My mom is 91with dementia. She lived by herself until the Dr. said she needed skilled nursing care which was in May of this year.She was hospitalized for a week and didn't even know where she was.She thinks a man is going to kill her and put her in the river. She was like this before the episode in May.Every where she goes the man is there.I need advice because I'm sure there's others on the site who have dealt with this.Thanks
Do you have any issues with the care she's getting in the NH she's in?
If not then leave her there.
Her doctor can prescribe medication to help with anxiety. Other than that there's not a lot that can be done.
Is she a religious woman? If she is then maybe you can have her clergy come by and give her a small cross she can wear or some other symbol of faith that can be a comfort to her.
It sounds to me like she's in a dementia loop. Does she tell other people in the NH about this man trying to kill her or it is only you?
If it's only you, then she may still possess enough cognitive ability to put on a "performance" for you. If such is the case, tell her thats not true and refuse to discuss it further.
If she tells staff members, then she really needs some medication to help her be calm.
Who knows what's going though her fractured mind? She may be remembering a scary person from her childhood or a character in a movie.
Ask for some anti-anxiety medication for her.
The sister in law was the designated caregiver, trustee and had all control.
RE the NH situation, check out if she is right. Some places are nice when the family is visiting, but horrible behind the scenes. I don’t like facilities, so I care for my husband at home.
I agree with others to talk to doc about anxiety meds.
I would recommend that you ask the staff to help you convince her that the man was caught and arrested, she is safe and doesn't need to worry anymore. He is behind bars and will never be able to get near her or anyone else ever again.
Dementia just sucks, for everyone involved. I pray she accepts his arrest and incarceration and stops feeling unsafe and fearful.
Our youngest daughter let her 1st born watch scary movies, cartoons, whatever. She was mom and she was bound and determined to be the boss. Okay. However, this caused our granddaughter to be scared senseless of bathrooms. Yea, I know, we were too.
So, one day at my office, this 3 year old needs to go potty, then has a melt down because she doesn't want to go in the bathroom, there's ghosts in there Nana. Broke my heart! So, I empowered her, instead of punishment, as others were doing, (because potty training was NOT going well) gave her the words to drive the ghosts away. She could often be heard saying them for the next year or so.
I taught her to open the door and say, "123 BOO!" because that scared the ghosts and they left right away. The 1st time I made a big dramatic scene about seeing them flee. You could see the power it gave her to be able to drive them away.
You could try something simple like this, if your mom doesn't buy the arrest and incarceration. Something simple that gives her the power to protect herself and drive her demons away may be the answer.
I pray you find something soon to relieve her fear.
Limit your visit time. You can try redirection when she starts the " find a new place" to a neutral or positive subject. May or may not work. Read a story or article to her; lotion her hands, go for walk with her to perhaps an outdoor area( if she is able with or without wheelchair), look at a magazine that you bring that may have pictures she will enjoy or prompt conversation etc etc etc. Tell her you love her and will be back soon. Get emotional counseling for yourself and practice good self care.
Try to understand that she doesn't remember the who what where when how whys of her placement due to dementia. Do not add more anxiety to yourself trying to explain it over and over. Be sure that her PCP knows about her " fear" and other behaviors you observe or experience when visiting her; PCP may refer if not already to a Geriatric Psy. that might have assessments that may offer other insight and options to help her.
You are safe here.
I told them at the desk not to let "the man" in.
I am working on finding you another place but I have not found any as safe as this one.
Keep telling her that she is safe where she is.
It is lived through, and live with, but never handled.
Simply repeat over and over that this is now her home, and that there are people in her home now who will keep her safe. That you love her. That is all.
It will likely changed nothing about obessions she gets. You might discuss with her MD some trials of low dose anti- depressants which sometimes can help with obessional thinking.
I am so sorry you are going through this and sorry esp. for your Mom.