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My father had a stroke last week and the Doctor told him he could not drive for 60-90 after he is released. He convinced a friend to take him to where we stored his car. He is now driving around town. What options do I have?
My father was very sick, and the doctor told him he could NOT drive, but he did it anyway, and he wanted to take my mom and move from MN to TX. I was scared and unsure what to do. I called the MN State dept of motor vehicle and found out that the doctor can pull the license, so I called the doctor and had him submit the forms. My dad had to try and pass a driving test, which he failed, to get license back. He was a stubborn prideful man, and this was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew I had to do something. He died a few months later. He could have killed my mom at any point. This was very hard to do, but I am so glad I did. Talk to your dad's doctor at least to ask them to contact your state. At least if your dad passes, you can feel better about his driving. If he fails, then you know it was the right thing to do to keep him and others safe. Good luck!
On another note - my dad was furious, but he was not mad at me! Just like the other folks said, your dad can blame the doctor. The doctor has a responsibility here, so put it back on them!
UM. let the Dr be the 'bad guy' here and report to DMV - he is the professional, and your dad will get over being mad at the doctor, but may find it unforgiveable to be turned in to DMV (and turned against) by a family member. If Dr doesn't have time to report to DMV, see if DMV had a temporary medical form that you can print and have the dr sign OR if they don't have that as an option ---- here is a little bit of trickery ---- get the doctor to sign the DMV papers for a temporary handicap pass for your Dad --- then put that in his car. The temp passes are often a different color than the permanent passes, and you may be able to deter him from driving by telling him that color handicap pass will let police know he shouldn't be driving yet..... He can be in the car, but if pulled over and his name associated with that pass, he has to have someone else driving him. (believe it or not, this trick worked with someone, and after several months of being driven around, they realized they felt safer not driving themselves after that, it also allowed them to keep their car, which is of great psychological value)
My late Mother's sister was another story. She HAD to get to her weekly hairdresser appt. She got confused (as often happens with elders) and instead of putting the vehicle in reverse, drove right into her own apartment bldg. When my mother asked "what happened to your face, Phyllis?" It was all bloody and my aunt say "oh, nothing happened." C'mon now, really!
Countrymouse: I know that you meant well, but the reality is people who have suffered a stroke-either an ischemic or hemorrhagic, depending on age, health and other risk factors either #1 recover with minimal impact on their lives, #2 recover to partially be able to function to their former selves or #3 worse case scenario-decease. That, in no way, is meant to diminish the sincerity of your post. God willing, of course we want the person to fully recover.
I just hope I'm not the other person driving on the road when he's behind the wheel of his auto. What has happened routinely as people age is that they throw fits about having to give up their license to operate a weapon-a motor vehicle. Those were my late Mother's words, e.g. "a car is a weapon." And she was right! I didn't have any problem with her giving up her DL. Actually she knew that at the start of her macular degeneration, she said "I took my car out for the last time today and backed it into the driveway and parked it for good."
The thing is, they want to drive around. But they don't even remember where they're drive TO, or for WHAT. They get behind the wheel of this engine of destruction and talk to dead people and blow through stop signs and red lights like Mr. Magoo. My mother used to wear dark glasses all the time because bright light hurt them - she was driving on the highway, at night, wearing dark glasses - forgot to take them off. I know this because she told me, laughing, ha ha ha.
This article makes many of the same recommendations others have posted here, starting with getting the person to agree to give up (NOT likely in most cases), how some doctors may TRY to help (many either do not want to get in the middle OR consider those with dementia who are "show-timers" - doc may not fully understand in that 15m you get how bad mom or dad really is!) , DMV, etc. It does touch on police, but recommends against that. Details are in the article. Towards the end it does mention taking action yourself. Given that ANY of the other options WILL TAKE TIME AND often will NOT prevent driving anyway, ask yourself this - given a choice of explaining to the police why you have taken your family member's car away (NOT stolen, removed access!!!) OR living with the death of another person/people, which would you choose? That simple action of taking the car away could save lives - your family member, or even worse, another family, a mother or father of young children, or even a child/children on the sidewalk or crossing the street!! Would you want to have THAT on your conscience? I would choose the removal of the car EVERY TIME. Certainly follow up with the other options, which will substantiate your claim and the SENSIBLE need to take action.
