Elderly parent being taken advantage of and not sure what to do?

Well, bottom line is that it really lies on the parents and them learning to say no and showing some tough. A lot of parents may be afraid of their children and the retaliation if they pull the plug on the ATM. I have a similar problem only its 2 brothers that are just coming into turning 60. The only ambition they both seem to have is they're daily ritual of drinking beer and smoking weed and neither are quite old enough to get retirement just yet. One has a live in girlfriend that has jumped on to the parasite band wagon as well. If my father were alive this behavior would never be tolerated. It's sad because my mother is such a sweet and giving person now having memory issues which compounds the problem. One brother has managed to con the government out of a monthly disability check like so many and more than capable of working. I can't imagine how bad it would be for my mother. if he didn't have at least that income coming in. I feel like I'm keeping the wolves at bay and it's my own siblings. It's so sad. They should be helping like I do her at this point in life. Maybe the answer discussing it with your parents and assuming control of their banking accounts.

If there is any equity left in the house, a reverse mortgage might take care of the $40,000.

I think it's good to remember that what one should do and can do are not always congruent. In dealing with my own parents finances- at first without POA but with their permission- dad took a fast downturn and was on hospice right before we could set DPOA up - and after dad passed I did have legal DPOA - some institutions can be beyond difficult to deal with. One bank where my parents had their primary checking/savings - rhymes with Cargo - almost seemed to be going out of their way to be difficult and belligerent, not just unresponsive and not helpful. So please keep that in mind. One of my pet peeves in looking after my parents has been all the "helpful" advice from my parents friends and relatives. Telling me "you need to be..." or "you need to have them..." All it did was make me feel incompetent and frustrated. Hell, I couldn't even get my mom to hang up her phone correctly, let alone get her to participate in any financial matters!

Short of calling APS, there is not much you can do. Your mother chooses to enable your lazy brother and refuses to accept your advice. All you can do is let your mother know what can happen if she continues to coddle your brother. If your mother ends up losing the house, it is because she refuses to heed your advice.

Pure and simple - if you don't have a POA and are unable to get a Guardianship for whatever reason, you need to contact whatever agency for elder abuse exists in your community. It is your responsibility to do this and I do believe if you have knowledge of this going in an sit by without doing anything, you can legally be held accountable as well.

they didn't want to just stand by but not sure losing home as issue since wanted to or at least felt best for them to move in with them anyway and wanted what best and they may have wanted to intervene sooner and did to an extent, like said, took checkbook away but she demanded it back, though don't guess had to give it but she didn't want to be looked out for but don't guess that had to matter but they did have concerns for her safety but that wasn't all she was concerned about; she had concerns for the "squatter"/grandson in spite of him "messing" with her that was concerning them; there have been some thoughts regarding what happened but not sure willing to go quite that far; just how far are you saying/meaning you would go?
but, who knows, maybe there might be something - at least, like you're saying, some "thinking outside the box", certainly I guess now, for sure

1Rarefind, I'm so sorry I'm just now seeing this a month later; not really sure how all this works but also not really sure you're meaning to be talking to me about all this, even though you started off addressing me, because I'm not the one having the issue, at least not with my parents, since they're both gone now; it was original poster, who appeared not to have come back on; however, I was dealing with a situation with my husband's aunt and uncle and yes, you're right, it was(is) time to get POA but aunt is like my mother; they weren't (aren't) giving POA to anybody, at least not then so guardianship would have to be the route to go but, not being next of kin - they do have children, at least one who would be considered responsible enough to be given it, so I don't/didn't believe I'd be given it, so...and in reality, although the problem should be stopped, must obviously be is not always necessarily true, although I do agree there needed to be something done but, having said that, I'm not sure (and, like said before, I think, would have to go back to see and would lose this so let me just finish doing the best I can now then see) if I'd found out when I had posted this before what I had or not. I'm not sure there was an issue of them losing their home unless it was over the same issue as op over credit card but, like I said, they were desperately trying to pay them off, but then I think like I said, maybe there is/was a possibility because of their other income that could be attached. Now, having said that, the one main thing I wanted to bring out is they definitely don't have an issue of squatter anymore because - they found him dead last Saturday. So now there's no issue about trying to make provision for letting him stay/have the house once they're gone, which is what they'd wanted to do but hadn't done yet; well, don't have to worry about that now but part of the issue there was the fact they'd already sold the house they'd had and where they were/are living now is in fact next door to their son, who was the one who didn't want that to happen, both them moving next door, but also, since they did, leaving their place or at least leaving him the ability to stay there once they were gone. And, yes, they have brought up the possibility of them moving in with him and his wife, something aunt at least was adamantly opposed to, but not sure exactly what's going on now; since this happened she at least has not wanted to stay in her house with just her and husband; think son's been staying with them, but not even sure about that; right before this happened and might have anyway with this I haven't been as involved as before. Assisted living has somewhat been considered, at least by aunt for herself when she thought that husband would go before her but he would never consider it but then not really sure he's capable of considering much of anything, just thinking, if you can call it that, that he can just stay right where he is, but, having said that then, not really sure he'd still be eligible for just assisted living, but then not really sure not either, since not really sure exactly how it works here; know that where my dad was they called it a social model not a medical one and if you reached a certain point you were no longer eligible but seems to be different here. Will say that found out the situation had been escalating and possibly had escalated, maybe was either known or rather concerned it was going to happen, that "squatter"/grandson was getting aunt/granma to write him $100 checks every day, taking advantage of the fact that she wouldn't/wasn't remembering from one day to the next that she had done so or to look at her checkbook to see. Know that her checkbook had been taken away but she had demanded it back and gotten it but with a note that she was supposed to inform of every check she wrote or at least of those type but either deliberately wouldn't - none of their business - or couldn't remember to, not really sure which, and not really sure who had authority; they were/are on the account but not sure how much that means with a situation like this, especially without the specific legal authority you're talking about, which, like said, seemingly couldn't get POA - possibly - and guardianship quite an ordeal.
Credit/fraud alert not really the issue anymore; that's where the whole credit card thing came from to begin with; that was the original issue with "squatter"/grandson; he either got the credit card or was given it but that's been stopped and closed by the issuing bank after all the charges were racked up, so might do the same with checking, since same bank so should know same issue, but just not sure how being handled but of course no longer issue now but if had kept up, don't see anyway for credit card to still being paid off like was and checks be covered as well.

