My mom fell and broke her hip. She had surgery, and is now in a rehabilitation center. When she was taken for her follow up visit with her surgeon, he told me her surgery had failed. There is another story to go along with this visit, but I won't go in to that now. He also said it looked like there had been a fall. When I followed the transport back to the rehab, I was able to speak to the nurse administrator, she confirmed that my mom had "slid out of her bed" the first night she was there. I was not informed of the fall. No xrays were done and she wasn't taken to the ER, nothing.
My mom hasn't been diagnosed with Dementia or Alzheimer's, yet. However, her surgeon did say she had some dementia. Since she has been in the rehab center she seems more disoriented than she has, at any time prior. She imagines herself having been taken from the facility and left alone in the oddest of places, and in weird circumstances. It leaves her very fearful. She will call me and ask me to come get her and take her home. She says she had been taken to these places and left, in her bed.
So, I am fearful of what is to come. I haven't had much interaction, at all, with dementia/alzheimer's patients. I don't have any idea what to expect.
You don't say when all of these events happened? - but your very elderly mother has been through trauma, surgery, anaesthetic, initial recovery and the first stages of rehab; she may be receiving pain relief still; and altogether it's a lot for a 90 year old body and brain to take! So what she's like right now is not necessarily how she's going to be for very long.
Take deep breaths. So, what did the surgeon and what do rehab say about next steps?
Sorry that things are going so poorly. She slid out of bed? Yikes. Not good for recovering from surgery. Is she cooperating and doing her PT at rehab? Is she up walking? When my mom recently had a knee replacement, I set some "rules" as to what she needed to be able to do to come home. Like walk up the 3 steps by herself to enter my home (where she has lived for over 5 years) and walk unassisted from her bedroom down to the bathroom. Those were non-negotiable to me as I could not/would not be willing to get up and assist her to the bathroom 24/7 and needed her to be safe to get in and out of the house. She outweighs me by a lot and it would not be safe for me to have to try to muscle her around if she couldn't do it herself. I suggest you demand the same type of thing for your mom. If she wants to come to your house tell her to get busy with her PT and achieve some basic goals. Talk to PT and tell them what you expect.
Dementia is tough, no doubt. Do some reading. Teepa Snow videos are often mentioned. Read the 36 hour day. Read this forum.
You might want to set up some home health care for when she does come home. Take as much services as the insurance will cover even if you think you don't "need" them. Whatever they offer will be short term and probably will only scratch the surface of the level of care your mom will actually need.
It is quite challenging dealing with our aging parents.
Mom had mild dementia 3 years ago when she broke her right hip. After the anesthesia for that surgery, she was never the same. She has continued to decline over the 3 years since and the operation and anesthesia last Wednesday have only made things worse. So far, PT has only been able to get her to stand twice and today she walked a few steps yelling in pain the entire time. By this time with her last surgery she was walking the halls!
We still have to find a rehab facility for when she leaves here and then determine whether she can go back to her M/C facility which we have been paying for while she is not even there. With a required 30-day notice, we may be on the hook to pay for 3 months Mom wasn’t even there!
Mom’s dementia prevents her from being able to follow or remember or comprehend instructions. She may do the task once but you will have to start over the next time from the beginning. Mom is pulling all her blankets up into a ball and trying to remove her hospital gown. She tries to snatch imaginary bugs out of the air and pulls at her mid-line IV and any loose bandages. She took off her oxygen cannula to chew on it. Someone has to be in the hospital with her 24/7.
And, it only gets worse, never better. Guess I should sleep while she is. She could wake up at any time to start the shenanigans all over again! Good luck!