Bottom line - if you really feel this person is a danger to themselves and others if they drive, TAKE THE CAR AWAY.
Also consider this: unless the person has the mental capacity left to call the police, who is going to report that you took the car away? Our mother never did, yet being told not to, she would not remember it anyway and would just say they don't know what they are talking about.
Do the right thing - remove access (again, even if doc, DMV, police, whoever, tells the person before some calamity happens not to drive, THEY WILL NOT BE THERE TO STOP THEM FROM DRIVING, will they?) The wheels of bureaucracy are very slow, and might come too late. I would suspect the OP's dad might even be beyond the 60-90 days the doctor said before any of those other options panned out! In his case, the doctor already said no, but we see where that went, eh?
First to MS Randell, please do NOT start and drive the car before having the gas tank completely flushed so you don't destroy the car. Yes sugar will damage the engine, not while driving out after when the sugar cools and the sludge hardens to a ROCK HARD consistency. The ONLY remedy will be a COMPLETE engine replacement.
Second the easiest way to keep your dad from drive it to take the key and the car away from him. Have it stored somewhere he doesn't know about. Cancel all but the compensation insurance on the car.
Your father has rights and most of this information people are giving you is illegal for you to do. It is stealing and if you take their car and or sell it can be grand theft. An attorney will verify this. This is where I got this info from about the legal side of taking car, and keys See if you can get temp guardianship pertaining to his car, driving and license. Then you can do what is necessary for that amount of time pertaining to his driving and car. I say this because I have talked to my local county attorney pertaining to my mother. As most of these answers say dismantle or disable the car. Well some will call AAA, tow truck or just figure it out themselves if they have knowledge of cars but then they can just go buy another car. Some people have the credit or the cash to do so. TALK TO YOUR COUNTY ATTORNEY AND THE DMV and insurance company. Get informed how to do it legally. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail. Get that prescription from his doctor for not driving if your allowed to get info from his doctor. Remind him you absolutely do not want him to loose his license. BUT if some bad thing happens while he is not suppose to be driving the ability to drive will be taken away and there will be nothing he or you can do to help him and most adults to not want this to happen. NO ONE , especially the elderly wants to lose their ability to drive that's their independence.
JNHKid, it's been 4 days since your wrote your original question and haven't been back since. Hope everything is ok. If you could answer some of our questions, that would be gratefully appreciated :)
This is very serious. DMV will take too long and elder may disregard that anyway. Take all car keys. Disable the car. Put the "friend" on notice. ASAP.
Your father is an adult , over 18 and had rights so it is hard deny them to drive. The insurance is a good point. Not valid. Get documentation from doctor, when he drives go to police and show them that, have dads info, car tags, car description, name, age, ect and have them pick your father up and hold him till you get there. Have someone with you to drive his car home. That's about all you can do unless you get guardianship or his license revoked for 6 months. But then people drive all the time without.
The short answer is take the keys and tell the friend you do not appreciate them overriding the doctors orders and should he have an accident and kill someone when he is not suppose to be driving contemplate how HE HIMSELF will feel and is he ready to accept the responsibility because you will have no alternative but to let the authorities know what he has done.
Sounds mean, but unfortunately you will feel mean more than once when caring for your elderly parent and having to go against their wishes.
To OP and all who responded: Although it sounds reasonable to get doctor, DMV, police, patient or whoever to agree, this is not likely to happen. There was no mention of dementia, so it would sound like once the doctor "approves" him, this gentleman could go back to driving.
Also OP did not mention dad's age - a stroke is not necessarily a death sentence or "permanent", and he just *might* be okay to drive IN THE FUTURE. THAT is up to his doctor, but he *should* not be driving until the doctor okays it.
The problem with using doctors, police, DMV is that most of them DO NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED! Our mother's doctors would not contact DMV or even write a letter. Family member in police/dispatch says police only tend to get involved AFTER the fact. It is understandable that these people would have to do the nasty, and do not want to be responsible (and are they just going to take YOUR word for gospel???) As for the patient, MOST, no matter what the condition, are not going to agree. Some won't remember that they did agree...
That said, even if you DID get one or more of them to agree, consider the fact that dad already did NOT listen to his doctor. People who lose license for DUIs and other reasons sometimes STILL drive - illegal, but they do it anyway! The APS route JohnnyJ suggested is a possibility, BUT this will only work if the person is willing to accept this, agree and stop driving. Too often someone with dementia might "agree", but 5 minutes later does not recall one word of the discussion much less the agreement.