You can report the abuse. You can reach the Eldercare Locator by telephone at 1-800-677-1116. A trained operator will refer you to a local agency that can help. The Eldercare Locator is open Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Time. Or, you can call 911. Helpful website: http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/Stop_Abuse/Get_Help/Report/index.aspx

Debdaughter, sounds like it must be time to go for POA then, or maybe even guardianship because the problem must obviously be stopped. I really don't want to see your mom lose her home either, but there may not be any other choice if push absolutely comes to shove. As an absolute last resort, you may find that you have no other choice but to let it go, (leaving the squatters behind). You can getting guardianship and actually sell the house. You can take the proceeds from the sale and get her another house in an undisclosed location, (but preferably very close to you if possible). I'm not sure if moving your elders in with you is even possible, but if not, you can always move them to another place nearby. If assisted living has ever been considered, you may have a talk with the buildings manager and tell them what's going on because they should be able to help you. I think such buildings probably has some form of surveillance to see who comes in or out. If the assisted living apartment seems like it would fit, make sure only you and your loved one are the only ones who have a key to get into either the building after curfew or even the apartment. Have a talk with her and tell her not to answer the door unless it's you outside because you can actually call in and tell her you're there as you're entering the apartment. I don't know if assisted-living was ever considered, but this is just a thought to get her out of her current situation. If you can first gain access to her finances through POA or even guardianship, go that route first and tell the elder care lawyer it's an emergency situation and your loved one is about to be homeless due to elder financial abuse. This will definitely speed things up, or it should anyway.

As for the fraud alert on her credit, if you need POA, then go ahead and get it, or your mom is definitely going to lose her home and everything else. You can't just stand by and let this happen because I know you love her and you want the best for her. Putting myself in your shoes, I must say that had that been my family member, I would've already intervened as soon as I found out because we look out for our own over here. My foster sister is older than me, and she knows that I'm well aware of the dangers out there because I'm always telling her to be safe. She also knows I'm very protective of her and I don't want no one messing with her because if someone messes with one of my people, they've messed with me and there'll be no hole deep enough for them to hide in. If one of my family members was being financially taken advantage of, I would do all within my power to stop it, even if it meant having to do some things on my own to bring it to a screeching halt.

*I'm really believing in you because I believe you are smart enough to think outside the box and get very creative on this one. It may be hard, but definitely not impossible if you really think about it. Look at the much harder things NASA does every single day, they do things not because they're easy, but because they're hard. Look at the moon landing and many other things they achieved, all of which were much harder than what you're facing right now. If they can push beyond things like this, I know for a fact you're able to do something as easy as you're facing now because NASA would definitely see something like this as easy compared to what they do every single day. I'm believing in you right now because I strongly believe you've got the brains to succeed because now is a time when your loved ones really need you. Now is also the time you can draw on the strength and support of others as well as their skills. You can get you and your love ones through this, you're smart, you have the brains

