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Margaret, your profile gives important info so I will post it here:
"I am a neighbor and friend to Virginia and her husband. I am closer to her husband because we walk our dogs together and I am worried about him being her care giver as he is becoming crippled with arthritis."
First, bless you for your care and concern. Since you are on friendly terms, have you had a direct, but diplomatic, conversation with him about this? Does he show any signs of dementia? If he waves you off, if it were me, I would attempt to contact their immediate family and appraise them of your concerns. If they don't have any discoverable family, you can let them know that social services can do an in-home assessment to provide care for them, all they need to do is call them. If he seems irrationally resistant you can anonymously report them to APS (Adult Protective Services) to get them on their radar for help, whether he accepts it or not, for the sake of his wife who is vulnerable. If they are members of a church or religious community, I would try to alert them to their needs. If you do not have any legal power to act as their representatives, there is little more that you can do. But if your neighbor has all his mental faculties, telling him what the options are and what it means for their future care, allows him to choose. Choosing not to choose is also a choice! And there will be consequences that affect them. Wishing you success as you attempt to help them!
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Margaret73 Feb 2020
I have spoken to my neighbor and he seems to have chosen not to choose. He values his monetary assets more than his wife and himself. Thanks for pointing this out to me.
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Not sure about palliative homecare but I know with Hospice someone has to be there 24/7. And the nurses and aides aren't. They come about 3x a week. So ur friend will be taking care of his wife most of the time.
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I hope so.
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