Found out it could be vaginal cancer. White spots were found. No bleeding.
Funny, Mom sleeps good. Eats good. Very kind. Sweet. We have the most wonderful mother! Hate this is happening to such a beautiful woman in our lives. Seeing our mother with ALZ breaks our hearts. We are very loving to her. Understanding. Share in her faith. Honestly, she is absolutely a dear dear mother.
Some say go the palliative care route. PET scan and surgery, radiation etc will be too much.
Who’s gone through this? Anyone have good advice?
very kind of you
Since my sister is taking a well deserved break and I’m here with our mother she’s been doing pretty good. One nurse Donna came and was feeling pretty good with how she’s doing. Grateful Hospice checks up on mom. Today she’s eating spaghetti her fav.
Im grateful that mom is good so far. My sister established a good routine over the years and she’s a wonderful caregiver. An award winning sister!! I have two others I feel the same about. They come often and appreciate that!
have a great week polar bear!
Hope you are all doing well! Those that responded to my last question I just wanted to give you an update.
Challenges in life, distress, aging, mental health things, emotional stress, family, loss of a loved one.... we all need support and comfort during those times.
Thank you for your support.
My mother has been doing well. She does have cancer in her personal area, non aggressive but evenso it’s there and hasn’t spread.
We have several very kind nurses coming during the week to check on her. We chose not to do Pet Scan etc etc. Doctors have cooperated with us and we are grateful for their help as well.
Mom is very cooperative, kind, sweet, and besides very quiet which comes with the territory, she still shows us signs that she loves us and we show it back.
We are grateful for the years behind us we had with our dear mother and are grateful for the time now.
We had a very exceptional father whom we loved very much, and set a good example in our lives of love and family and our mom was the same! It’s been our privilege to give back to mom what she did for all of us.
So far so good.
Thank you for your comforting words and I appreciate that this site was available to ask questions that helped us along.
I found several other publications very helpful so have quite a lot to be thankful for.
Peace out to all.
Sincerely,
Colette Renee Newman.
She made it through surgery and a difficult recovery. The radiation was emotionally stressful but turned out to be otherwise fine.
The chemo, however, was so terrible that I would never want to put anyone through that, ever, if I was making their medical decisions. (Her oncologist had recommended that she not take chemo, but she wanted the most aggressive approach).
I would find competent oncologist(s) and ask for recommendations. You may want a second opinion - or even a seventh opinion. Every cancer and every patient is different. Make the most informed choice you can based on her unique health circumstance.
My Mum would not consent to treatment at her age. She feels she has had a good life and would refuse any surgery, chemo etc. So if Mum had indication of cancer in any part of her body we would only monitor it. Once it metastasized she would go onto Palliative care.
I learned this week that my mil (I have many, long story), who is I believe 70, has had her endometrial cancer come back. She has had two surgeries in the past with Chemo etc. This time she has been told she has months, not years. It first showed up when she had a Pap, as spots in her Vagina. I am heart broken.
It has been about 5 years since her diagnosis and two surgeries, two rounds of Chemo, took a lot out of her. During the surgery or immediately post op last year she had a stroke. She was in her 60's, I cannot imagine a woman in her 80's going through all of that, add in ALZ and I cannot image a good outcome.
My step dad who had dementia (I do not know what type), died of cancer last November. We did not know he had it and by the time it was found it had metastasized. The doctor's wanted to do biopsies, Mum asked why, as we already knew there was not hope. They wanted the info for research purposes. Mum only allowed the mukps that appeared at the surface of his skin to be biopsied.
I know it may sound harsh, but your Mum will die of something sooner than later. You mention your faith, talk to your faith leader, talk to the doctors and be at peace with your decision.
You need to ask the technicians or someone from the department or company who will be doing the PET Scan, about the procedure. Will the dye containing the radioactive tracers have to be swallowed, inhaled, or injected into a vein in the arm? How long will your Mom have to sit in the waiting room prior to having the PET Scan while the dye "flows" to the vaginal area of the body? Will the PET Scan be done in a building or in a portable lab on a semi-truck trailer?
Since your Mom's possible cancer is located in her vagina, she most likely will have to lie very still as her entire body (at least to her thighs) is moved into the PET Scanner. Will your Mom be given any sedation if she becomes restless or uncooperative? Ask how the staff deals with someone who has Alzheimer's or dementia and whether they feel that the PET Scan can be completed properly without upsetting someone with Alzheimer's or dementia.
