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MY grandmother yet again has stop eating and is eating very very little. Last year she was put into the hospital twice and this year she did it back in February but later rebounded. It is getting very tiring since she is taking her medicine yet she refuses to eat for no reason and I have to coax her into it. She hasn't eaten a full meal since Wednesday to be exact. Thursday to now Wednesday she just nit picked at her food or didn't eat at all on some days such as Sunday and Monday. I feel like I'm at wits ends with her she refuses medical treatment since she has been cleared of any mental disturbances as and as her POA its very difficult since I'm only 20. I have yet to been able to go out at all this summer as well as land a job since she seem to go into a tantrum in front of a manager or she will simply stop eating as she is doing now. I don't know what else to do since she refuses to pay off any of the doctors from her last hospital stay and I can't pay them myself since I have to go through her 1st and even when I had done that she was very upset. I just don't know what else to do now. Should I try to get her to eat more or should I try to get a doctor in since she's too weak to drive she has some slight twitching and she already fell twice. I feel like giving up on her because she just won't listen at all and even when i tried to get her last doctor in to help her doctor just simply seem not care at all.

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lillyrae, what a difficult situation you are in! May I ask how/why you are the POA and primary caregiver? This is not a job or a role suitable for a twenty-year-old, in my opinion. You need to be building a good foundation for your own future. You need to be furtherig your education, establishing a work history, making a variety of friends, and perhaps preparing for a permanent relationship and starting a family. You should be learning about managing your own finances.

If you are POA you are supposed to be managing Grandma's finances, but it doesn't sound like that is working out well. I think you are in over your head. This is not a criticism at all ... it is just an obsevation regarding the inappropriateness of the role you are trying to play.

How old is your grandmother? What was she in the hospital for? What are her chronic conditions and impairments? How long have you been her caregiver? Is there any other family involved in her care? Does she have income? Assets? Is she on Medicaid?
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I think we must deal with them very nicely because at certain stage the aged ones behaves like they are children and of course as we do take care of our children.. They also needs to be pampered and taken care of just like our own children and for those who can not take care of their elders or seniors i must say that the
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To jeannegibbs,
She just turned 72
Right now I'm currently waiting on the doctors office to do something. I called them repeatedly to send out a home health nurse and never did. I am going to call them until someone answers me. She was in the hospital twice over depression but they said they found dementia and then her doctor at the hospital said she has depression because she is "too with it". I've been a part time grandchild and caretaker, therapist for her for a very long time she raised me. Yet almost everyday she seems to forget where we are going if we are in the car or she becomes very distracted when driving. Last night and currently she's been acting out in her sleep calling me saying we must go to the court house or calling my mother's name who hasn't been here in over 23 years. She keeps calling over and over and then goes back to sleep and then starts to cry or mumble about something that isn't there. I tried to get her to eat or drink but now she hasn't drank water in the past 24 hours and she will not let me give her water. She fell about this time last year and hit the back of her head very hard and the doctors told me that they found taht her brain was bruised and perhaps dying slowly because of that. But at her last visit to the hospital in October they told me it was nothing. My uncle was her POA and he stole from her and from me and she had it changed to me. I didn't want to become one but a good friend told her I would be able to do it. The currently have her diagnosed with depression, kidney disease which I never knew until I read one of her letters and called them about it., dementia, and some circulatory disease as well. She also has thyroid problems. She has a income of social security and pension and she has medicaid, and stocks that were originally intended for be left for me from her friend who passed away but he never had them changed over so she is now receiving them until the end of life.
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To Micheal,
thanks for the information. I'm thinking I will talk about it to her as well as the healthcare nurse and her primary doctor about assisted living. I think it will be better for her but at this point I really can't continue taking care of her.
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lillyrae,

I am sorry that you have to go through this with your grandparent. This is a common issue among elders.

Here is an article on Ten Reasons Why Your Aging Parent May Not Be Eating Properly:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Ten-Reasons-Why-Your-Aging-Parent-May-Not-Be-Eating-Properly-And-What-You-Can-Do-About-It-133239.htm

This might give you some insight to why your grandparent isn't eating and what to do about it.

Hope this helps,
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
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Thank you everyone. I had her admitted to the hospital and they found that her electrolytes were off as well as dehydration. I'm still waiting for the doctor to tell me whats going on.
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Lillyrae, please keep us posted. Don't let another doctor sweep this under the rug. Grama needs help. Before she's discharged they have to make sure she has a place to go back to that can take care of her needs. Tell them everything you told us and that you can't keep taking care of her. They will have to arrange for her care in another way. You need to start taking care of yourself. You can visit often wherever she goes. This is workable.
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Lillyrae, You have done the best you can. You have been thrown into a situation which is way too hard. I give you credit for trying. I totally agree with Mrs. Ribit. Something needs to be done prior to hospital discharge. And the way insurance reimburses the hospital, they will have her discharged as soon as possible. The depression could be one of the main reasons she is not eating/drinking... hence the dehydration. Make it very clear to your grandma's caseworker you can not manage her at home. I would also let the case worker know there are relatives who have taken advantage of her which is a form of Elder Abuse...... Keep strong.....
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Thank you for the update. It is really good that Gramma is getting the medical attention she needs. You made a good decision to get her there.

