He doesn’t do anything. I have to wait on him all the time. He will sit in the dark until I put a light on or television on. He watches me struggle to cut grass or lift heavy things and doesn't even offer help. He wets the bed every night and covers it up with the top sheet, wetting that too.
doctors first, if it’s not just depression, then get outside helpers, They might get him to shower. Get someone to mow the grass, if you can’t or don’t want to.
hospital bed is easier to clean, pee pads washable or disposable and pull up depends with male night time inserts
Your first priority is to get him to the doctor for a full evaluation.
This could be dementia, what type would have to be determined by the doctor.
This could be depression.
If this is dementia it will NOT get better.
Get waterproof mattress pads.
Get under pads as well.
He should be wearing incontinence pull-up "underwear".
Make sure he goes to the bathroom right before he goes to bed and try to limit fluids at least 2 hours before he goes to bed.
If you can not do certain things yourself without risk getting hurt you NEED to have someone help you. (If you injure yourself he is not going to be able to help you or even call for help and he will not be able to help you while you recover)
There are statistics that show many caregivers die before the person they are caring for. Please do not become a statistic.
There are medications that can possibly slow the progression of some dementia but they should be taken early..how long has your husband been like this?
As to showering you can get someone to come in to help. Contact an agency and they can send a shower aid. If your husband is a Veteran the VA might also have services and programs that would help out.
You can also contact your local Senior Center they may have Social Workers that can set you on the right path to getting help.
Do you have any family that you can contact to help you?
And as far as him not wanting to shower often, have you at least tried the adult size body wipes. They work decent for the in between baths or showers. Better than nothing. They also make a rinse free shampoo and conditioner cap that you just warm up in the microwave for about 25 seconds and then he or you can use to wash his hair without having to get in the shower. I had to use both the wipes and shampoo caps when I had my hip replacement surgery and couldn't get in the shower for about a week after. They might be worth a shot. Good luck.