lolli, thank you; had I known you had done this, I would not have but it didn't show up on my feed until after I had typed and posted but that's exactly what I was trying to say and I thought somebody else already had expressed that so I was somewhat surprised to see this myself.
Will say, in my case, my parents did pay anything on the credit card bill but then their only income was social security that can't be attached; I don't any of us ever thought about the house but nothing was ever done regarding it; now, in the case of hub's aunt and uncle, been very frustrating to find the checks she's been writing to make payment on that credit card bill, not even just the minimum but considerably more to get it paid off quicker - before they die? because that's just what you do, is pay your bills - yes, even if they're not yours but also they have other income, which is what's being used - my parents didn't have the income, anyway - and could be attached anyway, so another factor and she's been diagnosed with dementia but even that's not sufficient in itself to be declared incompetent; she goes back to the doctor end of the month, see what happens then.
But you don't always have to have an attorney to get POA; I didn't for my dad's, but I didn't have it yet at the time of the credit card incident.
But I agree with you about these things not even being acknowledged as not even just being hard; well, I guess they did end up doing that; but, as you said, not having the legal authority to implement; granted, some people aren't really worried about that type thing and sometimes if you have the right type person they can get things done even if they don't have the actual legal authority but I don't think they would be on here asking for advice; they would just already be doing these things that have been suggested. (now, to respond because I know it's me you're talking about; if you notice, I suggested private msg, which is probably what I would have done if I knew more how to do it; so I'm open to your help but having said that, neither the op - who, if you notice, I don't think has even been back, anyway, so not sure any of this matters - nor any admin, nor anyone else, has complained). Now, I would be glad to tell what's worked, except, to be honest, I've never found anything - I really believe, as has been mentioned, this has and continues to fill a need on mom's part and also I still haven't seen where the fear of mom losing her home is actually coming from.

so, now, 1Rarefind, just to do what I started to do yesterday, we never got anything back from the credit card that was gotten in my parents names; it wasn't used for anything that could be gotten back, so they were just out that, same thing with hub's aunt and uncle but besides that, here I never got the idea all of that was used on video games, just the last bit.
And the same with printing up your own eviction notice; we were told that is not officially legal; yes, it's a first step that has to be done but has no binding legal authority; yes, has to be done for, like you said, if he were to hire an attorney and I understand, with what? but beyond that, no, so he doesn't have to actually either hire one or do anything at that point. And I believe someone has already stated that they/you/ whoever can't take over mom's account without POA to even put on a fraud alert; I had been thinking you could at least do that until in the middle of agreeing with you on that I remember, no, I couldn't, had to get my parents into the credit bureau in person and have them do that and it was a nightmare, don't know if they'd be able to do that or not; only reason I was is I had them in the car with me already having taken them to the doctor and then to make matters worse, it had moved from where they thought it was, which would have been just handily on the way but instead they were way out in the boonies; mom was having a fit, if it had been just any farther than what it was I don't think we would have been able to get it done, so...And I'm getting the idea you're talking about the whole taking mom on vacation and shutting off utilities while gone; otherwise, surely you're not talking about shutting off utilities on mom but either way still don't think can be done if in her name. Not even an issue of being come after by lawyer, just don't think power company will do it; at least they had to be told the person was no longer there; is that what you're suggesting? maybe so, since best I remember this vacation was just a ruse to get mom out of the house, right?
And I certainly wasn't told, or rather was told the opposite, that even that notice to vacate was not sufficient for them to have to get out. And this was by the sheriff's department, since my situation is not in the city limits. They told me that before that could even start to be the case I would have to get a copy of their notice or give them notice to post theirs and then they might watch it. I was also told by the post office I could not have their mail stopped; again, something only they could do, at least not without POA. You say if elderly mother expecting mail but then you say "your" mail, so exactly who and what are we talking about here?
As far as arrest, a homeowner is expected to know what's going on in their own home, part of the responsibility; again, unless there's documentation otherwise, in which case, then, you have all those legal issues of competency and guardianship, etc., with them having someone like that living in their house, but also gets into how they're being treated outside of the strictly financial; how is that actually affecting their life? Yes, I'd hate to see her lose her house, too, but I'm still not sure I saw where she has a mortgage on it, although I think there have been comments re that, but without a mortgage, I'm thinking there's just concern over losing it over these credit cards, which I don't believe would be the case, so I'm still not quite sure where this concern is coming from.
And, yes, I agree, but I don't believe mom would do that and, again, not sure how much of a concern, at least re mom, it would be to them depending on her care but also think would depend on what kind of drugs we're talking about. You keep saying "your" house but we're talking about "mom's" house; different situation but even if "your" house; they told me there are steps that have to be taken first; they won't just come "put them out"; arrest them over drugs, maybe; again, might depend on what they are or maybe not, if it's actually in "your" house and/or if they're under suspicion anyway.
Hope this helps

