How to motivate him to eat?
My FIL (age 82) has always been a very strong person, always fought his way though any surgery or illness, very determined to get strong. He has always done well with recovery. Except for now.
He has CHF and got sick with pneumonia. If that wasn't bad enough, in the middle of that, he developed a bowel obstruction which required emergency surgery! He was in the ICU for over a week and developed delirium. He largely snapped out of the delirium, but now is on his third week in the hospital and he is extremely depressed, sleepy and will barely eat. He will converse some.
He acknowledges that he knows he needs to eat, but says he is too tired. He is very weak and won't be strong enough to even attempt rehab until he eats and gains a little strength. He won't drink Ensure or even a tasty milkshake or smoothie.
Has your loved one been in this situation? How did you get them to eat?
Be sure that he is receiving support visits from his faith representative of choice or a local/ hospital chaplain if he is still in hospital. He understandably will be grieving his dramatic illnesses/ decline and, a chaplain or faith leader or other qualified professionals can assist with his grief and, your grief watching his decline.
Being present with him, affirmation of his feelings, encouragement and patience with his journey will be important.
At the end of the day, no matter how much one wants someone to eat, the pt has to decide when and what they eat. Dieticians can also work with him to perhaps find some options. Honoring his fatigue and advocating for his care needs is wonderful. Also respecting "pt. rights", that the pt. has the right to refuse , decide and state what they want. This may not always be what loved ones would want for them.
I just saw that your FIL has passed. So sorry for you and the family.
It is so hard to understand that our elders can come to that time when they just long for peace and rest. I am sorry to know you are grieving the loss of your FIL now. I so remember my Dad just longing to go. He had had a good life and was so ready. My heart goes out to you all.
Not eating can be a sign that he's starting the end of life. 82 doesn't seem that old, but after anesthesia and a big health crisis, many seniors don't ever really recover. Sometimes, eating makes them feel worse. I'd get a second opinion from a doctor to see what's going on. Even from hospice to see if recovery is going to be possible.
Some people try giving the dessert first and sweetening their palate, then proceed with the main course.
I might try that on myself!
Happy New Year!
Thankfully a lot of his family are traveling from out of state to attend the funeral and I think this will lift everyone’s spirits. They are a lively bunch.
mom started eating again (Dad has passed) but her appetite is off.
try not to worry and hugs
I am sorry, I see he passed. I hope my advice is helpful to others. ❤️
So sorry for the loss of your father in law.
My condolences
May The Lord give you all grieving mercies, comfort and peace.
He was a good man.
My FIL died this morning, Christmas day.
He has never recovered his breath and he was young and healthy when this happened. He injured his foot, podiatrist said, "put it up for 3 days to heal." This caused the PEs. Ugh! 4 days in a coma, 7 days in hospital and 2 weeks of blood thinning injections when he got home. This could very well be why FIL isn't eating and sleeping loads.
I am so sorry your family is going through this. May you all receive guidance.
I am sorry that you are facing these difficulties. It’s very hard to see our loved ones declining.
My mother’s appetite wasn’t very big at all.
Her neurologist asked her at every visit about any difficulties with swallowing and she would tell him that there weren’t any issues.
Her primary doctor told her that she needed to gain some weight. Mom would tell her, “I am not hungry. I eat a little because I know that I have to but I haven’t been hungry for in awhile.”
I would cook her favorite foods and buy ice cream. She wasn’t all that interested in food no matter what I cooked. She was never a large eater but her appetite diminished further. She was a nibbler, a bite here and a bite there. I ended up picking up the same habit. I don’t remember ever eating a full meal as her caregiver.
Occasionally, she would talk about being depressed. I would tell her that there is medication for depression but she resisted taking meds for her depression. She struggled with Parkinson’s disease and depression can accompany it. Depression also can take away an appetite.
When her nurse or doctor would ask about depression she would say that she wasn’t depressed. I know that she was embarrassed to admit that she was depressed. I tried telling her doctor that she was depressed. They couldn’t get mom to change her mind about taking medication. I wish that she would have tried meds for depression and the anxiety that she had.
She did take Ativan and Seroquel in hospice. She ate some but not much.
It’s normal to lose an appetite when they are approaching the end of life. My mom wasn’t hungry or thirsty. Hospice used a wet sponge to moisten her mouth.
Yes to everything you've said about end of life, body shutting down. I'm aware of all that as I've been through it with other elderly relatives, 2 whom I had medical POA for. There is no way I can delicately get my spouse, his mom and siblings to see it. My MIL is even talking about a feeding tube. She refused to sign a DNR.
With this latest issue with the embolism, the first thought in MY head was hospice. I know none of them will be receptive to that word.
Sadly, most people look backwards and see the wreckage after the loved one passes and say "We should have just used hospice rather than put them through this!"
They gave him medication to stimulate his appetite and that seems to have helped a little, however, now he has a pulmonary embolism, which is such bad news.
Anyone have a loved one who has had that?
It is one things after another.
Shockingly, he is in good spirits today, despite that horrible news.
But, I will say Xena, your dad is going down a slippery slope here at his age and with all these issues cropping up at the same time. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may pass soon. He may NOT, but he may. In my experience, when an elderly person has a whole bunch of issues one after the other, it becomes nearly impossible for the body to recover to the point where a full recovery can happen. I would definitely get a hospice evaluation for dad just so they're on hand in case things continue to go south.
Wishing you the very best of luck with all of this. I know how hard it can be.
Sorry for you and your dad
Prayers
Pay attention to how much he is taking so you can tell if he is making progress.
I am always watchful for swallowing issues so ask about a speech therapist. You don’t want him to aspirate.
When my cousins mom had COVID, she had to use a dropper to help her. Believe him when he says he is tired.
I am sorry you and FIL are going through this.
It is hard.
Long story short, my FIL, in the hospital with kidney issues stopped eating. We got a psych consult, who ordered a speech consult.
He'd had a stroke and couldn't swallow, nor could he explain. Just said "I can't eat".
When a persons body is preparing for the death journey, it will not want any food or drink as the digestive system is the first to shut down and it can be very painful for either to be forced upon them.
Perhaps it's time to call hospice in and let your FIL die in peace and on his own terms.
God bless you and your family.
Best of luck!