Follow
Share

Mom is being placed very soon. Just waiting for paperwork, etc. When I sit in here looking around I start getting so sad. This house is fabulous, historical and right in downtown Silverton, OR. It is paid for, so I would only have utilities but it is huge and I don't know if I can take care of it myself after mom leaves. What would you do? I also need the money to place her. This whole thing is sooo stressful and painful. It's almost like the house is calling out to me to keep it.

I spent a fair amount of time agonizing over whether I should keep my parent's home for myself. I fantasized about the upgrades I would do, I got quotes for new windows and doors, explored getting a severance (it was part of the family farm). In the end I knew it was more house than I needed and I realized that no matter how charming old homes can be they need constant attention and are often money pits. Hard as it was I sold the property and moved mom and I to a little, more modern house in a nearby town, and today I'm so happy I did.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to cwillie
Report

Take pictures of the house and let them be your remembrance. An aging house that belonged to parents can become a money pit and an albatross around your neck.

I had similar feelings as you do but eventually realized that selling their home was necessary and inevitable. It was a relief afterward.

Not only that, but I felt a healthy amount of anger that they’d left me with the tangle of belongings and junk and legal issues that I’d had to resolve, taking away more than 5 years of my life, enjoyment, and earning power. I didn’t deserve that. They should have dealt with their own issues while they still could. My resentment made it easy not to want to hang onto things that would bring them too much to mind.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

I just sold Mom's 4700 square foot home that was waterfront on a river on the Chesapeake Bay.
It was sad but the house was simply too big and a lot of upkeep.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to brandee
Report

I agree with others not to romanticize keeping the house. She needs the money to pay for her care so unless she has scads more resources than the house, it needs to be sold.

Nothing stays the same forever... as we age we all need to come to peace with this fact. Count your blessings that you were able to live in such a charming town and place. Many people don't even get to have that. If you take good pics, then you can publish a nice memory book from places like Shutterfly and Tiny Prints (to name a few). It can be like a coffee table book for conversation.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

For years, I thought that my sister and I would share dad's house in a resort area after he passed. (He set it up to become ours at the moment of his death.) Now that the reality of owning his home has come, I realized that I don't want the responsibility of caring for the house and paying all the fees that come along with it or even living in that area. Nor do I want to rent it out and have that responsibility. As hard as it is, we are taking what we want, and in July will be contacting a relative who owns a real estate firm to have them list it. This is not what I thought would happen, but when push came to shove, I realized that this is really better for us.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to graygrammie
Report

I feel your pain. My mom recently died and we are preparing her house to sell. It isn't a beautiful, historical house, but it is fairly nice and I grew up there. Just the fact that we can't even GIVE away things like mom's solid mahogany bedroom set, and my grandmother's gold rimmed china breaks my heart.

Like others here, I fantasized about moving in and then fixing my house up to sell, or renting to family, which would turn into a disaster. Either way, I would ultimately have to sell it, and I feel like the market could go down from here. Plus I'm exhausted from the last year of mom's life.

I know selling it is the right thing to do, and you said you need the money to place your mom, so you probably have to make the same decision. I'm trying to do what grandma1930 suggested and picture a young, happy family growing up there. It makes easier to let go. I wish you the best.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to LilyLavalle
Report
NeedHelpWithMom May 30, 2024
I hear a lot of people saying that they want to pass items down to their kids and that their kids don’t want them. They have different tastes than their parents.
(2)
Report
Goodbyes can be hard, even to a house. My parents built a new home after I was grown, but it still became special, the base for all the family dinners and holidays. I was tasked with selling it after dad died and no doubt it was emotional. What helped me was thinking of a new family getting to have those same happy times in the home, building their own memories. I even left a short note in a kitchen drawer saying my parents had built, loved, and cared for the home for many years, and I wished them the same experience of good times in the home. You’re correct, you’ll need the money from the sale, you’ll also need the peace that can come from turning a page and seeing what the next chapter holds. Wishing you the best
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

I would never rent a house like this out. People do not care for others belongings. Does the Community have a historical society? Maybe they will purchase it?

Know that anyone who can afford to buy the house appreciates it. They are buying because they like the history behind it. Probably will not change a thing and will love it.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
NeedHelpWithMom May 30, 2024
So true!

When my aunt and uncle died. Mom rented out their home. It was a nightmare. The home had to be renovated before the house could be sold later.

If the home is registered as a landmark in the area, you cannot go to a big box store to purchase anything.

You have to go to an architectural supply shop to get authentic period replacements for anything that needs repairing.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
It to bad this wasn't thought about , from your mom, earlier in her life. Some one could of made the house into 2 family home, or even rent rooms out.

But this is often the case, people don't want change , specially when we age, and don't want to admit are age.

I'm truly sorry, it sounds like a beautiful home
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report

Hello,

So this is your mother's house, correct? I'm assuming you're POA. The POA has a responsibility to use the person's assets in the person's best interests. That would mean selling her house and using the funds to support her care needs, just like she'd have to do for herself if she was in a position to downsize on her own. Her house = her money, meant to pay for her care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to ElizabethY
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter