Hey!
So I'll try to keep this as short as possible, my grandmother (90) has been struggling a lot over the past 5-7 years and even more since covid. We have noticed a massive drop in her weight to unhealthy levels, she is unable to hear but won't get checked, unable to see but won't wear glasses and flat out refuses to go to any dentist, doctors or hospitals.
Currently she lives 100 miles away from any family and refuses to move closer. Her neighbour has been helping her but over the last year its getting too much for the neighbour and isn't really their responsability.
She cannot read her mail, sometimes she can't even see who is in the room with her and is very vulnerable whilst stuck in a false belief that she is completely independent.
The major issue we have is over the last few days she has managed to cut open her leg, very badly at that and my partners grandmother (20+ years nurse) came over to check it and has recommended hospital ASAP as its quite serious saying it could lead to ulcerating and potentially unable to walk, she explained this to my grandmother but she isn't fully understanding the gravity of the situation and continues to refuse to go to hospital thinking it will just heal.
We are entirely stuck on what to do and our options, last time we had her down she got very nasty when we pushed any of the matters (Mainly moving) but its getting to the point where we are seriously concerned for her wellbeing and health.
Any advice would be grateful
Even if she refuses to go - then you know you've done your best and you've done the right thing by making sure an EMT has arrived and assessed her - even if she chooses to refuse the treatment.
The EMT's should be able to tell you your next steps on what to do in your area if she refuses their assistance, and who to contact next.
Currently she is staying at ours as her boiler packed up but she refuses to have any medicial professional help and only reason we managed to get a nurse to look at it was because it was a family member she knows.
The advice we have been given is that the cut is so deep and wide she needs to have stitches & requires A&E, even if we call an EMT she will refuse treatment.
I am a nurse as well. Sorry, but I think I would be calling transport by ambulance to hospital. Especially if she is not understanding. I would notify APS in the area for wellness check at this time.
Sepsis can kill quickly. It's what took my brother. Truth is that he would RATHER have been "taken" than to live to face down the Lewy's Dementia, early diagnosis, facing him.
I think if you are not willing to go, see how she is, call ambulance if needed, and file for guardianship (this would indeed be putting an enormous burden on you) you should let the APS know you cannot take conservatorship of Grandmother; this may be a task for the State to get guardianship and placement. On the other hand, if Grandmother is shown to be competent in her own decision she may be transported back home, where nature will take its course.
So sorry. So much harder to worry from some distance away. Sure wish you the best and hope you will update. Tell both neighbor and the visitor nurse that they should call ambulance if worried. I am afraid the neighbor, albeit so kind, is enabling Grandmother's needed care.