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I am trying to figure out what would be most appropriate for the frequency of visiting Alzheimer's parent. They are stage 6. They still know who I am. We have never had a good relationship and my childhood was abusive. It takes me about an hour each way to get to the facility and back. I also work 50 hours a week so have little spare time. I am feeling like initially once every two weeks and then dropping to once a month. What about others?

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Well, when we placed my step father & his wife, we were asked to let them acclimate, stay away for several weeks and we did. Then we had to place our mother in a different AL, same thing was requested.

Now that they have acclimated we visit every other week unless we have to take them for a medical procedure. We do hover over them, they have adjusted well.

They have their own life as do we.
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lealonnie1 Jan 2020
You do NOT hover over them, that should say, right? :)
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My mother doesn't live in a 'home' but with my YB and his family. I could visit every single day and she wouldn't even realize it.

I visit her for ME, not her. I didn't see or talk to her for 8 months last year as I went through a grueling chemotherapy for cancer, and when I finally emerged out the other side and started to feel human, I went to see her. She wasn't even AWARE that I had not spoken nor seen her for over 8 months.

I think every other week is fine. No need to burn yourself out when she isn't even cognizant of the passage of time.
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I work in a Memory Care home; loved ones & family members all visit differently, nobody does the same thing. I think it's important to visit as YOU see fit, when you can, as you can, and for as long as you'd like. In reality, there is very little real interaction (most often) with stage 6 Alzheimer's residents anyway, so visits can get rather frustrating. I visit my mother in her MC once a week (at most) and stay for 1 hour (at most). If/when she starts acting up or getting too argumentative, then we leave.

Good luck!
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