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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My father was very embarrassed as well when he started to have this issue. I recommended depends. I purchased some for him so he wouldn’t have the embarrassment of having to purchase them himself. He was still hesitant. I explained that a lot of people have this problem and nobody will even know he’s wearing them. I assured him I wouldn’t go around telling people. He said ok. Now he’s not embarrassed to ask me to buy some more or when he needs his sheets cleaned.
The nice thing about Depends for men is they look a little like a regular brief and they pull up and off quite easily like pull-ups for toddlers -same idea. They are a great alternative to embarrassment. The only issue is if things don't quite stay inside the Depend, but that's not been a problem for my father except overnight when he uses pads under himself to protect the bedding.
Be matter of fact and professional. He may continue to be embarrassed, but a professional approach while maintaining privacy as much as possible, will help maintain his dignity.
Although my mother was more or less continent at the time, the bigger issue for her was waiting too long and then not being able to get undressed fast enough (she was in MC at that point.) She gained weight her first year there too, so I had to buy larger undies for her! One staff member showed me how difficult it was getting them on her, and it was undies I'd NEVER seen before! They weren't even hers and were something she'd never worn before.
What we did was just remove all underwear and replaced them with "briefs". She never said anything to me - no clue if she questioned it with staff, but the swap seemed to work fine.
Once she was having issues at night, we also used a pad inserted into the briefs and some bed pads.
That said, if he doesn't have dementia, can you just treat it matter-of-factly? Assure him that many people have "accidents", even those with no medical issues. In his case, hopefully he is under care of a urologist. Is the cancer bladder related? Does the doctor say why he's incontinent? Has he recently started having accidents? Has he been tested for UTI? My mother's first UTI in MC resulted in serious sun-downing, which went away after UTI treatment. The second UTI resulted in night-time bed wetting, as in soaking EVERYTHING - heavy duty briefs, pads inserted, sheets, night clothes.
If all's been checked and confirmed and this is just the way it is, then again, remind him this is normal sometimes and nothing to be embarrassed about. His body is just starting to fail him. It's just better to acknowledge it and get into something clean, which will feel much more comfortable.
Perhaps another approach is to try scheduling regular bathroom trips, every few hours, to avoid some of the accidents?
When you say he tries to hide his accidents, do you mean he is concealing soiled clothing or using ineffective ways to clean up after himself, that sort of thing?
You definitely want to get him some men's Depends for starters(with his money of course). You can hide or discard his old underwear. and replace them with the Depends, calling them his new underwear and not diapers, as that can be humiliating for some folks. And at night you can add an extra pad in the Depends to give him more absorbency overnight. He can also talk to an urologist about trying some of the medications now available to help with incontinence, along with getting botox injections in his bladder, that are supposed to help with that as well. Best wishes.
Beware Botox. While this may be fine for many, it really should be tested in an innocuous place. They tried this for an upper throat problem. I ended up with hives! Unlike medication, there's no way to "stop" taking it once it's been injected. No more Botox for me!
You are not the companion. You are the caregiver --- so now its time to give care. Time to use your assertive voice in a gentle way. How does a nurse in the hospital deal with an incontenent person? Mr. Jones, it's time to change your pants. I know you don't want to, but they appear to be soiled. Then move in for the kill, help him to the bathroom where he gets out of a all his clothes as necessary, may have to have a sponge bath, and THEN into the new (depends) underwear and clothes. Discretely mention that you will get the soiled clothes cleaned for him. You need to take the nurse-approach for his care, then give him a wink and get back to the fun part of caregiving.
I can really feel for the man while in mid 50's developed incontinence.I tried hiding the accidents from my wife but they became too numerous so she being kind ad also a little stern after dr's visit returned to diapers to keep her and bed dry.I might also add have autism+dd but can change my own diaper.
I sent away for some trial packages, when they came in his mail I explained what they were. Mentioned using them when he needs them. Deciding which ones he likes best & I could purchase that type. I think he only needs them when he sleeps, & can't get to bathroom fast enough.
They have to get over the embarassment somehow. Mother was a little embarassed when that started about age 88. She poisoned herself with an OTC product that was supposed to control it. Finally she discovered how common the problem was and found form fitted pants that worked for her. THEN she found out her boyfriend also wore incontinence pants ( dont ask how) But that was the end of having problems for 5 more years. If you dont over react to it and tell them it happens to everyone and find the right product to wear, it becomes only a minor problem.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What we did was just remove all underwear and replaced them with "briefs". She never said anything to me - no clue if she questioned it with staff, but the swap seemed to work fine.
Once she was having issues at night, we also used a pad inserted into the briefs and some bed pads.
That said, if he doesn't have dementia, can you just treat it matter-of-factly? Assure him that many people have "accidents", even those with no medical issues. In his case, hopefully he is under care of a urologist. Is the cancer bladder related? Does the doctor say why he's incontinent? Has he recently started having accidents? Has he been tested for UTI? My mother's first UTI in MC resulted in serious sun-downing, which went away after UTI treatment. The second UTI resulted in night-time bed wetting, as in soaking EVERYTHING - heavy duty briefs, pads inserted, sheets, night clothes.
If all's been checked and confirmed and this is just the way it is, then again, remind him this is normal sometimes and nothing to be embarrassed about. His body is just starting to fail him. It's just better to acknowledge it and get into something clean, which will feel much more comfortable.
Perhaps another approach is to try scheduling regular bathroom trips, every few hours, to avoid some of the accidents?
How far is he able to wash and dress himself?
He can also talk to an urologist about trying some of the medications now available to help with incontinence, along with getting botox injections in his bladder, that are supposed to help with that as well. Best wishes.
Time to use your assertive voice in a gentle way. How does a nurse in the hospital deal with an incontenent person? Mr. Jones, it's time to change your pants. I know you don't want to, but they appear to be soiled. Then move in for the kill, help him to the bathroom where he gets out of a all his clothes as necessary, may have to have a sponge bath, and THEN into the new (depends) underwear and clothes. Discretely mention that you will get the soiled clothes cleaned for him.
You need to take the nurse-approach for his care, then give him a wink and get back to the fun part of caregiving.
product that was supposed to control it. Finally she discovered how common the problem was and found form fitted pants that worked for her. THEN she found out her boyfriend also wore incontinence pants ( dont ask how) But that was the end
of having problems for 5 more years. If you dont over react to it and tell them it happens to everyone and find the right product to wear, it becomes only a minor
problem.
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