The hospital has social workers who help plan discharges and let the patient know about options etc. Ask to speak to the social worker now -- don't wait for a hurried discussion before discharge. As mrsribit and nj2bfree say, this is the time to make it known that you cannot be her sole caregiver, and that she needs more help than you can provide 24/7 and that discharging her back to her home without assistance in place will be dangerous.

You are doing a great job.
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I called to talk to her and she's very confused and very angry. Her nurse told me that her potassium levels keep fluctuating and they aren't sure why. I think it is because of her ulcers that she has as well as her kidneys not working properly. The doctor hasn't talked to me yet but I told her nurse to have both him and the case worker contact me asap. My boyfriend is very worried about her and if her potassium drops again she might end up having cardiac arrest or lose her ability or perhaps move seeing how weak she is still. The good news is that she is now eating solids and sweets but she is still confused and can't remember if I visited her at all. She is normally not like that as I told the nurse in person and on the phone she's very sharp and she's with it but it is her depression that seems to be chronic as well as other physiological things as well. I explained to her I live with her but I had to put off going to college because of her and she told me that she will let the doctor know about it. My boyfriend and I are seeking senior communities in Cleveland where she can still be independent and keep her car or have some sort of transportation to places, and a nurse and doctor on hand or check up on her from time to time. We haven't found any yet but she really need it. Our plan is that I can probably have my own place or live with him until I have a steady job and visit or stay with her for the weekend so she won't feel abandoned. My hope is now that she will get better and plan accordingly. Thank you to everyone here for your support. I will keep you updated on any changes or what is next to come. I can say it is not easy at all but I am determined to get her as much help as I can and for myself to go to school. Thank you again!
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Lillyrae, sounds like you are getting things in motion, good on you!

From what you shared, your Grandmother for sure cannot, and should no longer drive.

If you are able to find a Care facility close to you, I would advise that you keep the car and go and take her on any appointments she needs to get to, as you would otherwise have to have car at the facility and trust the director and staff to put it to use for her only when she needs it.

I think you can take better care of the car for her, and if you do pick up some college classes, I am sure your Grandmother would rather you had the transport when you are not getting her to her appointments or errands, rather than strangers using the car, or it sitting at the facility - she did take care of you, and you do have POA.

I would also encourage you to stay with her in her room at the hospital if they have a pull-out chair or bed for a family member to stay overnight/out side of visiting hours.

I did this for my elderly relatives, no problem. The best part of being on-site, is that you can better advocate for her, and have more information as you monitor hospital staff caring for her/get more info on all her health issues and history, and more opportunities to get with social worker - request them to be paged to room, so you can fully discuss and your grandmother can voice any input if she can.

If not an ideal situation, you can discuss with social worker outside the room/your grandmother's hearing. She will need to be kept informed of discussion and changes in her living situation, and it's best to tackle them in the hospital environment, where the medical professionals will be (have to be in any case,) since you will be on the premises, so you can minimize delayed responses from them, as you would be on-site, and they have to deal with you before discharge can take place.

I always got the best results this way myself, as I was always on hand and even caught billed for items and services later on bills for items and services that were not provided, which I was able to get credits given on. I never would have know if I had not been there.

You are doing great, keep it up, and let us know how things go, all the best!!
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Well I recieved news by someone who called to inquire about my grandmother. The nurse told her that she have to be placed into a nursing home and that they will be transferring her as soon as a bed is ready for her. They never informed me about it and the person who called was a mutual friend. She told me that she feels that either way I will have no power in the matter regardless of her living will or that i am her POA. She told me that my uncle will have to say so because he is her oldest son. Regardless if the paperwork is legal or not I have no say so in the matter she told me due to state law she said. She lives in another state than where me and my grandmother is and she told me regardless of the laws here my uncle will have to come back here to sign papers. Even though he isn't her caregiver. I tried to explain to her but she keep telling me either way I will have no home or anything for that matter even if I get a lawyer. I really don't know what else to do. She told me not to tell them anything about what her finaces are even though the state will take it even if my name is under hers. To me I feel like giving up and let the state do it then since apparently my uncle will be back into this and the hospital will not work with me at all. They won't because I'm not old enough apparently as well as I'm not her closest kin. I feel like they don't even care about me and with this mutual friend she seem to make this even more harder than it is but apparently it is her dementia that is getting worse. But I pushed the doctor to make sure it was and they reassured me it was just depression. I just don't know what else to do even if I go to legal aid or ask for advice they will just tell me the same thing that nothing can be saved for me at all.
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Lillyrae, sorry for all you are going through. You need to contact the Lawyer your Grandmother and yourself worked with when you signed the POA, and have him/her contact the Social Worker/Nurse at the Hospital and get Status of your Grandmother direct, then lawyer would be in best position to advise you what can or cannot be done. Don't go by what other people are saying or determining. You have the POA, and the hospital, doctor, your Uncle, etc., would have to have grounds to have it nullified, and until then, it is legally binding. If your Uncle has one to present that is dated after yours, etc., that will need to be address, and reasons why your Grandmother assigned POA to you, etc., instead of him in the first place. Keep us posted! Chin up!
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I will and thank you. I got advice from an ex attorney and he told me what grandma's friend told me was wrong. He gave me an attorney that might have some advice for me and might be able to help me if I need it. I'm hoping everything gets better but I might have to talk to him and see if I can get something moving about what and why are they doing things without my consent.
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Awwh, sweetie, you are welcome!

