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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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She can hardly even stand at the sink and make herself a sandwich, nothing that requires standing, walking, or using hands. It's now taking a village and a half to keep her in her place.
If you have a village and a half that is willing and available to keep her in her home set up a schedule for people who are helping out. Get organized. However, this isn't usually the case in most families as people have jobs and kids and spouses and lives that need tending to as well.
You know what the other alternative is. Assisted living. If members of the family or friends protest then ask them if they can pitch in more so she can continue to stay in her home. When it comes to placing our loved ones in a facility there are often dissenters among the family members but are those dissenters willing to do more, give up more, sacrifice more of their own lives so that the person can stay in their home?
When it takes a village to keep one person upright, safe, and in their own home it's probably time to look for alternatives.
mally1, you've got a couple of good answers from Eyerishlass and shakingoffdust. Assisted living will probably be less expensive than any alternative, especially if you don't ignore the unpaid costs of family caregivers. But if unpaid family caregivers are willing and able to provide help in sufficient amounts without endangering their own health and family well-being, then I think that's a good, compassionate and probably temporary solution.
shakingoffdust, I hope we really haven't been "stupid enough" to provide the level of care needed and instead that we were compassionate enough to do so for as long as we were able. But to your point, I think, compassionate people often get abused enough by others so that it appears there's some stupidity involved.
I’ve helped several people age in place. It is hard. Expectations have to be inline with the availability of help. No solution is perfect. They all require advocates and assistance no matter where they live. I’m like a broken record on this but read the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It will refresh your attitude and help you with a game plan. Since she’s not incompetent have real conversations about the future. She may not realize how close the future is. Make sure she has her legal documents in place in case she needs them. She needs to pay her on way. That will keep her more realistic about her choices. If she lives at home alone it sounds like she would be eligble for home health and therapy to help her with her mobility issues. My motto is “everyone’s life matters.”
Look for alternatives before you resent enabling her to stay in place. Now is the time to tour assisted living or other housing arrangements before a crisis happens like an emergency room visit because her legs gave out and she hit her head. Burnout starts slowly.
Thank you all! Finally got her to call her SW to start the application for Medicaid; she would never discuss it before. Also, on her drs advice, she called a PT, who won't come to her apt (it's a nightmare to get her anywhere; I can no longer do it alone), but he's looking for someone else for her; how nice of him! So there is some progress to report; her helpers are getting worn out, because of the level of help she requires and the many errands. We live in a small town where it is almost impossible to get decent help in any of the businesses, and the TWO caregiving companies cannot staff people. My mom has the only employee one of them has at present, and only because she had her first... but she's wearing down. No ALs take Medicaid here, and NH is full; the one 30 miles away has a bad rep; probably have to go 60 miles away, so hope we all hold up awhile longer.... she's spooking me, though, calling and falling.
mally1, glad to hear you're making some progress and thank you for letting us know. Obviously your situation remains hard. Kudos to you for your efforts to make the best of a difficult situation. I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation without the availability, affordability and close proximity of good help.
shakingoffdust, your situation also remains hard. Kudos to you for your efforts to make the best of a difficult situation. I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation, either. That may sound repetitive, but you and mally1, are both pretty amazing (as are the many, many other caregivers in this forum).
My WWII dad never drank and the memory care facility he's lived in since last August is the best I could find anywhere in the area and is just a pleasant 5-mile greenbelt bike ride from my home and I'm usually glad to make that ride every single day. Most of us have had to overcome obstacles in caring for our parents/spouses, but some have more or harder obstacles. That said, like shakingoffdust, caregiving affected my employment and as my dad's guardian/conservator I may soon have to take legal action against a sibling trustee of my dad's house, so even those of us who have it easier are not entirely without trials. Best wishes to all.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You know what the other alternative is. Assisted living. If members of the family or friends protest then ask them if they can pitch in more so she can continue to stay in her home. When it comes to placing our loved ones in a facility there are often dissenters among the family members but are those dissenters willing to do more, give up more, sacrifice more of their own lives so that the person can stay in their home?
When it takes a village to keep one person upright, safe, and in their own home it's probably time to look for alternatives.
shakingoffdust, I hope we really haven't been "stupid enough" to provide the level of care needed and instead that we were compassionate enough to do so for as long as we were able. But to your point, I think, compassionate people often get abused enough by others so that it appears there's some stupidity involved.
Expectations have to be inline with the availability of help. No solution is perfect. They all require advocates and assistance no matter where they live.
I’m like a broken record on this but read the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It will refresh your attitude and help you with a game plan.
Since she’s not incompetent have real conversations about the future. She may not realize how close the future is. Make sure she has her legal documents in place in case she needs them. She needs to pay her on way. That will keep her more realistic about her choices.
If she lives at home alone it sounds like she would be eligble for home health and therapy to help her with her mobility issues.
My motto is “everyone’s life matters.”
shakingoffdust, your situation also remains hard. Kudos to you for your efforts to make the best of a difficult situation. I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation, either. That may sound repetitive, but you and mally1, are both pretty amazing (as are the many, many other caregivers in this forum).
My WWII dad never drank and the memory care facility he's lived in since last August is the best I could find anywhere in the area and is just a pleasant 5-mile greenbelt bike ride from my home and I'm usually glad to make that ride every single day. Most of us have had to overcome obstacles in caring for our parents/spouses, but some have more or harder obstacles. That said, like shakingoffdust, caregiving affected my employment and as my dad's guardian/conservator I may soon have to take legal action against a sibling trustee of my dad's house, so even those of us who have it easier are not entirely without trials. Best wishes to all.