapid. She was drinking from a straw until yesterday. I have started offering her water on swabs the hospice nurse gave us. She will suck on them. It seems she is thirsty. She has stopped eating and not taking her protein shakes. This is my first experience up close and personal caring for a dying person. Are these things to be expected? How do I truly know if needs something since she is no longer communicating. I’m not sure what I’m doing here.
He stopped eating and drinking. He became unconscious. Speak to the nurse and the social worker. The social worker also gave me a booklet to read. My brother was in an end of life facility.
I know that this is a difficult transition. I am sorry. Others will help answer this question so hang around.
Take care.
Certainly, providing utmost care to someone is a fulfilling job and enjoyable to boot. It teaches one to care for others and to see the value in other people. However, despite the fun and lessons that it brings, caregiving is such a challenging responsibility. There several challenges encountered by caregivers while doing their job; the most common of which are anxiety, mental stress, financial issues, poor work-life balance, exhaustion, and more. To avoid being overpowered by these challenges, caregivers should be active, careful, and cautious all the time.
If you are giving her suppositories to help her, HOSPICE should be by your side, literally.
CALL HOSPICE RIGHT NOW, AND TELL THEM YOU ARE NOT SURE WHAT IS GOING ON AND YOU WANT SOMEONE RIGHT NOW TO GIVE YOU A PHYSICAL SECOND OPINION ON WHAT STAGE YOUR MOM LOOKS LIKE SHE IS IN..
CALL HOSPICE NOW AND TELL THEM THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE WITH MOM, YOU WANT HER COMFORTABLE, AND SHE DOESNS'T LOOK LIKE SHE IS AT EASE. YOU ARE NOT SURE HOW TO GET HER EASY.
CALL HOSPICE NOW, BECAUSE THEY SHOULD BE THERE NOT JUST FOR HER BUT FOR YOU TOO. AND TELL THEM YOU WANT SOMEONE OVER NOW.. WHEN CAN YOU COME OVER?
I probably would give her more ativan and morphine.. My mom was spewing out fluid from nose, mouth, etc. It was not fun and she was suffocating... I didn't know about the ativan, until the Angel of Hospice came by and cleaned her up, prppped her on her side, so the fluids would run out instead of back in. He cleaned her up, gave her ativan, eased the brain.
SO -- CALL HOSPICE... You do not need to do this alone.
My experience was bad, but you don't need to do this by yourself. The least they can do is talk with you over the phone. It would be best if they come by...no matter what time.
for feeding, she may need a G-tube
My mil, while still non-verbally communicative, stopped eating and drinking. They told me not to force her or she might choke. She did suck on those swabs vigorously at times (and again, I worried about her choking). There were times when I could tell she wasn't at peace so I gave her the ativan. And I never went to a higher dosage of morphine because she didn't seem to be having any pain breakthroughs.
The hardest for me was changing her panties. I was so afraid of hurting her with all the maneuvering I would do. And it would be during those times her eyes would open and she would look at me but I didn't feel like she was seeing me. And yes, her head was way back in a way that I thought was uncomfortable BUT her oxygen number went up and we were able to stop giving her oxygen. It was available if her numbers went down but she stayed consistently above 97 after years of struggling to get her there with the supplemental oxygen. I was told this is not unusual.
She lingered like this for three weeks. The hospice nurse said there was some unfinished business. I took a guess at what that was (booking a vacation for my husband and I -- she had always said that when I was done taking care of her, we were to go to Florida) and when I told her I'd bought theme park tickets, she nodded her head and died 45 minutes later.
Did Hospice give you any information, a pamphlet on what to expect? If not there is a real good one you can read on line called "Crossing the Creek" it explains a lot.
If you have any questions or fears you can call your Hospice 24/7 and someone will be able to answer your questions.
You can also ask if they have a Vigil service, someone will come and sit with you and mom. These are generally trained volunteers that have had a lot of experience. (they may have suspended volunteer services but you can ask about vigil services)
There are signs you can look for as she is getting closer to death. Breathing changes, you may hear sounds, commonly called "Death Rattle" (Cheyne-Stokes), you may see coloring of the skin change (Mottling) and one particular pressure sore can develop called a Kennedy Ulcer. It does not always happen but if it does death is usually within 24 to 48 hours. Sopping eating and drinking but that can happen days before death sometimes longer. Urine will become very dark but that would be expected if one is not drinking or eating.
The Hospice nurse told me that some people just want to die alone, or they do not want you to be there, they will wait until you leave the room to go get a drink, go to the bathroom and they will die. Almost as if they do not want to cause you more hurt.
Just hold moms hand, tell her you will be alright, thank her for all she has taught you. Tell her that you love her.
(((hugs))) to you.
Best wishes
My Dad passed Feb 2018..As you’re doing, I would keep his mouth moist, put chapstick on his lips, hold his hand..I noticed, the tenseness in his muscles would subside when I would very gently massage his shoulders, temple..
I talked to him, told him to relax, let go, I would take care of Mom...
Sending prayers to you & Mom..A very tough time, you are doing all the right things for her..God Bless you both..We all understand this transition!🙏🏻❤️🤗😇
I know because my mother is going through the same thing as the OP is right now! Blessedly, her memory care facility is still letting me visit, but that is not true everywhere. Also, her hospice provider told me at the beginning of thIs pandemic that they would no longer be visiting facilities! Nevertheless, I have put in a phone call and am hoping they can at least give me advice over the phone!
Talk I her. Tell her love her and that she did a good job being a mother and you will be ok.I
As far as drugs are considered, ask if is possible to have patches. My mother is on pain killer patches changed weekly. There is no specific reason other than that pain is the only explanation for some of her behaviour. She gets bouts of constipation, skin tears from throwing herself out of her wheelchair, and it took some months to clear up a pressure sore sustained by using her feet to propel her wheelchair for long periods.
This may be a pitter pill to swallow, but it sounds as though you need to be prepared for her passing.
God bless you for taking such good care of her!
When our loved ones can't or won't even take the swabs, the end is most certainly near.
How wonderful to be able to help her move on! How wonderful to be there for comfort!
You're doing great! You're doing everything that can be done! Stay strong and loving! Yes, this is to be expected.
Sending prayers your way!
God bless!!