Just because your Mom is sweet at this time, does not mean that she will be sweet and cooperative when she is in a very strange and bewildering place with weird noises and sounds that make no sense to her impaired mind.
When I had a PET Scan, I had to go in to a semi-truck trailer parked next to the hospital. (Since we are a rural area, the MRI Scanner is also on a semi-truck trailer that is parked next to the hospital 2 or 3 times a month.) A platform rose from ground level to the door of the semi-trailer and I had to step across a 2 inch opening between the platform and the truck. It took 3 tries before the staff were able to get an IV inserted so that the radioactive tracer could be injected into a vein. Then I had to wait 30+ minutes for the tracer to make its way to my thigh area as that was where the cyst/tumor?? was located. The table that I had to lie on was quite narrow and I felt as though I was going to fall off (but then, I wore Size 3+ clothes at the time.) Each time the table moved or the cylinder inside the PET Scanner moved, the semi-truck trailer rocked back and forth. The noise was deafening and almost scary as the PET Scanner clicked and hummed and the bed jolted back and forth as it moved in and out of the tube. It took 30+ minutes for the PET Scan to be completed. (A PET Scanner inside a building will most likely not be as scary since the scanner is firmly secured to concrete and not steel bed of a semi-truck trailer.)
Talk to your Mom's Oncologist about the PET Scan and ask if there is another procedure or test that can be performed to evaluate your Mom's vaginal cancer that might not be so confining and still give the Oncologist the information he/she needs to determine whether your Mom has vaginal cancer or not. You and the doctors need to have as much information as possible about the type and extent of the cancer before any decisions regarding treatment or non-treatment, i.e. palliative care, can be made.
its getting late.
I want to respond to your note.
You said so much and so helpful!
I will be back. To respond again.
Good night.
Best of luck.......I hope there is a good outcome for your sweet mom!
I’ll be honest, ALZ for our mom is awfully awfully sad.
She is a beautiful mother inside and out. For this to hit mom has been emotionally hard.
We appreciate the faith mom has and the strength she musters up thru all this.
thank you again.
My sister Sarah is wonderful caring for mom. I’m there too.
Sarah is an absolute gem!
Nurses came to the house and commended her for her incredible care of our mother.
Thank you for your note
with ALZ it’s hard to tell someone what to do if sometimes she doesn’t understand. Also mom does not like closed in places. And to go into something and she can’t see us or hear us she will be scared. I know my mom. Doctor won’t let us in there as we were told.
Will do our best Mam. We won’t make rash or rushed decisions.
You’re right. One step at a time.
Thank you
We don’t want to make any decision until the Doctor talks again to us next week.
We feel like you, we can’t put mom thru all that.
She has a strong faith. She has an incredible spirit. And we want to enjoy our mom until she falls asleep in death. As hard as that will be to see her do that. ALZ is a not so nice disease!!!
Nice thing though about mom
she smiles when she sees us all and tells us she loves us. We know she’s in there. 🙏🏻😉💗
Us four girls look after Mom.
It was nice hearing comments from others..
Does it matter? Would she want to treat it? (I a currently treating for Lymphoma, and if my 90yo mother had cancer I would NOT be on board with putting her through this. It's not awful, it's pointless at some point. I am going to beat this and expect another 20+ years. I told my DH "when and if this comes back, I'm done. One and done. I will NOT put you or the kids or me through this.) I'm txing only because I'm only 63 and in good health and this is only stage 2.
PETscans do not hurt. Probably the ONLY cancer detector that didn't. MRI's and CT scans don't hurt either.
I would ask for palliative care if she is in pain, but no, I would be 100% opposed to treating at this stage of health and life.
I would not put her thru anything. They don't understand what is going on and it just frightens them. They become like children. If her symptoms worsen, then I would consider Hospice.
Yes we wish we discussed this kind of situation occurring with mom what would she want. We have been told our whole lives you have a healthy beautiful mother. I’m 60 now. Moms 86. And now our little mom facing this. NOT ALONE. We will never leave her. No nursing home all these years could beat the personal care mom receives at home. Doing our best!!!
thank you for your responses.
It is hard to decide. Her oncologist just said her results will be in Tuesday. And he wants an answer. Either do the Pet scan and surgery and remove what he sees around the personal area or decide Palliative care.
we are weighing all these questions I see here in Agingcare. We are praying that whatever decision made it is for the best for our dear mom. She’s raised 11 of us. We all deeply love her. She’s been a wonderful mother. Has always been kind and outstanding with the quality of love! It hurts us to see this happen at this stage in her life. But aging doesn’t always happen gracefully. But we will make her as comfortable as we can and love her right up to our last kiss on her cheek.
