Hello everyone. Have any of you had to deal with a parent that stops showering and body odor?
I posted about my FIL and his depression. They did discontinue the new antidepressant medication. However, last week the AL told me he hasn’t showered in over a week. This is out of character for him. The staff have all brought up his body odor and they have talked to him about showering. So the owner asked me to talk to him. Well, I asked him about it and if something was going on. He said he washes himself head to toe every night in his bathroom. Then I asked why not the shower. I asked if there was something wrong because he had showered every night for the last 6 months. His response was it’s not clean then it was messy then it was cold and then he was too sweaty from jogging through the park. Side note, last week I was so concerned about him thinking he couldn’t walk to the end of the driveway. It was scary at how fast he forgot. He said why don’t they talk to me. I said they have and they asked me if I could talk to you since we can talk about anything. Basically we went in circles. He said he won’t listen to me because I nag. I feel bad because I just upset him. At least, he got to the coffee shop. I told the staff I talked to him. They said maybe lee would have better luck. Having it come from another guy. Any other suggestions? Thank you 😊
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You are so smart! You saved yourself a lot of aggravation.
Why ru talking to FIL, why not your husband its his father. You have Mom, husband needs to take care of his Dad.
Ask the AL if they "ask" him meaning "Mr. FIL would you like to get a bath?" Well of course he will say no. They need to say "time for a shower". If he says no, then they say "wouldn't you feel better being all clean and feeling good in nice clean clothes?" My daughter says by saying it that way, he makes the decision.
I too think FIL needs more care than an AL is capable of.
I had a terrible time because I was the only one that would say anything, so it wasn't him, it was me being mean. I finally had a melt down with his AL, do your frickin job and get him clean. (His was behind odor and it was gaggingly foul, still can't figure out why I had to pitch a fit, who wants to breathe that while working.)
What does the contract say they are responsible and accountable for.? There has to be a standardized method for naming these facilities, it's just insane.
Have they checked him for a UTI?
The staff of the AL should not be asking you to “talk to him” and convince him he needs to shower or convince him he needs to do anything. This is their job. This is why he’s there. This is what you’re paying for. Someone to take the responsibility for his care. Even though you’ve always been very involved, this is their job now. A good STNA or CNA can say, “Come on, Mr. FIL, it’s time for your shower now.” and not put up with any excuses or anything else from him. He goes, he gets his shower and 30 minutes later, he’s clean and back in his room. My husband, when he was in rehab a few years back had a favorite aide he still calls “Sarge”. She put up with nothing from him and he can out-stubborn the best of them.
Whether you can talk about anything with him or not, this is the job of the AL. Don’t agree to step in and take over. You have other fish to fry and so does Lee.