My mother-in-law had a stroke in February and is unable to care for herself. She has been in and out of the hospital and several facilities - mostly due to her own behavior and low income/no savings. She is unhappy wherever she is and complains constantly about everything. Nothing is ever good enough. I have busted my butt to find her places to go and take care of her but she treats me like I'm not doing anything and have abandoned her and left her to die. She expects everyone to drop everything and be at her back and call. When she doesn't get what she wants she starts to cry and accuses everyone of not caring, not loving her, and generally being horrible people. I am at a point (and everyone else in her family has been at this point for a long time) where I am ready to give up and not deal with her at all. This is negatively impacting my health due to all the stress she is causing me. I am at a total loss as to what to do. There is no where else for her to go at this point.
First, understand that this is normal behaviour in a person suffering from Dementia. You can no longer reason with them. They process much slower and can't comprehend. If she was this way before, Dementia tends to make it worse. Think of her as a small child. She can no longer appreciate or show empathy. Her brain is broken, as some members call it, me I say its dying. She will never be happy. Don't feed into her demands.
She doesn't have to go anywhere. You have already found she is not happy anywhere she is. So don't worry about moving her anywhere else until her Dementia gets to the point she needs more care than an AL can give or the money runs out. Then Medicaid can be applied for.
If MIL is in an AL, then I assume you haven't been able to visit. Some members have seen this as a blessing. Its given them time to take a breath. You may need to just step back. If your visits seem to get her going, then don't go. Does she have a phone? Are you the only one she calls? At this point, since no one can visit I wouldn't take it away since its her lifeline. But if the calls she makes are just to complain to everyone, I would lose it when the Facilities reopen. Make sure you tell the staff you took it. You can ignore her calls. Let them go to VM. I use "Do not Disturb" on my phone. Only way I can set it up to only allow calls and texts from my contact list. I would take MIL off my CL. The call will go to VM and you can deal with her when in the mood. Or block her and you don't know she even called. Then you call her maybe 1x a day to see how she is and what she needs. When she gets started, just tell her time to go and hang up. There is no more trying to "condition" them or make them understand.
YOU WILL NEVER MAKE HER HAPPY! You have to come to this conclusion and stop trying to. And that is OK. Its OK to say I can't do this any more. The ball is now in your court.