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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Roses, at this point you need to do what helps you. Think about 1 or 2 things you would gladly give over to a service and then hire them. House cleaning? Online frozen meal delivery? In-home caregiver/companion for your husband? Whatever it takes and is affordable. Make sure you are also allowing yourself a social life or activity, hobby, exercise. Are you part of a faith community, like church or synagogue? Ask the leadership for help. Someone to occasionally come to sit with your husband so you can get out for some Me Time. You are carrying a huge responsibility taking care of a LO...you must take care of yourself, too! Blessings!
Geaton is right...............this is not only about what your husband 'wants'.........it's about what is needed by BOTH of you. Please take some of her suggestions to make things a bit easier for yourself through this difficult period.
I am so incredibly sorry you are both going through this. Make it clear that the hospice folks are there to help YOU as much as him, tell him you love him and you are going through this together and you need their help. Tell him they will be able to best assess what he needs for HIS comfort and HIS care. Tell him that you personally need the help and will be getting the help. Again, so very sorry for you both in this situation and wishing you best passage and good supportive care.
Can you hire outside? Because hospice won’t come every day for hours at a time. They provide little hands on care. The brunt of the work is left to family or hired caregivers.
Yep, respite care for you, and the very best and most forthright counseling you can find for yourself as well. When things have gotten anywhere near as difficult for me as your situation is for you, I would wind up “spinning”- focusing on a zillion negative outcomes at once, and becoming totally unable to make good choices for myself OR my dependents. Tough no nonsense counselors would reduce my messy situations to black and white, and then I could get through them and choose from a manageable number of choices what both my dependent and I too needed to happen next. Are you considering the fact that you don’t always have to make a “good” decision when it comes to your husband’s care? Sometimes in the face of terrible illness there are NO good solutions. When that happens, your job becomes making the best bad choice you have access to, then living with your choice, and knowing that you did the best you could. Your situation is one of the most poignant I’ve seen here. I am so touched to read of your desire not to have your husband leave you, as he is, in inches. So honest of you to acknowledge that happening in your life. Have you any access to some free or low cost help from local social service agencies or religious institutions in managing you home upkeep, grocery shopping /meal preparation/laundry/leaf raking etc.? Would some small reductions in the logistical burdens that you’re living within help you fo feel a little more empowered? After 3 years of relatively little sleep and constant worry over 2 dependents 89 years apart in age, I’ve begun taking music lessons. The combination of a flood of endorphins with the social support of a bunch of other wacky old band geeks can sometimes pull me back from the edge of despair. Time to try some small goofy centering distraction, no matter how far fetched it seems? Hugs to you, and back pats, and affirming nods and lots of positive thoughts. You deserve whatever can be good to come to you.
So many hard decision I have had to make. I am used to making majority of the Major decisions during our 35 years of marriage since he never wanted to make decisions It’s the disconnect of my husband that bothers me most. I did hire a company to come in and clean the home one time but husband was unhappy about them coming in so I found myself a bit snippy with him stating that well I want it done so they will do what was asked of them. Felt bad being so firm with him. I thank everyone for their response to my post and hope that during this painstaking time in my life doesn’t change who I am in the long run. I always say I’ll bounce back .... will I ? or am I fooling myself that I have the stamina for all this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sending hugs & best wishes your way
Is it possible for you to call an agency to help so you can get some rest and a change of scenery sometimes too.
Your husband will adjust to having someone else helping out.
Take care.
When things have gotten anywhere near as difficult for me as your situation is for you, I would wind up “spinning”- focusing on a zillion negative outcomes at once, and becoming totally unable to make good choices for myself OR my dependents.
Tough no nonsense counselors would reduce my messy situations to black and white, and then I could get through them and choose from a manageable number of choices what both my dependent and I too needed to happen next.
Are you considering the fact that you don’t always have to make a “good” decision when it comes to your husband’s care?
Sometimes in the face of terrible illness there are NO good solutions. When that happens, your job becomes making the best bad choice you have access to, then living with your choice, and knowing that you did the best you could.
Your situation is one of the most poignant I’ve seen here. I am so touched to read of your desire not to have your husband leave you, as he is, in inches. So honest of you to acknowledge that happening in your life.
Have you any access to some free or low cost help from local social service agencies or religious institutions in managing you home upkeep, grocery shopping /meal preparation/laundry/leaf raking etc.?
Would some small reductions in the logistical burdens that you’re living within help you fo feel a little more empowered?
After 3 years of relatively little sleep and constant worry over 2 dependents 89 years apart in age, I’ve begun taking music lessons. The combination of a flood of endorphins with the social support of a bunch of other wacky old band geeks can sometimes pull me back from the edge of despair. Time to try some small goofy centering distraction, no matter how far fetched it seems?
Hugs to you, and back pats, and affirming nods and lots of positive thoughts.
You deserve whatever can be good to come to you.