1rarefind, I understand what you're saying and I had originally detailed my post a lot more but it got deleted when somebody walked in and switched out, I having forgotten I was in the middle of it and they didn't realize, so...having said that, I was trying to be a little nice in just saying it would be hard; I understand doing hard things but I'm not sure what you were suggesting is even possible, so now, first of all - I'm not sure if this is just me but it has seemed if I have to click back to a previous page I lose what I've posted so...since that's what I'd have to do now to see what you actually said I'm going to go ahead and post this and do that

This note is not just for NormandSal02, our question poster, but also many others — particularly and most recently, in response to 1RareFind. First, I am positive that you mean well, but no one on this site should recommend to anyone here something that is illegal. NormandSal02 HAVE NO LEGAL AUTHORITY to do much of what is being recommended to them! The writer says h/she does not have POA and, as such, would break the law if attempting to cancel credit cards, "throw the bum out" OF SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME, open a checking account with Mom's money -- etc, etc, etc, EVEN IF THE BANK OR POLICE PERMITTED THEM TO DO SO -- which they won't! So I beg of you, no one should recommend to people that they do something they have no legal power to do. It's not responsible on our part to do so.

NormandSal02 can only get POA if Mom gives it -- and as long as she is alive and competent she can revoke or reverse their decisions. PERIOD. And IF there is a will, it may or may not be of any help in resolving the writer's concern and it certainly will not give NormandSal02 the right to cancel credit cards held in their living mother's name.

NormandSal02 can only secure guardianship of Mom if one or more physicians (who have examined/cared for her!) certify her as incompetent to make medical and legal decisions and IF A JUDGE is so persuaded. They can't just "get guardianship" -- it takes time, money, witnesses, etc. I am frankly stunned at the number of assumptions that some of us have made. We don't KNOW that the mother has dementia — it seems unlikely based on what little the writer has told the community, but even that is MY assumption. We don't KNOW that the son took out the credit cards without his parents' approval — if Dad had signed checks paying bills for those credit cards the legal presumption would be that Son has permission and then the writer would have to rebut that presumption by proving that Dad was incompetent. A regular merry-go-round! This is a very complicated situation and we have very little information.,

Which is why the best advice ALWAYS — and virtually the only advice appropriate here based on the lack of information! — is to consult an attorney specializing in these matters. NormandSal02 need an attorney for a POA, for a guardianship, and even if there is a Will. The recommendations for "self-help" that have been given so often above will simply slow NormandSal02 down as well as potentially bring them, at best, embarrassment and, at worst, legal difficulties of their own. Sometimes, people, free advice is worth exactly what one pays for it.

The worst part of these recommendations is not that they are "hard" — but that many of the folks making those recommendations ARE NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THEY ARE DIFFICULT TO IMPLEMENT! Some respondents have made it sound as if NormandSal02 should just shake the dust from their shoes and launch forward and, by the way, what are they waiting for? That's just not kind! And the writer needs our kindness as much or more than s/he needs anything else. (Including long discourses among and between people whose replies concern things totally off subject and utterly unhelpful to our questioner! PLEASE lift these people up in your hearts and prayers, tell them what has WORKED for you (not just how tough YOU'VE had it!) as well as what hurdles you had to face to accomplish what you did. And please stay on topic! Thank you all for listening and I wish each of you blessings on your journey.

debdaughter, it really doesn't matter how easy or how hard something is. If it needs done, it needs done. Think of the situation of being out in the middle of the sea and being shipwrecked. In order to stay afloat you must ditch anything extra into the sea to survive. This particular kind of situation is basically the same exact concept, it's just getting rid of the extras that's dragging you down, threatening your survival. It doesn't matter how hard it is, I think of what NASA does, "not because it's easy, but because it's hard." Doing hard things is sometimes absolutely necessary for the sake and well-being of either ourselves or someone else. If we must do something hard, God will be with us to help us through. Even I have had to do hard things, but I'm still here. I'm not saying all the hard things we must face are going to be right all the time, and somethings are going to be downright wrong for which there's help for that. Regardless of what we face in life, sometimes when faced with a wrong situation no matter how hard it may be, we know something wrong is going on whether it's against us or someone else, doing the right thing is often hard and sometimes unpopular. Sometimes you absolutely must do what you know is right, because knowing to do right and not doing it is wrong on your part.

