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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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This is a common situation. One I am watching with my own parents now (in reverse).
The short answer the Doctor gave was "She doesn't get to say no - the respite is for him."
My own interpretation is the dependant person (due to ALZ or many other conditions) trusts you. They feel comfortable with you, they can communicate easier with you, you know what they want quicker etc. So acknowledge this - what a great caregiver you are.
Unfortunately, the dependant person loses the judgement they once had. They may have lost empathy to see it from your point of view. Cannot see that relying on only one person is unreasonable. *Lack of insight* maybe want the Doctor will call it. I believe it also takes some acknowledgment on the caregiver's part to accept this loss of reason.
Alz is a long haul. Way too big for a lone caregiver. Support for you & your DH is required by a team.
When trying to get a bigger team for my family, either paid aides into the home or using respite accommodation, I came up against the same reason you presented. The dependant person didn't want it.
But more than that, the bigger barrier I found was was the caregiver not wanting to go against the care recipient's wishes. It looked simple from the outside - eg they need the care so organise the care. But it meant acknowledging the relationship had changed. That the caregiver has shifted from 'I will do what they want' to 'I will do what they NEED'. What they need is a team. In your case what will help him is a wife who still has enough energy & love to continue, not being burnt out.
Committed, I would suggest calling your local Alz organisation. They will have experience of this. Other councelling may help too. To gain support for the next part of this journey.
If he is going to a facility for you to get your respite, you let him see you pack both your bags. You “check in”, perhaps have lunch together, get him settled, then leave.
Are you looking for a full day of respite? A week? A couple of hours several days a week? If you're looking for a full day or a few hours several days a week, why not bring someone into the house instead of dropping him off? Maybe hire an agency. Maybe see if the church has volunteers to stay with him. Call the Alzheimer's Assn or/and the local Area Agency on Aging to get some ideas. The first time or two, don't immediately leave the house, in fact, don't leave the house at all. Spend time with the 3 of you so so he becomes familiar with the person. Discuss your husband's likes and dislikes with the person. (I made the mistake of leaving shorly after the aide arrived... not good).
We all get to point we need some time for ourselves. I think the 2 agencies I mentioned can help. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The short answer the Doctor gave was "She doesn't get to say no - the respite is for him."
My own interpretation is the dependant person (due to ALZ or many other conditions) trusts you. They feel comfortable with you, they can communicate easier with you, you know what they want quicker etc. So acknowledge this - what a great caregiver you are.
Unfortunately, the dependant person loses the judgement they once had. They may have lost empathy to see it from your point of view. Cannot see that relying on only one person is unreasonable. *Lack of insight* maybe want the Doctor will call it. I believe it also takes some acknowledgment on the caregiver's part to accept this loss of reason.
Alz is a long haul. Way too big for a lone caregiver. Support for you & your DH is required by a team.
When trying to get a bigger team for my family, either paid aides into the home or using respite accommodation, I came up against the same reason you presented. The dependant person didn't want it.
But more than that, the bigger barrier I found was was the caregiver not wanting to go against the care recipient's wishes. It looked simple from the outside - eg they need the care so organise the care. But it meant acknowledging the relationship had changed. That the caregiver has shifted from 'I will do what they want' to 'I will do what they NEED'. What they need is a team. In your case what will help him is a wife who still has enough energy & love to continue, not being burnt out.
Committed, I would suggest calling your local Alz organisation. They will have experience of this. Other councelling may help too. To gain support for the next part of this journey.
You will need to take the reins now.
Respite is for you.
We all get to point we need some time for ourselves. I think the 2 agencies I mentioned can help. Good luck.