My son Trey is 23 years old and has to make decisions for his dad. I am Trey's mother, his dad and I are divorced, but were still friends/co-parenting our kids. His dad had a fall, had an emergency craniotomy and, as a TBI patient, cannot return to work as a teacher. He has to make decisions on ALOT of things, neither he nor my daughter live with him and no family can care for him. What would be next steps? His insurance is going to be cancelled since he can't go back to work, will need to go on Medicaid and will need to look at assisted living since the nursing care facility can't care for him anymore because of insurance. This is a lot for a 23 year old, where can he get help making these decisions?
AND
What help and support can you/are you willing to give the son?
This all hinges on the answers to those questions.
I agree with you.
The father has no funds, I am assuming, as you say he requires Medicaid.
He is unlikely to find ALF that will take this insurance. He will likely go into nursing home care.
The father's needs, the father's inability to pay for any of his needs, I feel is way too much for a 23 year old to negotiate. I feel if the father had funds the son could hire an attorney to help, but as it is the son is not even going to have any idea what help is available to the dad for this injury.
This gentleman was a teacher. Do you know what disability insurance he may have through that?
Was this TBI a result of any accident, because if so there may be insurance for lifetime care in the event of a suit.
If there is nothing, then I feel your husband, who has not even lived with his children, must become a ward of the state. I can't know if there is a sister or brother or parent out there to assume any caretaking decisions, but your son, as next of kin, need not take this on. Not even if he is named POA. If he is POA he can refuse to serve UNLESS he HAS ALREADY BEEN DOING SO. That would require an attorney and a plea to be dismissed from duty due to incompetency and inability to act for the father.
So it is time now for a call to social services wherever your husband is. To tell them that his son is too young, as next of kin, to act for his father, and to say that the father must have guardianship of the state.
Once this is done, of course, the family will have NOTHING to say. They will be visitors, and will not be able to weigh in on options for care, where, and etc. The State will take it all on and they will make ALL DECISIONS.
I am so sorry. This is awful. But I have a 24 year old grandson and I know full well, smart as he is, that he would in no wise be able to handle THIS. Not without a good deal of funds for good expert advice.
State guardianship does NOT mean he has been abandoned. You both will still have contact (and probably some influence) even if you don't make all the decisions. Please don’t let Trey drift into making is his own job – he needs a real job to start his own life and career, not this. Get him to back out now, if you can.
Your ex has 2 issues: a wisdom-for-decisions issue, and a money issue.
Your son will certainly need to consult with more experienced adults before he makes any medical decisions on his Father's behalf. He can be the final decision-maker (on paper, with docs) but he absolutely can't make them without help.
Assuming your son is actually your ex's PoA, then he can manage his financial affairs, again with input and advice.
But, if your son is not his Father's legal PoA, this is a problem. If no one is your ex's PoA or legal guardian then technically no one is really able to make decisions for him or manage his affairs -- certainly the banks won't even talk to your son or allow him to do anything with any of the ex's accounts unless there's someone else joint on the account.
Does your ex qualify for LTC? If he's under retirement age he can apply for SSDI for him. Your son needs to start talking to a social worker to see what options there are for his Dad. It will take a while to sort stuff out. If it gets to be too much for your son, then the only other option is for a judge to court-appoint a non-family guardian. I've been in this situation with my SFIL and guardians do work in their charge's best interests, and find housing, medical care and manage all his affairs. The family will not have access but the guardian will permit healthy family relationships to continue as before.
I wish you and your son all the best in this challenging situation.
If you son has not talked to the school I think that would be my first stop. See what they can do. Did he get short-term disability thru them? Has he applied for Social Security Disability? He would get Medicare and maybe Medicaid for health. Was he in the service?
He is not going to get into an AL using Medicaid. Does the facility he is in now except Medicaid LTC? If so, start the application for Medicaid with them. If not, he will need to be moved to a facility who takes it unless he has the money to pay privately for an AL.
What if your son takes care of his Dad for 10 years or longer?
That would bring him close to being 40.
How about his education, career, family?
As I mentioned in another posts, somebody said that and I will repeat that again:
Just because one life is ruined it does not mean another live has to be ruined as well.
I feel sorry for everyone.
I am glad that your son knows his limitations. He simply cannot handle all of this on his own.
He needs help with all of this so he can make the best decision regarding his dad’s care and his own future.
Your son has a lot on his plate right now. I certainly hope that this will be resolved soon, so that he can move forward in his life.
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