and easteagle, guess that's why don't know much about that whole project; didn't really get to the north end really. I was closer to the Jamaica Plains area, if you know where that is, think it's more considered SE? closer to the Charles River? Funny, had your post up while ago when my mechanic son was here and saw where I'd made the comment about you driving 4WD and he reminded of just where you are - like Boston - at least in the winter, but still wouldn't have thought it but then guess don't think of country up there, like here but I guess you can get out of the city even up there :) did I mention mine's a '99 but it's not 4WD but I do understand, the irony of it all being that the one place I almost got stuck is in said mechanic son's yard. Our other vehicles are all either 4, all, or front WD; I'm the only one with none. I hope your mom was okay with that fall; mine fell down their back steps - which is what dad had done as well, only he fell over them - which is also when we found out they'd been put together wrong, so were way steeper than they are supposed to be - and really scraped up her leg but she wouldn't go then either; the real issue with her and my jeep is when she had an appointment down here re her eye issue and I'd wound up up there in my Jeep because of a long story, otherwise we would probably have been in almost any other vehicle besides that one, but we tried to get her to do the sit in the seat first and swing around rather than putting your leg in - is that how you tried it with your mom? That's nice that your mom's eye specialists are so concerned about her; I never got that feel from any of mine's; I'm the one who had to bring up the Aid to the Blind people in the first place to hers and then after they came and brought the stuff they never came back but it was right after that that her eye doc diagnosed her with dry eye and put her on Restasis, which only made matters worse and worse so I think he got tired of us bugging him for, first, the 3 mos., that you're supposed to give it to make things better, then the next 2 mos. after it still wasn't till those blisters burst. But the other sounds like dad, turned out he had severe cataracts that one was so bad almost couldn't get it taken care of that he wouldn't have his eyes seen about as long as mom was having her eye problem, so good thing both your parents are having theirs seen about. Mom wouldn't use a walker either; it was so bad when dad - maybe I should have thought then he was having problems with his eyes as well - do you have a Publix up there? but he wouldn't take her shopping either

1Rarefind, I fear that pretty much everything you said you and normand sal would find wouldn't be that easy

Tell this bum to go get a job and stop taking advantage of his elders or you will cut him off no questions asked!

I HOPE THE BUM WHO IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS PARENTS HERE DOES GET ARRESTED FOR ELDER ABUSE AND BE LOCKED UP WITH THE KEY THROWN AWAY!

It is painful. USPS would not help when my Mom was getting sweepstakes from all over the world, and mounds of other junk mail. She was writting about 20 checks a day. A family member started using her checking account to pay her collection agencies. Bank of America would not help her unless she would file a police report. An insurance agent sold her a policy 3 months before she turned 85, but made me the owner. Mom is now in a nursing home, I have to pay the 433.08/mos premium on the policy. I have filed compliants with Bankers Life, and the state of NJ banking and insurance department. Mike Kenney, the agent who sold her the policy, claims I contacted him to take the policy out on my Mom. It is a crime what people to the eldery, and get away with with treating them this way. It is a lot of work, and very frustrating. Good luck. If you ever have to apply for medicaid, there will be a several year look back. The board of social services does not take the abuse done to the elderly into consideration. It ends up being add to the spend down period. Unfair. My Mom worked until she was 72 years old.

To debdaughter, I should clarify one thing, "the Expressway" as we call it, is officially the Central Artery or Interstate 93, and the Big Dig was officially called the Central Artery Project. The entire story can be Googled. Also, it is officially the Zakim Bridge, which was formally the Tobin Bridge, and before that the Mystic Bridge, since it goes over the Mystic River, it connects Boston to Chelsea, and the North Shore area. Hope this is not confusing. Eileen from Holliston, MA.

Hi debdaughter, no problem to answer your questions here, I would be happy to tell u what "The Big Dig" is. This is what everyone called the construction project (I think the local people or the Media came up with the nickname for it) but it was also the nickname for the tunnel itself, when The Ted Williams Tunnel was being dug underground and constructed, and it cost millions over budget, it was way over schedule and took years and years to complete, and created a total mess, and tied up traffic all the time. This is when they tore down part of "The Expressway" (officially Rt 93) which was elevated, and went past the TD Garden and connected up to the Tobin Bridge (which used to be the Mystic Bridge). near the North End (Italian section of Boston) and that entire section of road was put under ground, and they beautified that area with the Rose Kennedy gardens. So the whole idea for the project was to put all parts of the which was elevated, and put that part underground. Maybe you saw that area? I hope I explained it OK, also you can Google it, and you will find the exact map and info about the project. We live in Holliston, MA a suburb southwest of Boston, in what is called The MetroWest area, about 20 miles from my house to Boston City Hall, and 30 miles to my Mother's house in Chelsea, MA. I still drive my 2000 Jeep Cherokee since we do many narrow winding country roads in our Town. I am 64 years old, not the expert driver, and I do feel safer with 4 wheel drive, and I do use it in the winter time. My Mother has already fallen several times, nothing too serious yet, and on one occasion we went to her house to take her to have her leg checked at the local ER/Clinic and she could not get into my Jeep. We finally found a way to get her into the car, and when we did, she refused to go. It was a horribly hot day in July, and my husband begged her to let us take her, and then she finally agreed to go. But we did need help from the Security man at the Clinic, to help us get her back in my car. As far as the Aid to the Blind, my Mother has 2 Eye Specialists, and they always want to send them back to her house, because they are very concerned about her safety. She still writes out her own checks, it takes her hours, which she complains about to me, (some days her eyesight is really bad, other days it is OK), and she will not let anyone set up automatic bill paying for her, so she always complains about that too. I have told her many times, that I see many younger women using walkers and they are out walking and shopping at the Mall, but she won't listen to that. My husband and I take her shopping, and also Xmas Shopping, and it takes us many hours to walk, (at a snail's pace) through the Mall. I told her we could zip around the Mall, and hit many more stores, if she would use a walker or wheelchair, but she refuses. So, for that reason, my brother avoids taking her to the Mall, he only takes her food shopping, since my Mother has the shopping cart to hold on to. I will be happy to answer any more questions. Eileen in Holliston, MA.