Our mom was already having hearing and vision issues, but the onset of dementia was the final straw. There was NO help from the doctors other than to say to her 'you should not be driving' and there was NO reasoning with her. Losing the car, bringing in aides to help, move to AL, whatever - "I'm independent. I can cook. I can take care of myself. I only go a little way to the store." NOPE. Mom, if you go two feet and hit someone, game over... it did not matter, she was still going to drive.
My younger brother did the "talk" and took the keys, with mom looking like a 5 year old having her toys taken away. On the way out, I told him I know she has another set of keys, can you disable the car? He took the battery cable off. THAT was enough to stop HER temporarily. The next day I got the nasty call to bring her keys back (I usually get the blame for things!). I *could* honestly say I never touched your keys. To her query 'who did then' I just said you're so smart, you figure it out. The NEXT day was the nastier call demanding I come down right now and fix whatever I did to her car. Again I could honestly say I did not touch your car. Embellished with I don't know why it won't work (that was the little white lie...), I'm not a mechanic. Given a little time she might have figured out to call a local place to have it towed and 'get it fixed'. We had to take it 'to the mechanic' for her... ;-D (make it disappear)
She had a few expensive accidents years before the dementia set in, but a combination of her asking to fix a flat (it was NOT just flat, the tire was split from the rim to the ground!), white stripes on the front fenders from going in/out of the garage and other minor damage, I told my brothers we need to take this away. For a long time she moaned and complained (notices of cancellation from insurance did not help as they reminded her - that happened before I was able to fully get all bills/paperwork sent to me) about the loss, and this eventually became 'giving up her wheels' being a mistake... Giving up? Sure mom, go on and believe that!
Anyway, disabling the car might work temporarily for this gentleman or others, however if he/they is/are minimally car savvy he/they can fix whatever you disable (**NIX** that sugar in the gas tank idea - if the car has ANY value, THAT will ruin it, and as others have stated it is NOT your car - this could result in legal charges and would be wrong anyway in this case where he might get approval to drive again). Disable something he might not be able to figure out, get the keys and move it to a place "to be fixed" that his FRIEND cannot find. Box it in so it cannot be moved, or better yet, get "The Club" - that steering wheel locking device - it IS cheap and effective. It will not matter if anyone still has a key to the car - YOU will have the key to The Club. I'm sure there are locksmiths that could unlock the car if keys are missing AND can probably defeat this tool as well, so it would probably be best to MOVE the car to a location they are not aware of AND install the club until doctor says okay.
If the car is currently/generally locked, try to weasel the key with a bogus request - want to check the registration, be sure it is up to date, or I left something in your car, need to get it, some way to get in and then install the club... no driving. Rant and rave all you want, talk to your doctor and wait for his ok!
Bottom line, it is best if YOU take the action NOW. There is no time to wait for doctors/DMV/police/APS to decide - those can be brought into play AFTER you get the car away (to those who argue this isn't your car, so long as you have a reasonable reason to intervene and have discussions with doc, police or whoever to back you up, I don't see any judgement being handed down to you for potentially saving one or more lives!!! You need to do the RIGHT thing - it could be one of your own loved ones who pay the price!)
He is not listening to you. Find out where he keeps his car keys and take them away. He suddenly has a spare set of keys that you didn't know about, sugar in the petrol tank will do it or disconnect the battery. Yes, it is hard and ruthless and all that. Next time he could not only kill himself but another person. You don't say how old he is, but elderly peoples reaction time is much slower than ours, regardless of how well he feels. He is a danger on the road, to himself and others. All the best, Arlene Hutcheon
within every state there is an official state office called "Driver Control" which deals with such issues. You will need to call the state department of motor vehicles to get the contact information. They will send you paper work to have the Dr. fill out as to why the individual should not be driving. The paperwork will be sent to Driver Control office and they will contact you to set up a time for a hearing. If the Dr. has provided sufficient information as to why your loved one should not be driving, then thru the hearing process your loved one's license will be revoked.
I've heard even if you take the tires off, they will not notice, they'll STILL bumble out there and get in and try to drive! And some of them, against all odds, are still wiley enough to call a mechanic or AAA to 'fix' the car! Either get the keys or disappear the car while they're away. Be sure to get the pink slip.