Who found white spots? Where?
I'm guessing she had a pap smear? Have they done a colposcopy and biopsy?
Who suggested the PET scan?
What kind of meds is she on? Glad they keep her calm. Wondering if it's a med that can be temporarily increased during a procedure.
I wouldn't suggest chemo or radiation. But I think you may be getting ahead yourself.
My uncle died from pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver and spine 7 weeks after diagnosis at age 66. After the initial stage 4 diagnosis my uncle researched pancreatic cancer for a couple of days, then announced the cancer was going to kill him and the treatments that would delay his death would also make him too ill to enjoy being alive. Although he didn't take chemo or radiation he did have a small operation to cut some nerves to reduce pain. He was able to really enjoy one last Thanksgiving with his family before engaging Hospice and then slipping into a comma a couple of weeks later.
My mother made me her POA after her brother's death and while my father was just entering the bad phase of his vascular dementia. I had a decade to have conversations with her about what she wanted before she began having any cognitive issues at all. Mom wanted to scale down medical treatment when her quality of life was compromised. She didn't want cancer treatments after 85, just palliative care to manage her pain. I asked about a ventilator when treating pneumonia. Mom told me that was acceptable if she was expected to have a full recovery to a good quality of life but if she already had other issues compromising her quality of life then she didn't want her life extended with a ventilator.
Mom is now 87 with MCI and no short term memory. After a fall last year she has limited mobility and must use a walker or a wheelchair. Since the fall and my father's death Mom has displayed some dementia symptoms at times. I have reluctantly acknowledged that Mom has entered that "reduced quality of life" she talked about. Medical decisions now have to be made to maintain her comfort as long as possible but not necessarily maintain her life as long as possible. It's a difficult bridge to cross.
I read and re-read your post, and I'm sitting here with a cross frown on my face. White spots were found? HOW? The doctor happened to be passing and thought he'd have a quick peep?
But let's assume that there were other symptoms bothering your mother, so there was an exam, so these suspect areas were seen, so the doctor has recommended a PET scan. What other investigations have been done? Are you satisfied that other, less alarming causes have been ruled out?
I'd ask the doctor to relieve any symptoms and then keep an eye on things. There is no point going looking for a tiger if you're not fully prepared to fight it.
This decision is fully yours, is it? How advanced your mother's Alzheimer's Disease is does matter. If she is still able to understand what her doctor is telling her, then you must involve her in the discussions. If she isn't, then you should aim to avoid any treatment that is likely to be worse than the disease. It's one thing to go through these ordeals when you understand what is happening and are looking ahead to recovery: the hope of recovery makes the treatment tolerable. But to have this done to you, with no understanding of why or what for, would be cruel and can't be justified unless a good outcome is certain.
Honestly, truthfully, if I had to decide between dying of cancer and dying of Alz, I'd pick cancer any day. The end years of Alz are not something I want to go through, being practically bedridden, with mind already gone, pooping and peeing in diapers and needing people to wipe my behind, feeding me, possibly acting crazy, screaming incoherently, making the lives of my children hell.
I shudder...
Talk with the surgeon.
Will it be an invasive surgery where she will be cut up and then sewn up. That will be a lot of pain.
Ask about the chances of infection which is very real. If it occurs, will it require more surgery? More pain.
Ask about recovery time. How long? How much discomfort?
Ask about radiation. It BURNS. How long? Yes, a lot of pain.
Ask what her quality of life will be after the treatment.
Ask yourself if you were in her shoes, at her age, would you go through with it, and for what purpose.
Then you can decide.
What does oncologist say would be issues with no treatment vs treatment if she does have cancer?
I think there are too many unknowns, making it difficult to offer an opinion.
However, I wouid probably do the pet scan in order to make a better decision if it isn’t too difficult for her and if she is in fairly good shape otherwise.
shes very quiet. At the same time always says thank you. We shower mom she says “I love you” . “You are so sweet.”
shes always been like that!
otherwise sits cozy in her chair. We walk her holding onto her. Etc.
her doctor wants to do a PET scan says he can see if it spread. If it did we don’t want all this surgery done if it makes her worse. She appears to be doing pretty good right now. Never complains. Honestly she’s a gem. If they do surgery what about radiation. More meds?!
Guess this is questions we have to ask doctor more about. They just make decisions and we believe every word. I’m afraid for mom.
ALZ isn’t the quality of life we ever wished on mom! Hate this disease.
could you be specific why?
im looking for good advice