Please forgive me, I did not realize that this was a forum for caregivers. I myself am not a caregiver but am looking for help regarding an elder who is being denied the medication and services he needs BY his primary caregiver. I'm hoping that someone in this community will have some insight into this situation and might be able to point me in the direction of some real resources that will help.
The elder in question is my girlfriend's father, also my landlord who lives in the house of which my apartment is attached (our living rooms share a common wall). What prompted me to sign up here tonight was an incident that occurred a few hours ago that resulted in me calling the police to check on them. I could hear his wife (my girlfriend's step-mom) yelling at him, threatening to kill him and ultimately, hitting him repeatedly saying things like, "Now I've got you where I want you! You think you're stronger than me?" (slap) My girlfriend has also photographed "mysterious" bruises that no one has explanations for.
At the heart of it, the wife has refused to accept the Alz diagnosis, continuing her search for, "the real problem." In the meantime, his health deteriorates and she responds to the symptoms of his condition with verbal and physical abuse, insisting that he knows what he's doing.
She has demonstrated in the presence of physicians that she doesn't know what medications he takes (and she's the one charged with administering them). The pharmacy once called my girlfriend because the wife had failed to pick up his diabetic insulin for over 3 months! He recently spent time in a local hospital for evaluation which determined that his condition required 24/7 care, either in the home by a nursing professional or in a nursing home. He has gotten NO CARE whatsoever. When the wife discharged him from the hospital without a plan in place for this care, the hospital reported it to Adult Protective Services as a discharge AMA and gave them the details. APS did absolutely NOTHING, as they did when my girlfriend first reported to them about a year earlier, how the wife mistreats him.
I have several times now, heard AND RECORDED through the wall, she's yelling at him, threatening him and now physically abusing him. She has reported the failure to administer meds to his primary care physician. No matter what we do, no one is willing to help. Everyone says, "Report it to APS" which does absolutely nothing except close the case without explanation. The man is clearly suffering and there seems to be no help anywhere! My girlfriend is pursuing getting custody but as of right now, the wife has power of attorney and health care proxy and has all the power over him and his care. Please someone, tell me there is hope, that there's SOMEONE we can go to for help with this! Please!
Thank you for at least taking the time to read this.
Countrymouse - That's exactly what prompted me to call the police last night,that I not only HEARD it but, RECORDED it as well. I plan to followup by stopping by the police station to let them hear the actual recording.
gladimhere - WAY ahead of you my friend. All I did was boost the volume on a COPY of the recording to make it easier to hear details. The original is still on my phone exactly as recorded with timestamp.
I've cleaned up the recording from last night .. amplified to make it easier to hear. Thinking of heading to the police station to followup the call and let them hear what I heard.
She's also a major narcissist so for anyone familiar with that, you will understand even more clearly what we're dealing with.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and discuss this problem with them and how to proceed. I'd also call the local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association and talk to them.
Have your girlfriend sent a short, bulleted list of these problems to the physician, return receipt requested. Has she retained an attorney for guardianship? I would cc the lawyer ( or any lawyer) on the letter.
About elected officials, I did just find contact info for the Executive Office of Elder Affairs. APS absolutely has not responded. Or rather, it's a case of, "There's nothing we can do" because he declined their starting an investigation. (Then again, would YOU claim there's abuse happening with the abuser standing right next to you?)
Call the police. Preferably, have a plan for what happens if they arrest her - APS should step in then but he will need support and reassurance from people he knows.
Notifying the physician by letter with a receipt will force action.
I'd keep calling the police.
As his POA its her responsibility that she sees to his heath too.
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