I live with my 90 yo Father and 87 yo mother. Mom has memory issues from a variety of causes, the most significant of which was a brain bleed (subarachnoid) from a fall several years ago. Her memory is very variable. Dad was hospitalized 3 years ago with pancreatitis and became very ill with renal failure from a reaction to the CT contrast. He recovered completely from that, but despite rehab, his legs are weak and unsteady. No pain, but it frustrates him terribly, and it’s getting worse. I moved in with them 6 years ago and I now take care of finances, cooking, cleaning and overall management of our home. No conflict, we get along well and agree on how to deal with any issues that come up. But they can’t be left alone for more than a day (not overnight). This situation wil not improve. I try to stay positive, but I worry about what will happen as time goes on. Any advice?
Caregivers for the elderly have none of those long-term satisfactions. My heart goes out to you.
Instead of looking ahead to long-term satisfaction, we need to get our satisfactions day by day. Dad was less frustrated today. Good day! Mom really seemed to get into looking at photo albums. Good day!
You've been there most days and every night for six years? Yikes! To continue to be effective and to maintain sanity, you NEED respite. I know, people used to tell me that and I put up barriers. It IS HARD to arrange for overnight care. And it is expensive! But it really isn't optional.
Set up some time away every week. Wednesday afternoons take painting lessons. Monday mornings meet a friend or group of friends at a coffee shop. Take some time for yourself on a regular, recurring basis. AND ALSO arrange for periodic vacations. Be gone for 3 days, or a week! It sounds like your parents could understand this.
My advice: take your satisfactions where you find them, and take some time to recharge your own batteries!
Read the book ‘Being Mortal’ which is a good guide to what is important as we age. Find out what your parents really want and what you really want for these final years. And yes, now is the time.
I’m OK with taking things one day at a time or even one hour at a time. I seek out the positive moments. It’s just a tough road. Thank goodness I have an angel dog for company!
What if your parents needed to move to Assisted Living [not a nursing home], would they accept that move? If yes, do they have a place picked out for the future? Will they be able to budget for the monthly cost?
Now, what if the answers were all no, never, not in your life. That is when it becomes extremely difficult, especially since you are an only child where you can't pass the baton onto a sibling willing to help out. And what if something happen to you?
I wish I had the talk with my parents. My Mom was glued to the house. Dad would leave the house in a New York minute as being 94 at the time he was tired of trying to repair things, plus shovel snow, etc. Mom [97] was in denial of his age. And in denial of my age, too. Here I was a senior trying to help much older seniors. I eventually crashed and burned from the physical and mental exhaustion, and here I wasn't even hands-on.