Since the doctor's advise was for temporary removal of his privilege, take off a tire, confiscate the keys and tell him that he would hurt deeply if he caused anyone else pain from a tragedy he created by driving when at risk of secondary stroke. Tell him this isn't a power struggle, it is common sense and his juvenile behavior is a threat to his financial and emotional security. Worked (for a short period) with my mother who has late stage dementia.
When my married couple friends would not stop driving after their licenses were revoked, I called Adult Protective Services. They sent someone to interview them and check up on them. I made sure I was there first to explain someone was coming to check on how they were doing after someone made the call and that they had to do this as part of their job. The husband sounded credible for the first 2 minutes or so and then began repeating himself. When he was asked about how they did their shopping, he explained they drove, like usual. When reminded that their licenses were revoked, he acted very surprised and when later asked what he thought they should do with their car, he said "sell it and get some money out of it." At that point, I was able to get the keys (which he had refused to give me a week earlier) and move the car to a friend's garage until we could get it ready to sell. Having APS help me was essential. I had called them to ask for advice about this and they took over and solved it for me. I then would take them shopping once a week and to any appointments they had. 2 months later, we got an early morning phone call explaining that "both their cars were gone!" My wife explained why and he quickly shut up about it, not wanting to admit to about his failing memory. A family friend had called the DMV about the wife's driving and they could never complete the required testing, so her license went first. His eye doctor called the DMV because of my friend's dementia/memory issues and he could not qualify for a road test either, so his license was revoked. Getting the keys and moving the car was the final remedy.
To some reasonable degree, I can clearly understand where he's coming from if this is his only mode of transportation and no one is helping him despite his condition. I don't know what the situation is over there, but all I can say in general is shame on those who are in a position to help others with obvious needs and don't! Around here, people would rather run their mouth's rather than to head to the obvious that's right in front of their faces. People around here must do the best they can with what they have and if people don't like it, they can just step in and help. Public transit is often very expensive and it seems like people companies are often preying on the poorest and neediest. If you ever wonder why some people drive when they shouldn't, now you know why at least in part. It's actually cheaper just to take yourself rather than to pay someone else out of money that can go toward your own personal vehicle. In some cases, some people who can't be on their feet for long or walk for far without arthritis pain for starters must get around the best they can even on power chairs and mobility scooters. those scooters can only do so much and go so far and only carry a little bit. Chairs and scooters do have their limits and around here most of the sidewalks are not wheelchair friendly. This leaves people to have no other choice but to ride out in the street and people who have a problem with that, I need to look at the obvious that maybe people there complaining about may need some help with transportation or even a car. Just from my own viewpoint and personal experience, I see why your dad is still driving, and to some reasonable degree I don't blame him, especially if he happens to live alone and have very few to no visitors. Sometimes you can have visitors but none of which have cars. Sometimes if you have someone with a car, they may be able to take you but their spouse may want an exorbitant price. That's not right. I can see paying someone for gas but not letting someone take advantage of us by ripping us off through price gouging.
I think if your dad had the right kind of help, there is a much better chance he may take a break from driving until he's better, but it must be approached properly by doing so very gently and lovingly.
You may actually try finding out when your dad goes out if you don't already know. If your car happens to be much nicer than his, that will definitely be one up because people like cars that are nicer than their own. Try popping up sometime right before he leaves and offer to drive him but don't pressure, nag, threatening, or push him if he's not willing. Just speak casually and it really helps if you happen to be going the same way to the same place or somewhere nearby. If he's not willing, leave it at that but don't give up, keep trying. I wouldn't put this too close together but definitely make an anonymous police report and even say something to the local APS. If you can get a hold of his medical record and a written statement from the doctor, that will help to pull him off the road even if it's just temporarily until he heals enough to drive again.
One friend of mine had some blocked arteries and when he went to be stented, the doctor doing the procedure noticed his arteries were clear again. This was shocking to the dr. because my friend started taking about 1000 units of fish oil daily. When tests were run, doctors were stunned that there was no longer any blockage anywhere in his system and I think I recall him saying they asked him how he did that and he mentioned fish oil that he was recommended by another doctor. I don't know if he took just one of those 1000 unit capsules or multiples, I don't recall but the best ones to come in I thousand units or higher. I was even shocked when I heard his story and if there's any better time to start taking fish oil, it's now while your dad most needs it. The higher the units, the better. My friend said he was taking fish oil for about four years and now all of his arteries are clear, even the ones that were blocked are now clear. Blocked arteries can cause serious health issues including stroke and heart attack.
