My family and I were at the beach sitting on a bench just enjoying the ocean and the beautiful day relaxing. A mentally challenge woman was next to my mother and she started punching her on her arm with quick motions.
My mother was disgusted and she did say "there should be a place for someone like that". Well my brother put his head down and just started saying "what a nut, what a nut. My niece and I just could not stop laughing, the more we laughed the more agitated my mother and brother got. I thought I would pee my pants it was so darn funny. My mother is very prim and proper but that day look out! I wheeled her back to hotel laughing and laughing. I am glad she was not bruised or hurt in any way, though.
Well, Dad would raise up on recliner enough to get the alarm to sound, then announce "darn beans".
Friday i I took him out. I mentioned that the previous day would have been his mother’s 115 th Birthday. He asked me if she still alive.
a side note..my hubby is really picky about water, as in he doesn't drink tap water and didn't want my MIL to be drinking tap water.
My son, never understanding this thing about different waters, brought her back the glass. Hubby speaks up "did that come from the bottle in the fridge or the faucet?" Son goes "Faucet". Hubby gets all annoyed, takes the glass to put the 'proper' water in it.
MIL speaks up (like always) "It's fine Dan! Little tap water isn't going to kill me!" Then she looked up at me, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.."guess it doesn't matter now does it?" And continued to laugh for a few minutes. Even got my son to laugh pretty hard, which doesn't happen often. She didn't let her present depressing circumstances dim her sense of humor! She passed exactly a week later. But that was the last big laugh I had with her!
Talking about the stars.
Me: I heard Mercury is in retrograde.
Mom: I don't even drink Gatorade!
Talking about me getting laid off.
Me: I'm filing for unemployment.
Mom: Oh, you're on the toilet?
so..he got a summons to the State Grand Jury. I tried to explain on the phone, but was told he would have to serve!!
ok. So about a month before the date he was to report, I sent a letter to the clerk of the jury.... I explained that they would need someone to change his diaper a few times a day...and maybe poke him to keep him awake. Since he cannot walk, what time would the court have someone with a wheelchair to meet us at the courthouse door, and then wheel him around as he might need?
Got it a letter within a few days...excused from jury duty.
was it the dirty diapers or him sleeping in the jury box that convinced them?
Umm....how'd you get that suit back? Even she had to laugh!!!
Once, many years ago, she pulls my sis in law and me to the side at a family dinner, Tells us in a hushed and terrified voice that we were BY NO MEANS to use pay phones, no matter where or why we needed them. We asked her why and she blushes brilliant red and says "Phone sex. It's disgusting. You don't know what people are doing with those phones". I almost fell over from laughter. Sis in law is almost crying she's so embarrassed. We had to EXPLAIN to her that people were just 'talking' and she said "they don't... you know....'insert' the phones anywhere then?"
This happened 20 years ago and we still laugh ourselves silly.
my mom died last year but on her first day in assisted living after a bad fall and hospital stay I transferred her directly into AL. I took dad over that evening to have dinner with her in the fancy dining room. Mom was very wide eyed checking out all the residents. As I was shoving her in her wheelchair back to her room after dinner she said THERES NOBODY BUT OLD PEOPLE IN HERE! I told her that seemed like the kettle calling the pot black. She thought for a bit...YA KNOW, THAT OCCURRED TO ME JUST AS THAT WAS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH.
A couple years before after a hip replacement we were moving mom into this grim rehab center. We get to her room, there’s a roommate, a poor old lady moaning constantly HEP ME! HEP ME! (Hillbilly for HELP ME)
finally a nurse comes into to get mom checked in and was going through all the basic alertness questions, what’s your name, do you know where you are etc. Mom got them all right very promptly then asked me WHY IS SHE ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS? I jokingly told her it was a test. If she missed any there’d kick her out. Next question....Mrs ...Do you know who the president is? Mom...YEAH. FDR
Alas, she had to stay.
She became engaged right after her HS graduation, and was engaged for 14 years, until her brothers, who HATED her fiancée, introduced her to my dad.
They were married 6 weeks later.
By the time she entered a local SNF, she’d lived through a stroke and a badly broken hip.
Still tiny and CUTE, she was asked one day some question about her husband.
She responded “Which one?”
When I got home from work I found a message on my answering machine to stop at the office before going in to see her, which was a little out of the ordinary, but I dutiful tapped on the office door and was ushered in.
”ANN, we’re going to need to update your mom’s information. We realized today that we had no information about one of her husbands”.
I’m rarely speechless, but that was some conversation stopper.
It was some of the best care I ever received after the practical opportune joke.
I was in line at the grocery store and the cashier was a young man with gauges (the rings in their ears that stretch out their earlobes). A very sweet looking, elderly woman joined the line behind me.
When she saw the young man's ears, she commented, "Good grief. The holes in your earlobes are bigger than my vagina."
I couldn't help but laugh long and hard. That poor man probably couldn't look at his ears again without thinking of that woman!
One day she called me out of the blue and asked where she could get D-Con in 25 lb bags. I didn't know and didn't think it came in bags that big..so I asked "Why do you need so much?" She replied "I was outside and I saw a mouse, he looked at my back door like he wanted to come in. I can't bear that, I can't bear and animal to be in my house. I want to sprinkle D-Con around the perimeter of the house to scare him away". After I stopped gasping for air at this idea--I told her that D-Con actually attracts animals to it and she'd kill off the neighborhood cats along with squirrels, etc. She said "But he looks cold and I think he wants to come in. Won't the D-CON repel him?" No, Mom, it won't it's not Kryptonite. He's not Superman. Mice don't 'want' anything, really.
I could tell she DID NOT believe me so she went down the list and called everyone in the family with the same question.
Mom was a devout Catholic, but she always had her own perspective. She was a good woman.
Dad: I have a great idea where you don't need to drive us anymore.
Me thinking maybe they will call a taxi so I asked: What do you plan to do?
Dad: I will have your Mom drive.
Me: But Dad, Mom is legally blind [she had macular degeneration]
Dad: No problem, I will just tell her when to stop, when to go, when to turn.
Me: But Dad, Mom can't hear anymore.
[there was silence on the other end of the phone]
Dad: Oh
She had no idea. then she said the best thing about losing her mind was that every day was full of nice surprises.
That was only the beginning of her efforts to fix things.