I could really use advice - I'm very shaken.

I sympathize with you. You didn't mention how old your parents are. The older people gets more difficult to understand them. On one part, because of their decline in cognitive and emotional faculties. To put it simple, old people become babies again and can't communicate clearly their distress. Any acute infection like UTI, can change their behavior drastically. You say they are lucid and not demented. For your information, lay people can only diagnose dementia in the late stages. Dementia starts many years before it becomes fully apparent. Those people are more vulnerable to suffer from drastic changes in their mental status even with a mild infection. Most likely he has an infection somewhere, perhaps an UTI, He needs urgent medical care. You should get the assistance of relatives or friends to take him to the doctor. Just pretend that you're dealing with an unruly and cranky baby. Disregard as direct personal offenses what he tells you. He's a sick child and he needs your help.

He needs to go to the hospital. If you can’t get him in your car call an ambulance. I am sorry they are verbally abusing you. Like you said, that is for another time.

Dear "Forum Family" ,

Words cannot express how much I Truly Appreciate all of you. It's been such a rough week and very little sleep from this week's ordeal, which is still ongoing. In fact, yesterday was the first night that I was able to get a nite's sleep from all of this in the past week and I'm completely exhausted and still trying to get back to feeling myself.

My father's doctor advised that I stay at my parent's house for the quarantine period as well - since I was in close range before my father was diagnosed with covid. So, I've been trying to help my parents during this time - and all I can say is if you think that my father's words were horrible in the feedback that I quoted him saying prior, it's magnified since then. It's hard to believe that a father could be as he is - I feel very broken from this, but it is what it is ...and I actually feel numb from it all.

I've been so tired and absorbed with work from my parents thru this time that I haven't had time to send replies and respond to your Very Kind feedback - which I'd very much like to do - I want to send my Gratitude to you all - and once I can muster up my energy again, hopefully in a day or two, I'll send feedback and an update.

Hoping you are all having a wonderful Sunday!
XOXO

Why do people refuse to scroll down and read the answers? The OP replied at the bottom and gave an update.

Is there any way you could have taken his medical vitals, blood pressure, heart beat, and temperature? Sometimes you could just determine an unhealthy body temperature by feeling his fore head. If he had an abnormal temperature then he should of been taken to the Hospital ER. Also, if his urine had a foul smell and cloudy appearance, this would mean a UTI. Otherwise you need to determine if his behavior should also warrant a hospital observation. Do not second guess yourself, call an ambulance if he will not cooperate. For the benefit of other readers the Hopeforhelp22 did call 911 - read below.

Did he have a fever? How old is he? Does he use illegal drugs? Alcohol? Could he be going thru a withdrawal of something? If he has a fever, or chills, burning with urination and foul smelling urine it could be a UTI. Also, sometimes UTI only shows with confusion. It also could be a stroke. Does he have a facial droop? High blood pressure? I would have called an ambulance no matter what he says. Why take a chance? Please update . Good luck 💜

My understanding is that with the elderly, UTIs can cause very bizarre symptoms regarding behavior. I witnessed this type of behavior in an elderly female neighbor who was diagnosed with a UTI. Once treated, the symptoms disappeared.

Honestly, I am more concerned about you than your father. Just based on your post here, it seems to me that extended interaction with your parents right now would be more stressful for you, more negative and damaging for you than it would be positive for your parents. I'm thinking it would be more helpful for you to focus on caring for yourself: mental, physical and spiritual levels.

UTI is exactly what I would have suggested to check out first. It comes on out of no where and can do exactly what you are seeing. Accusatory about things, defensive, seeing thing that aren't there, sometimes even go as far as to think spouse having affairs with caregivers. Wild dream like stories.

I hope you will update us on what you did and what your father's diagnosis is/was. It could have been a temporary illness or it could have been a stroke. That's 911 and ER-worthy.

If your folks are still 'lucid', withdraw with love; tell them you regret (don't 'apologize' for anything, as you have nothing to apologize for) they think of you as a problem instead of a help, that you want the best for them and will connect them with appropriate agencies who will Take Over From Now On. Emphasize to them that you love them, want the best for them, that you feel this is the best plan for all concerned. Then only check in on them As An ACQUAINTANCE would do; don't get involved in their drama anymore. Emancipate yourself, emotionally, for everyone's sake. It is entirely OK that your parents' issues are beyond your capacity to help/change things for them; that is simply honesty. Parents are our 'launch pad', not our bondage.

Sweetie, run, don't walk away from your parents. Toxic people need to be cut out of your life, whether or not they are related. No one should be subjected to the ugliness your dad and mother showered on you the other night, let alone, a whole life time.
If you are concerned about their well being, call Adult Protective Services and report elders at risk.
Let them stew in their own juice, dirty laundry, no food, etc. They don't deserve one single second of your concern.
I am so sorry you have been treated so badly, but they will never stop. You are the only one who can stop it by avoiding them at all costs.
My heart hurts for you. Please, please, please stop letting them abuse you.

