I was able to get Dad moved into the new facility, but he is SO confused. I really think the long drive has him thinking that we moved from our hometown to another location. He thinks he is in a hotel, and he's afraid to touch anything.
I spent lots of time with him picking out locations for all of this things and letting him decide where he wanted furniture, etc. but he doesn't remember doing any of it.
He's not eating in the dining room, and today he said the items in his room don't belong to him. I keep trying to explain that this is where he lives now, but he just wants me to pick him up from the hotel.
I had planned to not visit for a few days. I told him I was in another town for work. Will that help or hinder?
I expected some challenges with the move, but not this. I feel awful.
You see, Tiny, none of us has the One True Guidebook. We can share what worked or didn't work for us and what we've read would theoretically work. But your father is different from our loved ones. And your father no doubt varies from day to day. You are not going to get every decision "right." Not possible. And sometimes you won't even know whether what you did was right or not. I see you pretty frantically try to always do what is best for your father. That is admirable, and it is a good motivating factor. But you cannot succeed 100%. Not possible.
My advice is to do your best, if it doesn't work try something different, and RELAX.
Your expectation that you should be perfect I think gets in the way of you simply being great (which you have been).
I'm assuming he was confused while he was at home and that is partially the reason you placed him in a facility. If he was confused in his own home it's only natural that he would experience increased confusion in a new environment.
Have you spoken to anyone at the facility about how he's doing? Do they come to get him for meals so he can eat in the dining room?
It's difficult to say if your visiting him now would be better or worse. Perhaps you can plan a short visit and see how that goes. Get an idea of how he's doing. See how he reacts when you leave and then decide if you need to hold off on another visit. While you're there ask the advice of the staff.
There are others here who have placed a loved one with dementia in a facility. See what they have to say as well.
We have mixed emotions when our loved ones are placed in a community, and it is a huge adjustment...for everyone. But like others keep saying on this site: They are safe and cared for.