PS:
someone on here mentioned disabling or vandalizing the car. This can get you in serious trouble, don't touch someone else's car! Putting myself in the patient's shoes, I wouldn't be so nice if I caught you tampering with my car, you would probably get seriously hurt or worse. Having a car, it actually becomes part of you depending on how bad you need it. This is why I seriously frown on anyone who would touch someone else's car. You're risking your own life because some people out there really will hurt you over their car. Your best bet is to just call the authorities and let them handle it, this is not your place or responsibility to take someone off the road. This is only a responsibility for trained professionals, just let them handle it as they are trained to do. As for getting under the hood and disabling something, I have noticed in most modern cars the only way under the hood is from a release lever (inside) the car. I really like the specific models where you can't tamper around to get under the hood, this would require the car being jacked up, and jacking up someone's car is enough to make them very suspicious. Some people handle the keys so well no one else gets inside of their cars, and they see to it that by securing their cars very well. If the doors are locked, the windows are up, and you can't get a hold of the person's key or remote, the owner is protecting their car, leave it alone. You may or may not realize this, but some people are armed and have been known to shoot robbers for starters. If those people have been known to successfully take down Intruders, what do you think they'll do if you tamper with their cars? Yep, you've got it, you may not live to tell it. Some people are very funny about not only their homes but also their cars. Tampering with either of those is one sure way to get you in very serious trouble and wake up in the hospital or even not at all. This is why you should only turn to the authorities if someone needs to be off the road. Don't take matters into your own hands, stay out of it and it and let the authorities handle it, that's what they're paid for.
As for borrowing the car as someone mentioned, be very careful about this because many people won't loan their cars out or fall for such a trick of "taking it to the shop". I can guarantee that if someone tried to borrow my car because there's broke down, I would simply take them where they want to go, but I would never loan out my car. As for lying and saying something like putting a car in the shop and waiting in definitely for the part, no one in their right mind does that because shops get to customers cars very quickly and get them moving out of the shop. No one in their right mind will fall for that. Not all, but some people even up in years are very sharp right up to the end, watch what you say and how you say it because you never know when big surprises may come in on expecting packages that turn out to be dynamite.
Never try to borrow someone else's car or try to move it. Some people want full control of their own vehicles and some people out there (though not all) are very watchful over their cars to the point they watch them like a hawk and all activity that goes on around them. Some people are very aware of their surroundings, and in the day of security cameras, vandalizing or tampering with someone else's car can definitely get you in trouble these days. It's not worth the risk, don't risk it
You can 'borrow' the car. Have someone drive you back and say 'the car broke down and has to go 'into the shop'. It can stay 'in the shop' indefinitely, 'waiting for a part', etc. Or it can get 'stolen' and you have the police looking for it. Come on, get creative, you can do this!
Best way to prevent driving is to take the car! Have it stored until he can drive. Taking keys or disabling will only work briefly. They always find a way to get keys or have car fixed. With no car he will have no choice unless he rents one!(suppose that could happen)
You can't reason with them. Their brains are deteriorating. Doctors, police, DMVS, insurance companies, YOU, grandkids/Uncle George/Aunt Fanny - all can talk at them till blue in the face. It will not register. They will hear a sound and immediately forget. "You can't drive any more, _____ said so, do you want to kill someone?" You can repeat and repeat and they DON'T GET IT. And will keep driving. There is no reasoning. You must take the keys. Have someone take them somewhere, and find the car keys and take them. Substitute a look-alike key, or a blank, or just TAKE them. If there are no keys, they can't drive. (I took my mothers car keys after a fall, during all the hub-bub, off her key ring and the spare keys in the dresser drawer. She called a couple days later wondering if I could bring over my spare key to her car as 'my father came during the night and took my keys'. Father had been dead 27 years! Well, eventually she let it drop and forgot about driving, and a couple months later we moved the car out and sold it.) I guess I was lucky in that I wasn't nagged and yelled at, but even so, I would have done the same thing, in fact I would have done it sooner. (We thought, oh, Mom won't drive far, she'll just go to the dollar store or the corner grocery or McDonalds . She was going to McDonalds, paying, and then driving away without picking up her meal. She was going to the biggest grocery store across the county and spending $200 at a time for groceries she would never use. She was going to the mall, jam-packed with cars at all times. She was driving to 'church' and ended up 100 miles away. If I had known earlier this was happening, I would have taken those keys much earlier.)
