I live in NM and plan on moving to daughter/son-in-law's house in 1-2 years. Their house is old and needs remodeling to be comfortable for me. If I use money for remodel, I'm afraid I won't have enough for caregiving, but my/our family choice is that I live with my daughter instead of assisted living.
It is understandable (and common) for people to romanticize their sunset years. No one ever wants to entertain the thought of becoming an unmanagable, exhausting burden to initially willing and well-meaning adult children. But if you plow all your money into a home remodel (which may indeed disqualify or delay your Medicaid and make your daughter's life miserable) what will happen if you don't have enough funds for your daughter to hire in-home aids, let alone Memory Care -- or LTC (which is the only level of care that Medicaid pays for in most states)? If your money is tied up in a home, does that mean she'd have to sell and move the home to use that money to help with providing your care so she doesn't burn out?
Please read the plethora of posts on what this disaster looks like from an adult child's perspective under the Burn Out care topic. Frankly, it's pitiful and often avoidable.
You need to consult with a Medicaid Planner for her home state (assuming you do move there). It's too important of a question to leave to non-professionals on an anonymous, global forum.
Couple of things: So by your post, as your concerned abt “look back”, it seems that you don’t have the resources to private pay for care in a facility if it comes to that, correct? Ok so when you move from NM to CO be sure to take the last 5 years of all financial paperwork and if you have sold a home or car in NM take the paperwork on those as well. If CO wants a full 5 years documentation, can be difficult & w/costs to get items like this from old bank or NM courthouse. And if at all possible get a hard copy of your health records if not available in perpetuity on line. LTC Medicaid has a medical AND financial “at need” requirements so imo you are best off having your new doctors in CO to input all the details of your health problems into the new charts new health care providers will be creating. Having old chart info will help in creating a deep medical history with codes and labs in medical-speak. Fwiw Medicaid across the US has buckled down significantly on the “at need” medically documented in chart's for eligibility. Just being old, needing help with ADLs or family cannot always be around will not in and of itself be enough to show eligibility due to skilled nursing care needed
Moving in with family is highly romanticized.
Reality is different.
I’d suggest that you do a full month visit with your daughter and her family to see what it’s like before you pull up stakes in NM.