I hope you called 911 and had him admitted and things have been able to be sorted by now. It could have been UTI or overdose of MSG, or anyone of a number of things, but as long as he has been admitted and sorted now then you can start to deal with longer term issues - which do NOT include moving in or moving them in with you - the psychological effect on you would be too much, and you need your health. We cannot grow out of abusive behaviour results, and they cannot grow out of being abusive - please don't go down the 24 hour care by you route whatever happens.

Your father can be having any of a number of problems that is affecting his mentation.

Please take him to an emergency room. He could be having a stroke or a serious infection that is causing sepsis. Only a doctor with access to a full lab and possibly radiology for scans can evaluate this thoroughly.

In most cases, his thought processes should clear up once the cause it dealt with,

The OP with help of the parents neighbor called 911 and he went to the hospital. Physically he is fine. Scroll down to read her update.

Mentally that is another story. OP my heart breaks for you that you feel compelled to help these child abusers in their old age. Especially since they are continuing the cycle of abuse towards you as an adult. I want you to know that you are worth more than being a punching bag for these two mental detectives. Please do not waste who knows how many more years on these two. Easier said than done but I hope you find the strength to do it especially with your father's latest threat.

I’m an EMT. Based on what you posted, get him to the ER NOW! If he won’t go with you, call an ambulance. He does have the right to refuse care, but sometimes people will listen when a medical professional is advising

Do the F.A.S.T test. It can be difficult for someone suffering from a stroke to describe or explain their symptoms. To confirm the person is having a stroke, you can do a quick test, called the F.A.S.T. test:[5]
Face - Ask the person to smile. Check if one side of their face droops or appears numb. Their smile may appear uneven or lopsided on one side of their face.
Arms - Ask the person to raise both arms. If they cannot lift their arms, or if one arm drifts downward, they are likely suffering from a stroke.
Speech - Ask the person a simple question, like their name or their age. Note if their words are slurred when they respond to you or if they have difficulty forming words.
Time - If the person displays any of these symptoms, it is time to call 911. You should also check the time to confirm when the person’s symptoms first appeared, as the medical staff will use this information to better care for the person.

I worked at Thomas Jefferson department of Neurosurgery, Philadelphia-pre-op and post op. Had a new patient in the exam room, older gentleman, looked a bit confused. I started to talk to him, he did not exactly respond-eyes kind've blank. Then I asked him to smile, he could not. I asked him to raise his arms, he could not. I ran down the hallway, grabbed the nurses, "he's having a stroke", they ran in, and obviously he went right to surgery. Best surgeon there too. Patient had a great recovery.

This is clearly a situation that now requires medical intervention. This could literally be ANYTHING from UTI to STOKE to ANYTHING else. There could be major organ failure. If a stroke it may already be too late for intervention of clot busters. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. Call an ambulance now. No one here is an MD nor could we guess at what is happening. So sorry you are going through this.

Hope, sometimes folks need more (and different) help than family members van give.

If your father's recent speech and your mom's actions are their lifelong attitude toward you, you may need to step away and let others--neighbors, social services, the state--step in and take control of their affairs.

To the Most Amazing "Forum Family"...to: BarbBrooklyn..SendHelp..MJ1929..Againx100..GardenArtist..JoAnn29..ElizabethY..BundleofJoy..KNance72..Cover99..CaregiverL..CaregiverL..Clairesmum..lealonnie1..IsThisrealyreal..and Lizbitty...and all "likes" expressing support,

It was important for me to mention all of you - to extend my Heartfelt Gratitude and Bountiful Appreciation for the incredible Kindness.. Compassion.. Wisdom.. Brilliance.. Direction.. Guidance and for taking the time to immediately respond and extend your support. Words seriously can't even express how much this truly meant to me when I needed it most. I felt all of your guidance and being there in spirit and it was all of you who unanimously helped me to take the proper steps - you could all be doctors (in fact, his own doctor confirmed that same advice afterwards)! You are all angels here on earth and I wish for each of you Many, Many Blessings for Great Health..Happiness..Joy.. Peace.. Prosperity and all of your wishes to be answered.

I felt incredibly alone in dealing with this situation and it was very scary. My parents have caused me immense physical and emotional abuse in recent years and I've referenced some of this in prior feedback, but I'm still trying to contend with the enormity of it and it's still hard to talk about - I mention this because it made the situation the other night even more challenging. They've been brutal towards me - it's been heartbreaking for me and I'm still trying to navigate my own life after their damage they've caused me and it'll take a lifetime to repair. I hope to write a post some time elaborating because it's hard to keep in. Anyway, I had to just explain that because after reading all of your exceptional advice, I immediately listened and took next steps - I tried to call 911 - my mother ripped the phone out of my hands - went into her rage and my father also reacted - it was a whole scene...thankfully, I got the idea from BundleofJoy to reach out to neighbors and that's what I did - I would never have thought of it otherwise because I felt so frozen from it all (thank you, bundle). I left the house, went next door and my neighbor helped and called 911 with me and came back to the house w/me. My parents know how to reel it when when necessary - my neighbor didn't get to see the chaos prior.  