We are all here to support each other. Don't wait to see if things will improve though, otherwise they make take actions like moving her, etc., that will need to be addressed on top of everything else.

Best to take the bull by the horns and get legal help in play now. Great on the ref you got - also talk to lawyer that you and your Grandmother used services when you both signed POA. They would be best placed to site her state of mind, etc., when she undertook action to give you POA. Let us know what happens, all the best!
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lillyrae, as caprica says, your POA status cannot be overridden just on uncle's say-so. It is perfectly valid for a 20-year-old to be POA in Pennsylvania.

I suggest that you contact that lawyer who was recommended to you and not wait to see if things will get better.

Being in the nursing home might just be what is best for Grandma. And having her son take over responsibilities might also be suitable. But those decisons need to involve the person Gramda designated to make them ... namely, you!

Please, contact the lawyer. It is obvious you are being ignored and I don't think it will get better on its own ... in the eyes of the hospital and your uncle, you are just a kid. In the eyes of the law, you have legal responsibilities for acting on your GM's behalf.
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The doctor called me this morning as he promised he will do. He informed me that the reason why they are saying it is her dementia becuse of the misdiagnoises that the hospital never cleared up when I asked them to. I explained to him that yes she has depression and will go into time to time because she would like to move out from this area. I explained to him she also has ulcers and she has a thyroid problem and she started to cut down on her smoking as well and she started to show signs of withdrawl about 3 weeks ago. I told him I've been with her for a very long time and they had her tested and she passed the 3 part test for dementia as well as the oral testing as well and the doctor overseeing her did not remove that diagnoses so that is what is making this issue even more complicated. He told me that he will do as much as he can and because of me suggesting them moving her to a closer facility they will be doing so in a day or two so I will be able to get there by car or bus. The tests came back her kidneys are now working but she's going through complete withdrawl and he asked if they could give her a nicotine patch I told him it will be fine since it will help with her calming down. I told him I'm aware that her confusion might takes weeks to clear and he informed me that she will have the doctor I suggested for her so we can work more on getting her back to her health and perhaps removing that dementia diagnose from her health records if she becomes healthy enough to take the test over again. So that makes me feel abit better seeing he agreed with me because he said he wasn't sure why they would say she has dementia seeing she passed her driver's test again last year an has been doing fine without her medicine as he said it could also be caused by her thyroid medicine not being up to par with her needs as it was the 1st time she became sick. I will be however getting in contact with a lawyer just in case they refuse to work with me but they have in the past if they do have her past doctor who took his time to talk to her on a personal level and talked to me as well. I'm hoping with this she will agreeable to move to a smaller place but in a new city since this is what brought on her depression. It's been very hard in the past 3 years she wants to work but her back keeps her from working for long as well as the death of her best and only close friend. He died about this time last year and she couldn't go to his funeral and she has been keeping that guilt inside and as her doctor said it could had brought this on. Thank you again everyone and I hope she will bounce back to normal as I will be pushing them to keep her there until she gets better. It might be a month and half like before but I want to make sure they do this right and not go between depression and dementia.
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Today the social worker finally called me to inform me that they will be transferring her to the hospital me and the doctor talked about being better for us. I also talked to her psychiatrist who thinks she isn't displaying dementia after a series of questions from me. She too is puzzled why they never removed the dementia off of her health record as well as the lack of proof that she even has it. Which raises more questions to me as I asked her why and how. She believes the 1st doctor who seen her the 1st time must have not thoroughly examined her since she was very confused at the hospital before they transferred her to the smaller one. Instead they only did on CATscan that shown no irregularities in her brain. Which as she is I am who and why diagnosed her with dementia without doing multiple scans and waiting for her to be cleared to be able to live by herself. She feels that the doctors who handled my grandmother before might have not done everything they should have done for her. So she is willing to work with the psychologist and psychiatrist at the new hospital. She feels that I do it is her depression from family problems that seem to have taken its toll on her. So I'm hoping the doctors will work with me and her. I haven't called the lawyer yet but I'm still debating over it. Seeing that somewhere there was a lack of communication just as the social agreed with me earlier. I hope as she gets better they will remove it form her health records..
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As we age the sweetness tastebuds tend to become the most powerful. If she is not a diabetic and can have sugar, sometimes sweetening her food with a little sugar will make it taste palatable to the elderly.