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On another note - my dad was furious, but he was not mad at me! Just like the other folks said, your dad can blame the doctor. The doctor has a responsibility here, so put it back on them!
If Dr doesn't have time to report to DMV, see if DMV had a temporary medical form that you can print and have the dr sign OR if they don't have that as an option ----
here is a little bit of trickery ---- get the doctor to sign the DMV papers for a temporary handicap pass for your Dad --- then put that in his car. The temp passes are often a different color than the permanent passes, and you may be able to deter him from driving by telling him that color handicap pass will let police know he shouldn't be driving yet..... He can be in the car, but if pulled over and his name associated with that pass, he has to have someone else driving him. (believe it or not, this trick worked with someone, and after several months of being driven around, they realized they felt safer not driving themselves after that, it also allowed them to keep their car, which is of great psychological value)
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/taking-the-keys-what-to-do-if-mom-or-dad-won-t-give-them-up-112307.htm
This article makes many of the same recommendations others have posted here, starting with getting the person to agree to give up (NOT likely in most cases), how some doctors may TRY to help (many either do not want to get in the middle OR consider those with dementia who are "show-timers" - doc may not fully understand in that 15m you get how bad mom or dad really is!) , DMV, etc. It does touch on police, but recommends against that. Details are in the article.
Towards the end it does mention taking action yourself. Given that ANY of the other options WILL TAKE TIME AND often will NOT prevent driving anyway, ask yourself this - given a choice of explaining to the police why you have taken your family member's car away (NOT stolen, removed access!!!) OR living with the death of another person/people, which would you choose? That simple action of taking the car away could save lives - your family member, or even worse, another family, a mother or father of young children, or even a child/children on the sidewalk or crossing the street!! Would you want to have THAT on your conscience? I would choose the removal of the car EVERY TIME. Certainly follow up with the other options, which will substantiate your claim and the SENSIBLE need to take action.
Bottom line - if you really feel this person is a danger to themselves and others if they drive, TAKE THE CAR AWAY.
Also consider this: unless the person has the mental capacity left to call the police, who is going to report that you took the car away? Our mother never did, yet being told not to, she would not remember it anyway and would just say they don't know what they are talking about.
Do the right thing - remove access (again, even if doc, DMV, police, whoever, tells the person before some calamity happens not to drive, THEY WILL NOT BE THERE TO STOP THEM FROM DRIVING, will they?) The wheels of bureaucracy are very slow, and might come too late. I would suspect the OP's dad might even be beyond the 60-90 days the doctor said before any of those other options panned out! In his case, the doctor already said no, but we see where that went, eh?
Second the easiest way to keep your dad from drive it to take the key and the car away from him. Have it stored somewhere he doesn't know about. Cancel all but the compensation insurance on the car.
As most of these answers say dismantle or disable the car. Well some will call AAA, tow truck or just figure it out themselves if they have knowledge of cars but then they can just go buy another car. Some people have the credit or the cash to do so. TALK TO YOUR COUNTY ATTORNEY AND THE DMV and insurance company. Get informed how to do it legally. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail. Get that prescription from his doctor for not driving if your allowed to get info from his doctor.
Remind him you absolutely do not want him to loose his license. BUT if some bad thing happens while he is not suppose to be driving the ability to drive will be taken away and there will be nothing he or you can do to help him and most adults to not want this to happen. NO ONE , especially the elderly wants to lose their ability to drive that's their independence.
The father could be only in his 50's and 60's, and the "do not drive" is temporary, a recovery period so to speak.
Come to think of it, the father had the stroke only last week, yet is able to walk, talk, get around, and even get in his car to drive.
Sounds mean, but unfortunately you will feel mean more than once when caring for your elderly parent and having to go against their wishes.
Although it sounds reasonable to get doctor, DMV, police, patient or whoever to agree, this is not likely to happen. There was no mention of dementia, so it would sound like once the doctor "approves" him, this gentleman could go back to driving.