Actually, the money can be restored back to the victim because all of the stuff the mooch but on her money can be liquidated. Yes, the family can seize sell all the stuff this mooch wrongfully got on here is mom's dime behind her back.

Now as for the utilities situation, what you can do is type up and print out a loan an eviction notice and give it to the squatter. Give him three days to get the heck out, better yet give him 24 hours! 😂 if you really wanted to play hardball, make him get out right then and there. Here's some things I would mention in the eviction notice:

* He never contributed anything to the household: neither food, grocery or other necessity

* He stole from an elder to the point of causing her to lose her house

* He has no rental agreement and is not on a lease

* He fraudulently opened credit cards in an elderly person's name without their knowledge or permission

Making the notice short and sweet but mentioning all of these problems will indicate he's not welcome. This will give you legal leverage should he hire an attorney (on what money)? By time you take over your mom's money and for fraud alert on her credit, the squatter will no longer have access to her money and he'll be screwed. Go ahead and switch off the utilities and don't worry about it, he's not welcome. He can't come after you with no money for a lawyer, and legal aid may not want to touch the case.

Many lawyers want lots of money upfront, and again, legal aid may not want to touch the case. When someone has been notified to vacate, any time spent at that location past the time limit is loitering. If possible, alert your local police department about the problem before leaving for vacation. Show them a copy of the notice and even give a copy to the sheriff. Have them watch over the house on their patrol route to make sure nothing happens to it. Have all your mail temporarily stopped while on vacation. That way, if the elderly mother is expecting any money in the mail whatsoever, the squatter will have no access to the mail. Alert the post office to what's going on, and tell them you'll pick up your mail upon your return. Make sure they don't turn your mail over to no one else but you. If you can afford it, see if you can rent a PO Box, (but don't tell the squatter about it).

As for drug possession and a sting operation, I don't see how innocent people can be arrested if they had nothing to do with the incident, and especially if it turns out they didn't even know it was secretly going on in their home. If the homeowner happens to be the innocent party, I would hate to see that innocent person lose their home and all that money just because someone went behind their back and secretly did this.

* What you can do is as the homeowner:

When you discover someone has possession of drugs in your home, you can report it to police. Explain that you didn't know about it until you discovered it, which is why you're reporting it. Explain that you want the drug dealer out immediately because you really don't want to lose your house and all the money you put into it. This will put you one step ahead of the squatter.

And, Easteagle, just a little for you; my mom's eye specialist also sent the people from the Dept. for the Blind and Visually Impaired out to her house as well, put dots on her washer and stove, gave her a talking watch, I think, a lighted magnifier as well as a sheet one, I think, too, large number thing for the phone and a white cane, but she wouldn't really use any of it either; she also didn't really like the "young" lady who came, felt she didn't really understand old people but I talked to her boss, who was older and did have more experience who helped me to understand about the fears these older people have that I hadn't really thought about; I really think that's what's behind a lot of these behaviors our parents have. My parents never went to the Senior Center on a regular basis either and mom would like to talk to me on the phone, too, as well as a good friend that she had that she was so disappointed when she unexpectedly passed away and she didn't have her anymore. Funny, no way would mom even have thought about paying a cab to take her anywhere and now I hate that I didn't either. We hated it so bad that because of her eyesight she got to where she couldn't really walk outside either, especially since she'd just had hip replacement surgery for her to be able to. But I guess I especially wanted to touch base with you because you live in Boston; (maybe this should begin to be a private msg, so if you want to respond maybe it should be done that way) because I was there for a month under another situation so I'm curious as where you live and about the tunnel - never heard of the Big Dig, curious as where you would need a 4 wheel drive in the suburbs up there - but along those lines, maybe it is the 4 wheel drive part, but we have an All-wheel drive Honda Pilot and before that we had a Jeep Grand Cherokee, both of which, along with most of the people I know down here who are transporting elderly parents, who at least have SUV's that they say are easier, I know those were at least easier than the regular Jeep Cherokee I normally drive but that's because it was too small, as in the doors are small, but now I know the big truck my sil drives is hard for my mil; both she and my mom did do better than something like that with cars but otoh, at least with my mom and some of the others her age, a car itself was too low to get in and out of. Mom did want to come live with us; it was dad who wouldn't do it at the time and we couldn't get any home health aides for her; somewhat, again, unlike later, when we could get them for dad, who talked later about going into assisted living, like also he had the hearing aids that she didn't and would use the walker that she wouldn't as well as the Medical Alert system. Mom just wanted to be independent, not realizing she was actually being less so than dad was by not using all the aids, but I'm not sure what I could have done differently, just like a lot of these suggestions for op on her; I'm not sure how a lot of them can actually be implemented; I tried to keep my dad - and mom - down here when they were here and just pitched a fit, so what was I to do? My dad was older when they had me so you must be older than me - it's my oldest who isn't quite 40 - is there a problem with having the party at your mom's? But I think we can take our lessons from what we're going through