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Thank you for taking the time to keep us updated. Good luck!
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She's doing much much better but she wants to stay a bit longer for physical therapy so she won't hurt herself at home she said. She told me that they kept her in bed and wheeled her around in her wheel chair instead of letting her walk around. I told the doctor how I felt and he talked to her and she said she would like to keep her wheelchair but she wants to move around herself so she can regain her strength before she comes home. A neighbor of mine was telling me to sign her out early while another neighbor said if she wants to stay there for awhile then let her she knows her body better than anyone. So I agreed to let her stay there as long as she is starting to make progress. The doctor also feels that she can still drive as long as she gets out more. We found out that her ulcers came back and thats what caused her losing her appetite as well as the heat. Other than that we had a talk at the hospital and she wants me to go to Cleveland so I can start my life. She said she is willing to move as long as I'll be happy there and she can be close to me if i need anything. However the neighbor form before who said to sign her out early told me that my grandmother won't move and she said not to hold your breathe on it. I told her she wants to go up there and is willing to talk to some realitors and some places there in Cleveland and see where my school is and shopping places and get familiar of the place before we move there, but she kept insisting that my grandmother isn't going to go. She said if she wanted to she would had done that a long time ago and not go now. She kept putting me down about what my goals are and that my boyfriend wants to help out but she said to let him go and do it my on my own and not to rely on anyone to help. Not only did she put me down about having him and letting him help me but about how I have nothing going on for me and even if she passes away she said I won't be able to make it at all regardless of what we have made up for her assets etc...So here I am depressed and wanting to just give up. A part of me wants to keep going as far as I can with or without grandma near me but still be close to her and another part of me just wants to give up completely. She kept telling me to think about what I'm going to school for and how are you going to make a living doing that all of your life and so what if you get into business how are you going to build your foundation if you can't drive her car. She had to compare me to her kids saying how they were lucky to get jobs that pay good but it wasn't what they wanted but she just told me then her son became an engineer and that degree he is working for a big name college. I don't know what to do. Instead of supporting me and saying hey if you can't do that here you can try in Cleveland just go get your dreams but instead this neighbor just put me and my grandmother down.
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The neighbor probably means well ... or maybe not. Who knows? But she isn't doing well. She sounds toxic for your needs. No harm in listening to input from a number of sources. But then you need to think it through carefully on your own and make your own decisions.

Grandma says she is willing to move. When it comes right down to it maybe she will and maybe she won't. But don't base your decisions on the neighbor's predictions!

Try to spend a lot less time with the toxic neighbor. You are doing amazingly well on your own!
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Thank you. A good friend of the family told me to just stop talking with her about person things.He said its okay to tell her she's doing good but if she wants to pry into your personal business just tell her you and her have it all sorted out. He said just try to get out there see something new and knowing your grandma she will make sure you get there so no need to worry about that he told me but he said like you said to avoid people who are bringing you down. You don't need anyone putting you down while you're rising up. Thank you again!
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Here is an long awaited update.
Good news she is home and walking better than ever. the doctor tested her and there is no sign of dementia and her cause of losing her appetite was ulcers which she is prescribed some medicine for that. She is no long on anti-depressants either. She's looking better and is back to normal but we're going to get out of the house more this time. Thank you for the prayers and kindness here :) thanks again!
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I'm don't think that she should have use of a car when she has the possibilities of becoming that confused. The potential for an accident where she and others are harmed is much too great.

But I do want to say that I am amazed at the job you are doing at such a tender age. I also hope that you are able to find her a place in an assisted living facility. You deserve a chance to live your life just taking care of yourself; you have been responsible for too much long enough.
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sorry, i posted the above not realizing there was more to read. you did well i see; good job! and i do agree that you should avoid speaking with the neighbor, she appears to be one of the toxic variety. no one needs anyone like that, they suck the life out of you.
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Oh yes, even she agrees about the neighbor she said their negativity will rub off on you if you let it. She's been doing okay just complaining about how cold she is its 60 degrees here but she said she's cold and it causes her knee to hurt. I tried to get her to use a heating pad but she got offended about it and about the heating blanket so I let it alone so I don't know what else to do to help her feel comfortable.
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