Also OP did not mention dad's age - a stroke is not necessarily a death sentence or "permanent", and he just *might* be okay to drive IN THE FUTURE. THAT is up to his doctor, but he *should* not be driving until the doctor okays it.
The problem with using doctors, police, DMV is that most of them DO NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED! Our mother's doctors would not contact DMV or even write a letter. Family member in police/dispatch says police only tend to get involved AFTER the fact. It is understandable that these people would have to do the nasty, and do not want to be responsible (and are they just going to take YOUR word for gospel???) As for the patient, MOST, no matter what the condition, are not going to agree. Some won't remember that they did agree...
That said, even if you DID get one or more of them to agree, consider the fact that dad already did NOT listen to his doctor. People who lose license for DUIs and other reasons sometimes STILL drive - illegal, but they do it anyway! The APS route JohnnyJ suggested is a possibility, BUT this will only work if the person is willing to accept this, agree and stop driving. Too often someone with dementia might "agree", but 5 minutes later does not recall one word of the discussion much less the agreement.
Our mom was already having hearing and vision issues, but the onset of dementia was the final straw. There was NO help from the doctors other than to say to her 'you should not be driving' and there was NO reasoning with her. Losing the car, bringing in aides to help, move to AL, whatever - "I'm independent. I can cook. I can take care of myself. I only go a little way to the store." NOPE. Mom, if you go two feet and hit someone, game over... it did not matter, she was still going to drive.
My younger brother did the "talk" and took the keys, with mom looking like a 5 year old having her toys taken away. On the way out, I told him I know she has another set of keys, can you disable the car? He took the battery cable off. THAT was enough to stop HER temporarily. The next day I got the nasty call to bring her keys back (I usually get the blame for things!). I *could* honestly say I never touched your keys. To her query 'who did then' I just said you're so smart, you figure it out. The NEXT day was the nastier call demanding I come down right now and fix whatever I did to her car. Again I could honestly say I did not touch your car. Embellished with I don't know why it won't work (that was the little white lie...), I'm not a mechanic. Given a little time she might have figured out to call a local place to have it towed and 'get it fixed'. We had to take it 'to the mechanic' for her... ;-D (make it disappear)
She had a few expensive accidents years before the dementia set in, but a combination of her asking to fix a flat (it was NOT just flat, the tire was split from the rim to the ground!), white stripes on the front fenders from going in/out of the garage and other minor damage, I told my brothers we need to take this away. For a long time she moaned and complained (notices of cancellation from insurance did not help as they reminded her - that happened before I was able to fully get all bills/paperwork sent to me) about the loss, and this eventually became 'giving up her wheels' being a mistake... Giving up? Sure mom, go on and believe that!
Anyway, disabling the car might work temporarily for this gentleman or others, however if he/they is/are minimally car savvy he/they can fix whatever you disable (**NIX** that sugar in the gas tank idea - if the car has ANY value, THAT will ruin it, and as others have stated it is NOT your car - this could result in legal charges and would be wrong anyway in this case where he might get approval to drive again). Disable something he might not be able to figure out, get the keys and move it to a place "to be fixed" that his FRIEND cannot find. Box it in so it cannot be moved, or better yet, get "The Club" - that steering wheel locking device - it IS cheap and effective. It will not matter if anyone still has a key to the car - YOU will have the key to The Club. I'm sure there are locksmiths that could unlock the car if keys are missing AND can probably defeat this tool as well, so it would probably be best to MOVE the car to a location they are not aware of AND install the club until doctor says okay.
If the car is currently/generally locked, try to weasel the key with a bogus request - want to check the registration, be sure it is up to date, or I left something in your car, need to get it, some way to get in and then install the club... no driving. Rant and rave all you want, talk to your doctor and wait for his ok!
Bottom line, it is best if YOU take the action NOW. There is no time to wait for doctors/DMV/police/APS to decide - those can be brought into play AFTER you get the car away (to those who argue this isn't your car, so long as you have a reasonable reason to intervene and have discussions with doc, police or whoever to back you up, I don't see any judgement being handed down to you for potentially saving one or more lives!!! You need to do the RIGHT thing - it could be one of your own loved ones who pay the price!)
Dad: I have a great idea about driving.
Me: What is it?
Dad: I will have your Mother drive.
