I am POA for my 82 year old sister in an assisted living facility. She has expressed fear in past that my husband will get her money. She now wants to marry another resident there. I know little about him. Should I fight this? Think she wants to do this so I will no longer be POA. I worry he might want her money.
Time to talk to the administration of her nursing home. You as POA are, as long as she has no mental capacity to keep herself safe, there to keep her safe. And you, of course now that she has Alzheimer's and is in care, are responsible to handling ALL OF THE MONEY.
If you are not clear on your Fiduciary duty as her POA, then it it time now to see an attorney. Her funds pay for this expert help. It is important you fully understand your job here, as you are required to keep meticulous records of every penny into and out of her accounts.
"There is a capacity threshold for getting married, but it is very low. It is so low that you can have a conservatorship (also known as an adult guardianship) over someone, and they can still consent to marriage.
There has to be a court order stating that the ward (person with alleged dementia) cannot enter into a marriage contract.
Because of that low threshold, there is nothing barring someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s from getting married.
This leads to frequent “Sweetheart Scams” where the elderly person is often lonely and open to the idea of new love and affection, and coupled with diminished capacity, can easily result in a confidential marriage.
So in short, no, unless there is a court finding that they are mentally incapacitated."
Source: https://www.justanswer.com/family-law/ntpcx-someone-early-stage-dementia-married.html#:~:text=It%20is%20so%20low%20that,enter%20into%20a%20marriage%20contract.
This may indicate she is in a phase of dementia where paranoia becomes a behavioral symptom. My 95-yr old Mom now goes in and out of this. Not every day and not necessarily every week, but I'm her only child and she lives next door to me and we've been helping each other for decades. She thinks I'm "hellbent" on putting her in a NH and taking her money. When she's "normal" she doesn't have these thoughts at all. She started Lexapro this past spring and I think it has help diminish those thoughts (and also depression). Please consult with her primary doctor on this.
Or, maybe she's having a delusion about marrying? This could also be a dementia symptom, or indicate a UTI. Again, consider testing her.
Don't do anything to move the marriage talk or action forward if you think she is really not herself. Change the topic discretely if she brings it up. Maybe consider consulting an attorney (not sure if this would be an elder law or marriage/divorce attorney).
What a distressing situation to have to deal with. Thinking of you.
Your right-it is a concern for Both families, if they exist.
Even if the idea is forgotten , I think this is one of the saddest messages yet -and shows just how much our Elders in Care Facilities, and no longer living at Home, must feel like their abandoned and just drifting through Life. The sister may be just Longing for some Love and Attention from Family and expressions of really Caring about her.
It's sad that Money always has to interfere, so much so that other binding factors in relationships, even among the sisters, become so questionable, almost to a degree of Paranoia. Where is the Love?
If she is not competent then she can not get married as a marriage is a contract and she can not legally enter into a contract.
**I just read Geaton777's response and I am surprised, it seems a bit odd that a person that is prohibited from doing many things can legally enter into a marriage. 😱 Ya learn something new every day!
I do think you should find out more about this "gentleman"
I think guardianship according to the internet cannot always prevent marriage, but it CAN insure you hold the pursestrings. Marriage means nothing in that circumstance and in that circumstance why should she NOT marry if she wishes to?
I agree, ask about this man. Does he have family? Do they know about this marriage? Is the resident aware of this marriage? You may find his family agrees with you. If they both suffer from Dementia this marriage should not take place. You could fake it. They do have committment services. At 82 does it matter that its not real.
Update us on anything you find or come up with.
I'm now wondering if specifically adding "marriage" into one's PoA document would protect the principal from themselves in this type of scenario?
As equally worrisome about Money Issues, it could be possible the old man still holds the testosterone and what we do not know -may be the Casanova of the Care Facility. Or he may also have asked Every Senior Lady to marry him ?
I would also wonder if he may make your sister sick and be spreading sexual disease at the risk of her wanting to "accommodate him". ?
In General-women are more Social and also can enjoy their privacy, particularly as we age. Does your sister Really want to become somewhat of a Caretaker again ,and/or share a 2x4 space with someone 24/7 , and forego her own moments of just enjoying her own life at this stage?
But then, who am I to know? I'm not in that same situation -one most come to dread -and I don't know what lengths I'd go to, either , to ease what may become idleness, loneliness, and having to coming to terms with the Reality of having moved to your last address on Earth.
Really sad. Give your sister a big hug for me and let her know -she IS still loved.
You're basically right, but if a person has dementia the law does not recognize them as competent to make their own decisions.
A POA can be absolute depending on how it is worded by the lawyer and what it includes. A POA usually says that it becomes active if a person becomes physically or mentally incapacitated.
Also, if the potential bridegroom is on Medicaid and he marries this changes his income level and he may lose his Medicaid. It's not a good idea.
These people live in a care facility. All marrying would do is complicate legal matters. Their day to day lives won't be any different.
Do you have documentation from her medical provider of her cognitive abilities / i.e., dementia, unable to care for herself?
Of course, there is always the possibility of financial gains. And consider, the resident may (also) be cognitively impaired and unable to actually do what he says he wants to do.
Talk to the administrator of the facility. This behavior is not unusual when a person is losing / lost their cognitive abilities, feeling alone / lonely, etc.
Instead of fighting, I would take another approach (as) 'fighting' will likely have your sister react in being more determined in her position - and want to 'fight' you/r advice, etc. Depending on her cognitive abilities, talk to her. How you talk to her is determined by her cognitive functioning.
Do you know this man?
Do you know his family (does he have any).
What are your observable sense of him (management won't give you any of his personal information).
That your sister has a feeling about your husband is either a cognitive fantasy / fear and/or is there some past behavior/experience that would lead your sister to 'come up with this scenario'?
Clearly, it doesn't make any cognitive sense to 'marry' so you won't be her POA. She can change that at any time ... without marrying a person. This to me clearly means she doesn't have the cognitive ability to make these decisions.
I think you need to:
1) find out what her cognitive abilities / diagnosis is.
2) Discuss with administrator - share your concerns and how do they suggest you handle this?
3) Be clear on what legal documents you have / need to have for her well-being moving forward. (Depending on what her sister wants and her medical diagnosis, you might need to consult with an attorney)
4) If this man has any family, talk to them.
While I do not know, I doubt City Hall would give a license for marriage to two people living in an assisted living facility, although I do not know.
The other consideration is: how is your sister's money being handled now? What are the safe guards?
Does she make decisions about her own finances or do you / someone else?
This man cannot do anything with her finances unless your sister has the ability to manage her own money. And, if they did marry, documents can be put in place to protect her money.
The question seems to be about your sister and not wanting you as her POA... and this depends on her medical diagnosis (or so I believe).
Gena / Touch Matters
might be best to speak to someone legal about how you add estate not granted to new husband
if he objects to that I guess you know where he’s coming from !
I think I would contact the other family and have a beautiful wedding ceremony and amazing gathering
No one says the “ minister “ or “Priest” has to be real
Let them feel married even if they’re not legally married
they don’t need to know
let them live, let them love ❤️