My mother has been diagnosed with dementia and is becoming increasingly harder and harder to live with and be cared for by my father - they are both 79. While my mother has never been a very nice person, her dementia is making her extremely mean and "more" difficult. She is hard to get along with, she creates dissension within our family. She refuses to go to the doctor to receive any sort of medical help that can be given to her - she says there is nothing wrong with her. She can't remember from moment to moment what is happening. She asks the same questions over and over - because she has no short term memory. Our family, my dad, needs help and we are at a loss at what to do with her.
It is important to understand that with dementia, some people are truly unaware of her behavior or lack of memory. As well as trying to help your father, I would encourage you to seek information and support from the Alzheimers Association as well as the Area Agency on Aging. Arranging for respite for your dad may be a help in the short term.
Your father certainly can go back to that person; and, assuming that the diagnosis was given by a relevant professional, this should be a good source of advice about where to go next.
Even if your mother is not legally over the threshold for decisions to be made by others in her best interests just yet, at some point she will be; and at that point yes your father will be able to force the issue of medical care and admission to the right facility for her. It can be a long road, but at least there is a road!
So that's where I'd start, with the person who made the original diagnosis. When was that done, by the way, and what led up to your mother's being examined and diagnosed?
You'll probably hear "oh I'll need to see her" anyway, but then your next question is "yes, but how?" And then at least N1 will have the earlier findings to look at as a guide.
I'm surprised the GP has left it this long. Has your mother successfully dodged even her GP for two years?
I even wrote a book about our travails: "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale."
She, too, could be unreasonable and mean, even though I know she didn't mean to be mean. That's what Alzheimer's can do. I'd discuss Assisted Living options with a lawyer in your state. (I'd tell friends my "state" was often a state of frustration.) My mom, too, didn't admit to anything being wrong. She tried Assisted Living, but it just wasn't for her, so we took care of her, but I know that's not always possible. I agree with others who have posted here: your local Council on Aging and/or the Alzheimer's Association can be very helpful. Perhaps volunteers can come and sit with your mom, to give your dad a break, (before he reaches his breaking point). Best of luck.
She is 180º out about the "nothing" they can do about it.
What did the neurologist report in Dec 2017? - just that he wanted to see her again, or did he specify anything to be investigated further?
Tremors make one think "Parkinson's" automatically, but we are not medically qualified and there could be any number of causes.
Who referred your mother for the second neurology appointment that she wouldn't attend?
You will receive responses soon. I feel badly for your family. I’m sorry you are going through this pain.
Have you spoken to her physician? Have you spoken to your dad about possibly placing her? Would he go along with it? I would encourage him to do so if he objects. Is he crying out for help? Is he getting any relief from your mom?
I wish your family well during this difficult and challenging time. Hugs!
Yes - he is definitely crying out for help. My mother has always been the "in-charge" person and is still so - even in her dementia. So incredibly sad.
She was recently referred to a neurologist (don't know if it was the same) again for further testing. She refused to go. Said there was nothing wrong with her, and even if there is, there is nothing they can do about it.
Does your dad have a durable power of attorney? I really hope so because he will need it when her dementia gets bad enough that she will not be able to deny it to doctors.
I also hope your dad is getting breaks.
Countrymouse has lots of good advice here, and others will chime in too. I just wanted you to know you have my empathy.