In spite of all the advice, I want to weigh with Christine a bit; that's a lot of the situation with hub's aunt and uncle regarding their grandson; they say at least he's there and he's been a help when uncle has fallen out of bed at night, she wouldn't be able to get him up, not really sure if he could get himself up or not but grandson can just pick up right up; fortunately he's always been there when it's happened but also true he's not always been there but she actually doesn't always know that but same thing, she's willing to "pay" for that security, if you will. He supposedly was supposed to be getting married and moving out but I'm not sure she really wants him to but something always happens and that never does.
But he still a mooch; we're not really sure right now what he's been doing but pretty sure he's been doing something but we also think he's done something that it's caught up with him and and he's actually in jail for at least a month, as well as there are other things going on, but as far as actually doing anything to make any of that happen, when it's not at least he is there and does help somewhat around the house; although we're slated for them to get more help; there was some confusion regarding it so we're waiting to see how it works out. Falls are and have been a concern.

NormandSal02

I certainly understand where are coming from. And families are the hardest to understand or work with. Here are some thoughts regarding this situation:

I would try to get an attorney involved. Making sure that your dad's doctor is willing to say 'he was unable to understand the ramifications of his actions'. Please keep in mind how difficult this will be for everyone in the family.

You could certainly seek a court order Guardianship. I might go to APS (Adult Protective Services) and allow them to take the hit for investigating your mother's situation. APS does not reveal the person who made the complaint. The Guardianship however will be a long drawn out process. Please give this some educated thought (being well advised) prior to beginning the process. In many cases you can protect your mother without a court ordered Guardianship. Although I have no information regarding number of siblings, you might want to have a Fiduciary appointed to care for her financial interest. Experience has taught me that the least amount of intrusion as possible is the better of the two evils.

If you have the option of just letting your brother get out of this situation without any legal or financial intervention, you may want to seriously consider that option. Your mother has endured significant personal loss in the immediate past, more of this intrusion with the legal situation, might be a better answer.

I am sure you are wondering what background gives me insight into this situation. I have spent years as a court appointed guardian. This process is very difficult for not only the person but also the family. I am sure you mean well however no matter the court outcome chances are great your Mother will never get back the funds owed to her and the house will still have to be sold.

I wish you well in whatsoever your decision is.

I want to add to my previous comments, about my Mother who is 91 years old, and living alone. She is also socially isolated during the week, but she says she likes it that way. Her Eye Specialist sent the people who help the Blind in Massachusetts (forgot their name) to her house with visual aids and my Mother they tried to help her, and gave her aids for reading and writing, she put them in the closet and refuses to use them, and she told me that they were very low class people. When I suggested that she try going to the Senior Center during the week, so she can meet other people, she said that she say them on cable TV and they all looked like very ignorant and low class people. As I mentioned before, she wants to stay in her house, but then she calls me every day and wants to talk for 2 to 4 hours, and we really do talk all that time, mostly she complains that she has to pay cabs to go anywhere, and that she can't walk outside, (she refuses to use a walker, a cane, or wheelchair), and she complains when she runs out of food, but she won't call my brother or my cousin, because she does not want to "impose" on their time. They both live about 5 minutes from her house. I live one hour away, 30 miles, through Boston traffic, and sometimes big delays when there is an accident, or when something fall down from the new tunnels (The Big Dig in Boston). The new tunnels are already falling apart. It takes my husband and I, along time to get to her house. So, when I am not there every day, I feel so guilty that it is eating me alive. What I do, and have done in the past, is that I stay with her for either several days or weeks at a time. This gives us plenty of quality time to spend together. One more thing, we have a pick up truck and a Jeep, since we need 4 wheel drive in the suburbs, and my Mother cannot get into either vehicle. So she complains about people who buy such huge cars, instead of "norman" ones. NO matter how you look at it, there is no easy solution. She refuses to come and live with us, or go into assisted living, or to get home health aids to help her. As I said, she is blind in one eye, losing sight in her "good" eye, she is going deaf but would not get the hearing aids that she needed, her balance is off but she refuses to use the walker that she has, or a cane, and refuses to get the Medical Alert system that her Doctor advised her to get. Why do our Parents put us through so much stress and heartache?? We are the Baby Boomer Generation, I was brought up to never question my Parents, and to never disagree, or "talk back" and that has been so ingrained in me, that I don't even have the guts to tell my Mother what her situation is doing to me. Also, every time we plan a Family function, example our middle daughter is turning 40 years old and we are having a party for her - but my Mother insists on having everything at her house. We have done that for her, a big family get-together at her house, just the way she wants is, but now she does not want to come to my house at all, makes up excuses (she is able to get around with some help) and when I told about our plans for the birthday, she insists on having it at her house. Our generation was taught to respect our Elders, which makes it so hard to contradict them, or say we don't agree with their bad decisions. I have tried that, and my Mother was furious with me. I just hope that I don't end up being just like her, if I ever live to that age.

