My father died in 1996 and left me a beaten up building that needed renovations. He verbally told me to provide my mother with an income for the rest of her life from the proceeds of the rent. I renovated the building to be usuable and rented. I pay the expenses in the building from the rent and provide my mother with a monthly income. My father left my mother a mortgage free house, a sizable IRA, and sizable money in bank accounts. My mother lives with my sister who is divorced and her 5 kids live in the house aged 35,33,32,28, &26. My mother also receives Social security from my father working years. She is always complaining that I don't give her enough. I told her I am married and have 2 children my spouse works as well as I do to support my household. My mother receives a total of approx. $ 3,000. per month tax free from social security, me, and my fathers IRA. This is also tax free since I pay her taxes too. My sisters (2) always complain and told me all the rent from the building should go to my mother and I should pay for the expenses for the building out of my pocket. I advised him and totally refused this issue. I give her what I give her- My sister who lives in the house supposedly pays all expenses of the house. So I told my mother what do you need more for ? If all expenses are being paid what's the problem? Then I find out that my sisters youngest was a drug addict and my mother was feeding the habit. He went into Rehab, met a girl in rehab and got her pregnant 3 times. Now this household has my mother, my sister, her 5 children, and now 3 more babies. I am now in my senior years planning for retirement and I get the constant call that I need more money from my mother. Why I ask and I get no real answer. I tell her the 5 kids upstairs collect rent from them and my sister paying all expenses in Lieu of rent you should be fine with what you get tax free. I am tired of all complaining and guilt bestowed upon me by my 2 sisters. What should I do ?
Why in the world are you paying your mother's taxes?? Put an end to that immediately. She also doesn't get paid off the top from the rent -- she gets paid AFTER expenses for the building are paid. That's how business works.
That building is a business -- treat it like one, and you'll know what you can afford to send your mother. Your labor isn't free either, so don't forget to pay yourself for the work you do. Only then, AS THE OWNER of that building, do you decide what to do with the profits.
Do seek help with all this. It sounds as though you need the advice of experts. Your Mom's estate can pay for CPA and attorney help. You can even consider a paid fiduciary. Then the crew will have no one to go to save that Fiduciary, hired to protect your Mom's money. They will not get fars with the hands-out stuff then. And you will be greatly relieved of burdens you shouldn't have to shoulder alone.
I would ask Mom if she wants to sell the building. You can then put the proceeds in a bank account and she can then withdraw out what she needs monthly or set up an annuity or trust where she receives something monthly. I would also tell her that she gets what she gets. If she needs more, get it out of the people who live with her.
Or, tell her to hire an Accountant. Then explain that he/she will have a fee, which u don't charge. Also, he/she will charge her for any OP they incur. For you, this is the way I would go since its so much a headache. Then Mom is on her own money wise. Its not up to you to support her. You have your own future. You are not responsible for the decisions she makes or for your sisters.
Your sister’s household sounds a bit chaotic. Sorry to be so blunt. Dysfunctional with a capital D!
Your mom is enabling them so that is fueling the fire.
I am glad that your nephew went to rehab and I sincerely hope that he will succeed in recovery. He will struggle with this his entire life.
I hope he’s attending meetings. There are virtual meetings during Covid.
It is always discouraged to date a fellow addict, so he’s not following the program. Having children that he cannot afford is never smart.
My Lord, you sound like the only sensible one in the group! Trust me I understand all of this, I grew up with an addict. My brother never followed programs either.
I agree with other posters. You have business expenses. You can’t just hand everything over to your mom.
Sounds like your mom and sister just want you to give them a charitable donation.
There is one answer for them which is, “No, oh h*ll no!”
Ask yourself why. Why are you financing 9 people's lives (if I'm counting right), and what happens when 9 turns into 10, 11, 12 and more? Should you go out and get another job to finance all of these expenses while the moochers do their thing?
Wise up. Today. Put an end to the nonsense. Pay your mother X amount of dollars each month based ONLY on the income coming in from the building you renovated. Nothing more. She learns to live within that budget and that's that.
You've honored your father's wishes and you've done WAY more than was ever expected of you. Let yourself off the hook now. You deserve to.