My husband is quite ill and I’m his only caregiver. His son lives about 45 mins away, but visits very infrequently. My name isnt on his directive, just his son. What rights do I have if I have no access to making decisions? It’s a lonely existence caring for him by myself.
This is something you must discuss with husband, not with a Forum of strangers, and hopefully with his son as well.
There could be very good reasons your son was chosen in an circumstances where he is unable to make his own decisions, such as yourself and him disagreeing as to what needs to be done in absence of his competence.
I am truly sorry, but we cannot know about your marriage and your family decisions. We can only wish you the best of luck.
It's very possible that his son was selected to be his first choice for medical directives because his son is younger than either of you are and therefore the son would (in theory) be more capable of honoring and managing all your LO's medical wishes (?). You might be listed as his second choice if the son is incapacitated, deceased, or declines to handle this.
I'm mentioning this because our elder law attorney strongly urged us to assign much younger relatives (or friends) to execute our medical directives otherwise the chances are high that siblings and friends about our age could be deceased by the time we may need to invoke our documented instructions for medical care if we become incapacitated mentally or physically.
(btw, Medical directives can be completely different from inheritance wishes, so don't panic.)
Look at your husband's advanced medical directive documents to double check. And/or you can talk with your husband and/or the son for more clarity.
Good luck with all this,