When someone who lives in a home is arrested for drugs, there are laws that everyone there can be arrested. Also, the home can be seized by the DEA.
If sold, the proceeds go to the gov't.
Guess it is complicated, need an attorney.

Very good answers and strategies! It is possible that the homeowner can be sued
if the utilities are turned off, for some weird legal strategy the squatter hires an attorney and says he was a renter or invited.
Take that vacation though, because while you are gone, tenting the house for termites is only one more way to make the home unlivable. When all the food, (and lamps) are removed, no one will want to stay there.
Try the legal route, imo.

Sophe509, the squatter can actually get arrested for drugs since it was mentioned here he smokes pot. There are some areas where pot is still illegal, the family can use this to their advantage if it happens to be illegal in their state. Ohio just recently legalized only for medical use, it's official New Year's day of 2017 when Ohioans can start using it under certain guidelines. However, if it happens to still be illegal where this problem with the squatter is, he can be arrested for possession at very least, and maybe even use. This can either be confiscated by the family and turned over to police for the family can have the police out to the house to confiscate paraphernalia themselves. The family can then have a squatter arrested and a restraining order ordered and enforced. If you think about it, there are many clever and creative ways to eliminate a squatter from your home.

If you follow all of these tips on here, you can eliminate the squatter. I agree with canceling all the credit cards and closing all the accounts. Now for a few more clever tricks:

As for the debit card, I should mention that if you decide to move your mom's money to a new account, secretly close out the old account. When you get the new debit card, keep it in your wallet so the deadbeat has no access to it, because it's in your wallet! Keep your wallet safe at all times when you must lay things down. If you have a tiny wallet like I do, you may want to wear a fanny pack to keep the wallet in, and zip the fanny pack. When you wear a fanny pack, where a big enough shirt to cover it for discretion so the deadbeat won't have any idea where the cards really are. 👍 Let the squatter keep the old cards after secretly closing all the accounts and moving your mom's money. When the squatter tries to use the old card again, he'll get a big surprise!😂

How to drive out the squatter

*One good strategy to start getting rid of the squatter from your moms house is to remove his comforts and stop feeding him. Remove the bed or whatever he sleeps on. *Put a lock on the bedroom door so he can't use your mom's bed. Favorite chair? *Flop down in it and stay there. Have a group of nice strong men come in and everyone flops down on the couch and all of the soft seats, leaving no seating for the squatter. When he's looking for a seat, don't move for him. *If he's already seated in one of those comfy seats, just physically throw him out of it and take his seat.😂*Put a lock on the fridge, pantry cupboards and any stand-alone freezers you have. *If he uses a gaming seat such as a big floor pillow or beanbag chair, remove it along with anything else he likes. You need not get rid of these items but just take them somewhere and store them where he can't find them. *Secretly take your mom on a nice long vacation, leaving the squatter behind and temporarily cut off the utilities while you're gone. Another nice trick on top of that is to remove all the flashlights so he has no light source whatsoever. When temporarily cutting off the utilities, just explain the situation as briefly as possible. Upon your return, just restore the utilities. *Another trick you could also try is cutting off all the utilities from the basement. *Upon taking your mom on that nice vacation, pack up, move her food to a trusted friend or family member and store it there until your return. By cutting off the squatter's food, he'll soon get hungry enough to venture out and find food elsewhere such as a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

Hopefully the squatter will be gone upon your return from vacation. If not, hire bouncers to physically remove the squatter. By now you should realize these are steps to actually drive him out. These are things I would definitely do in a heartbeat, no questions asked