My father just returned from the hospital last nite - he's home now after two days there - they did every test - CatScan, MRI, bloodwork, etc -all tests were fine, except he came up positive for covid - which is so strange since he was vaccinated 3 times - the doctor said he's a-symptomatic and they administered the one-time medication that trump had gotten - due to his age. He needs to quarantine for 12 more days in his bedroom and because he's had the vaccines, the doctor said he shouldn't feel residual symptoms - the next day in the hospital, he was much more himself again - every doctor and nurse said what great spirits he has - I'm just trying to figure out who he is because he's horrible to me.

I've literally gotten no sleep for days - speaking around the clock to his doctors, nurses, running to fill their house with healthy food, protective gear, scrubbing their house, laundry, etc...and my father's first words to me when he returns is "I'll get you for this...you little b-tch...so you wanna be the boss, you'll get yours..I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, you worm..you're nothing..you're unlovable, etc'.

I felt like I was just sucker punched - I could understand if it was just because he wasn't himself due to covid - I wouldn't take it personally...but this is who he has been for his entire life - and I've just had enough.

I'm drained, I'm depleted, I'm lost, and trying to figure out what to do. I don't need this anymore.

Again, all of you have warmed my heart - may all of your goodness some back to you all in beautiful ways. Thank you so very much for being there - sending Lots of Hugs :-)
XOXO

Never apologize for doing a loving thing for someone that you love. You never know, it just might save their life.

Not sure if you’re calling 911 tonight. If you can’t get him to the doctor tomorrow, then that’s what you have to do. Don’t wait.

Reading the symptoms, my first thought was stroke.

Please call 911, because there is a small time frame that medication can help, after that, it is what it is.

First, I and many others understand what you are going through. I've been a caretaker of family members part and full time on and off, mostly on, since age 14. I hate to say this but it is not unusual for elderly persons to have one issue or emergency after another. As a recently retired health care professional, and as a daughter, I'd say get your parent evaluated as soon as possible. Use your judgment. One benefit of getting your parent evaluated is that, even if it is 'just' a UTI (common), you will have the opportunity to get a care plan in place and to anticipate what to do if similar situations come up and they will. After getting the immediate situation addressed, try to find time to come up with a plan. In my case, for parents and close family who needed help, I did most of the caretaking, but still worked full-time, and had to create a system that a military logistician would be proud of. There are county/state elder resources, elder/companion volunteers, family (IF they will help), neighbors/friends, and where applicable using Medicare/Medicaid/Long-term insurance approved/paid nursing services for acute (after hospitalizations), short-term nursing home/rehab (again usually after hospitalizations), chronic care, palliative and hospice care, again all have to meet eligibility requirements. I also paid home health aides to fill in the gaps. IF your parent does not have dementia and can cooperate, after you find out if the current problem is serious or not, ask them to cooperate with you. I had one parent who had a million diagnoses but could cooperate and we set a schedule, had a contact list, and visitation schedule. The other parent for various reasons could not and would not cooperate very much. Sometimes, the only option is to place your parent or loved one in a facility. I'm glad I was able to help my parents but it did come at a physical and emotional as well as financial cost to me and my family. I should have achieved a better balance between everyone's needs but when you are in the thick of it, you are on autopilot. The sooner you figure this out (in our highly advanced medical system but very dysfunctional elder care system) the better off you will be. There are no easy answers. You just have to work with what you have and do what you can and what you can live with. I wish you the best. Please let us know.

He could have had a stroke, who knows? Call 911 and see what the EMTs have to say. Who cares if dad is upset? If he won't go to the hospital, then so be it. But at least some qualified EMTs will have a look at him and be able to do somewhat of a medical assessment on him, right?

I hear you about the chaos surrounding their personality types. I don't believe you are doing 'psychological assessments'; just trying to figure out WHAT to DO. Those who haven't dealt with these personality types have NO IDEA what they're talking about!! The behaviors just add a whole lot of extra headache into an already traumatic situation!

Wishing you the best of luck with everything you have going on. Please come back and update us as soon as you can.

EMTS can be persuasive in getting him to agree to go to the hospital 'just to get checked out'. It may be helpful if you and /or your mother are out of your dad's line of vision, and stay quiet while EMTs assess him.
He may try to convince them that he is fine...and he clearly is not.
Good luck.

Call an ambulance asap & tell EMS all his symptoms & change in mental status. He is hallucinating. Good luck & hugs 🤗

A big (((((((((((Hug))))))))))

Call 911 get him to the hospital tonight

If he is hallucinating call 911

dear you!! hug!!

you wrote:
maybe UTI or bacterial infection 

—
indeed, it sounds like that!!
and that can quickly turn into sepsis (that can be life-threatening and every hour counts)

the best is ER right away.

you can say the neighbour made the phonecall to the ambulance, heard strange sounds.

my father was saved by going to ER (it was a UTI, became sepsis).

Agreed--Needs to be assessed. Call 911.

Clinical assessment:
Approximate 90 y.o. presents with agitation, hallucination, slurred speech, after being sick yesterday with an upset stomach. There is/is not any diarrhea but had an incident of urinary incontinence. He is/is not in pain, he says.

Unable to take vitals (b/p and use of oximeter, thermometer) due to agitation.
(He won't allow you near him?).

Calling 911.