My 90 year old aunt (never married, no children) owns and lives in a small house on .5 acres that was left to her after her own parents died many years ago. She has lived there for 60 years. She is very frail with some new health issues, so she can barely manage at home alone. Doesn't drive. Aunt is very reluctant to spend any $ on her own care even though she has PLENTY, so it is difficult for family to see her living alone. We try to help out best we can, although we don't live locally. She is mentally sharp and negates most suggestions. ("I'm not paying for that.") Another problem is her property sits in the backyard of my deceased father's house and land. We have been trying to sell his property, but no buyers want to purchase this property with Aunt living in her house on her .5 acre in the middle of Dad's backyard. Family is not going to push her out. She is determined to stay put. My emotions range from empathy for an old woman trying to stay independent, to frustration and annoyance since she is preventing the sale of Dad's empty house, which is becoming a money pit. We have thought about renting Dad's house, but much $ has to be invested to make it rentable. Help needed with suggestions on property situation, as well as how to think about her. I don't want to be angry with her, but she is so hard to deal with!
She is frail. She is stubborn as you say. She is even a bit selfish. In other words, set in her ways and expects you to accept it!
I wonder what you could say to her that would convince her to go into assisted living which would benefit everyone.
I know this is a serious issue and truly I don’t wish to be disrespectful but I have a quirky sense of humor at times. I was thinking that you could hire actors from a community theater or theater majors from a nearby university to play the part of whackos and introduce them as her future neighbors!
Maybe an assisted living facility would look like a nice option after she saw the alternative. Hahaha
The set up of her house is so odd. You know, the fact that it sits in the middle of the yard. So, is it sort of like a ‘guest house’ on the property? How big is the house? Would she sell it to you? Could be a great selling point for your listing of your dad’s house. Can it be fenced off? I’m a bit confused about how how house is situated.
If none of the family lives locally, I don't see how she is a burden on them, just that they need her property
As another issue, is your aunt’s house on stumps? If so, could it be moved to a more convenient place on the property? Could she accept this? A move without distance transport can be surprisingly cheap. The change in titles would need to be registered to free up your own sale, so you need legal advice again and also this might be part of a settlement.
Otherwise, you may need to sit it out until your aunt dies or can no longer cope at home. Do you know how her will leaves her property? Or who would inherit on intestacy? Perhaps you could have a reasonable conversation with her about what happens in the future. If she spends years in hospital (no need to mention a NH), this will be an even bigger pain in the neck. You might even manage to get her to visit AL etc, to see how things turn out for many people over 90 who are as capable as she is. She doesn’t want change now, but she might be willing to talk about the future. She may understand that whoever inherits the house is likely to be plunged immediately into legal action, which is in no-one’s best interest.
Tricky!
Thanks for the clarification. So, you brought up the house as part of the topic but not the main issue. The main issue is her wellbeing, correct?
Can you get her to agree to an assessment from Council on Aging in her area? They help with bathing, tidying up, preparing light meals and so forth. She would most likely qualify for this free program.
Could you call adult protective services to check out her situation?
Does she have friends that help her? Is she active in a church? Do church members help?
I don't think ur going to change Aunt at this time. May just have to wait until a crisis. Maybe call Office of Aging to evaluate her. Maybe she will listen to strangers.
Assuming that you don't have a cousin waiting to inherit this could be a good deal. It gives someone time to get some equity in the main house and potential rental income for future.
At 90 you probably are not going to get her to change, you will have to decide how much propping up you are willing to do and get creative with selling dads house.
I still get annoyed with land locked properties that were deeded before ingress and egress laws came into effect.
Talk to her heirs and find out if they are interested in having the buyer of dads house purchase aunt's with it written in to the contract.