Me: Dad, Mom is now legally blind [she had macuar degeneration]
Dad: No problem, I can tell her when to Stop, when to drive, when to make a turn.
Me: Ah, Dad, are you forgetting something?
Dad: What?
Me: Mom is deaf [my Mom was 98 years old and over the years was losing her hearing].
I think if your dad had the right kind of help, there is a much better chance he may take a break from driving until he's better, but it must be approached properly by doing so very gently and lovingly.
You may actually try finding out when your dad goes out if you don't already know. If your car happens to be much nicer than his, that will definitely be one up because people like cars that are nicer than their own. Try popping up sometime right before he leaves and offer to drive him but don't pressure, nag, threatening, or push him if he's not willing. Just speak casually and it really helps if you happen to be going the same way to the same place or somewhere nearby. If he's not willing, leave it at that but don't give up, keep trying. I wouldn't put this too close together but definitely make an anonymous police report and even say something to the local APS. If you can get a hold of his medical record and a written statement from the doctor, that will help to pull him off the road even if it's just temporarily until he heals enough to drive again.
One friend of mine had some blocked arteries and when he went to be stented, the doctor doing the procedure noticed his arteries were clear again. This was shocking to the dr. because my friend started taking about 1000 units of fish oil daily. When tests were run, doctors were stunned that there was no longer any blockage anywhere in his system and I think I recall him saying they asked him how he did that and he mentioned fish oil that he was recommended by another doctor. I don't know if he took just one of those 1000 unit capsules or multiples, I don't recall but the best ones to come in I thousand units or higher. I was even shocked when I heard his story and if there's any better time to start taking fish oil, it's now while your dad most needs it. The higher the units, the better. My friend said he was taking fish oil for about four years and now all of his arteries are clear, even the ones that were blocked are now clear. Blocked arteries can cause serious health issues including stroke and heart attack.
PS:
someone on here mentioned disabling or vandalizing the car. This can get you in serious trouble, don't touch someone else's car! Putting myself in the patient's shoes, I wouldn't be so nice if I caught you tampering with my car, you would probably get seriously hurt or worse. Having a car, it actually becomes part of you depending on how bad you need it. This is why I seriously frown on anyone who would touch someone else's car. You're risking your own life because some people out there really will hurt you over their car.
Your best bet is to just call the authorities and let them handle it, this is not your place or responsibility to take someone off the road. This is only a responsibility for trained professionals, just let them handle it as they are trained to do.
As for getting under the hood and disabling something, I have noticed in most modern cars the only way under the hood is from a release lever (inside) the car. I really like the specific models where you can't tamper around to get under the hood, this would require the car being jacked up, and jacking up someone's car is enough to make them very suspicious. Some people handle the keys so well no one else gets inside of their cars, and they see to it that by securing their cars very well. If the doors are locked, the windows are up, and you can't get a hold of the person's key or remote, the owner is protecting their car, leave it alone. You may or may not realize this, but some people are armed and have been known to shoot robbers for starters. If those people have been known to successfully take down Intruders, what do you think they'll do if you tamper with their cars? Yep, you've got it, you may not live to tell it. Some people are very funny about not only their homes but also their cars. Tampering with either of those is one sure way to get you in very serious trouble and wake up in the hospital or even not at all. This is why you should only turn to the authorities if someone needs to be off the road. Don't take matters into your own hands, stay out of it and it and let the authorities handle it, that's what they're paid for.
As for borrowing the car as someone mentioned, be very careful about this because many people won't loan their cars out or fall for such a trick of "taking it to the shop". I can guarantee that if someone tried to borrow my car because there's broke down, I would simply take them where they want to go, but I would never loan out my car. As for lying and saying something like putting a car in the shop and waiting in definitely for the part, no one in their right mind does that because shops get to customers cars very quickly and get them moving out of the shop. No one in their right mind will fall for that. Not all, but some people even up in years are very sharp right up to the end, watch what you say and how you say it because you never know when big surprises may come in on expecting packages that turn out to be dynamite.
Never try to borrow someone else's car or try to move it. Some people want full control of their own vehicles and some people out there (though not all) are very watchful over their cars to the point they watch them like a hawk and all activity that goes on around them. Some people are very aware of their surroundings, and in the day of security cameras, vandalizing or tampering with someone else's car can definitely get you in trouble these days. It's not worth the risk, don't risk it