Wasn't sure if I should post this as a knew question or add it to my previous one titled,
"Can my sister take legal action against me (POA of Mom with late-stage dementia) for not allowing her in my home or to take mom anywhere?"
Please see that post to better understand my situation.
She continues to harass us to point that I do not know how much more I can take!
At the present my sister can speak with her on the phone as often as she likes, and I allow her to come in our home once a week (even though her and her husband disrespect me and my husband by not saying anything to us the entire visit) but I am still being told by professionals, friends, and family to NOT dare let her take our mother with her in fear of her trying to do something crazy.
Anyway, I am trying to find out if I have the legal right to limit her visits to a maximum of every 2 weeks instead of every week?
I mentioned in my previous post that my sister tried to talk mom into moving with her husband 1k miles away, just so she would not live with me. (by the way mom chose me as the POA next in line once her husband could no longer take care of her, well before the dementia was diagnosed)
To obtain Guardianship will require a bit of work on your part. You will have to go to court. It is best if you get a lawyer that knows Elder Law. You will have to file paperwork with the court on a routine basis. But if you think this is in your Mothers best interest and for her safety this is probably the best way to go.
Sounds like your sister thinks Mom has a lot of money. By trying to take her away, bet she thinks she can controll it. As POA you have that power. If Mom in late stage of Dementia, taking her out is something she probably can't enjoy anyway. She probably is incontinent too. You are POA for a reason.
I think the once a week should stay. Just don't allow them to take her out. All kinds of reasons. In continent, confusion, sister is probably a stranger now.
Do you know if I pay the $7,500 fee to get guardianship on top of the POA I already have, if I will be able to rest at ease over the concern that my sister may try to get my mother to sign some legal document that will cause me more headache? In other words will there be anything left for her to try? The reason I ask is that I suspect that may be what the sister is trying to do just to spite me. She seriously can not stand the thought of mom trusting me over her! Especially considering she is the oldest.
Or is it just overkill and a waste of a lot of money since I am the POA?
Anyway, that is just too much money to give a money hungry lawyer and I can't believe I am even considering, BUT I AM!
Thanks so much for the comment!
If an attorney's fees would be difficult to swing, you might be able to get some help. Florida offers the National Family Caregiver Support Program, which is then operated by the local Area Agencies on Aging throughout the state. They offer a variety of services and supports, which might include help with connecting to an elder law attorney (I work in my state's Family CG Support Program, and we very often pay for our caregivers & their care receivers to see a local elder law attorney for things like wills, trusts, POAs, etc.). It might be worth looking into, even for the other services that might be of help to you.
As long as they are civil to your mom and not causing her any trouble, see them ignoring you as a blessing. When I am faced with having to be around someone that I would rather never even see, then they talk at me, ugh, makes it worse. Take the high road and know that mom chose you. If they start any inappropriate actions, ask them to leave. I guarantee that she is intentionally doing everything she can to get your goat. Kill them with kindness.
Pray for her, she has declared herself an enemy.
God bless and keep you and your family during this hard trial.
I have another question for you wonderful people! First let me explain what happened during my sister and her new husbands last visit.
My sister knows that one of the stipulations of her visits consist of her not being alone with mom. Which is our lawyer's, friends and family's advice due to her past record of trying to turn mom against us. They have already disrespected us by leaning in on mom sandwiched between them on our sofa and whispered things to her, while trying their best to make it not so obvious. We had planned to tell them to not be whispering things to her, but have failed to do so thus far.
So with that said, during their last visit they must have planned this. >> My sister got up to go to the bathroom then her husband immediately coached mom to go follow her to make sure you was ok. (like that wasn't obvious, right!) Anyway, my husband was the one that seen it all go down so he immediately jumped up to follow mom. As he approached mom she was waiting, twirling her fingers with a look of profound confusion on her face, outside the bathroom door and when she seen him she called out through the b/r door to ask my sister if she was ok. Anyway my husband hung around in the bedroom across the hallway from them to make sure my sister could not say anything to her without him hearing.
So with all that said my question is, "what should we do to keep this from happening again, w/o it getting too ugly, or being too "ugly" by telling them to please don't try to pull a stunt like that again?" We have even discussed telling my sister that she does not need to bring her NEW/5th husband with her anymore, as really he doesn't even know mother anyway! That would probably be easier to handle as she would not be able to pull future stunts like that by herself.
Anyway, you just don't know how bad I hate that my sister has striped me of all the trust in her that I once had, but there's no doubt she has done just that. I mean I seriously know w/o doubt that as soon as she gets the chance she will fill our mothers head full of nonsense about me! It's just unbelievable!
I did just call an elderly attorneys office and didn't get to speak to a lawyer but the person I spoke with told me that if I was the POA I should tell her NO MORE of that or I will change the every week or two visits to one every month or two. Can anyone confirm that advise is 100% legal? (but man would that piss her off!)
Anyway, any ideas on how to handle this situation w/o pushing my sister to take us to court? I refuse to let her run over me and I am not worried that she will get anything accomplished in a court of law, but I just don't think I can handle going through something like a court hearing right now on top of everything else going on around here, not to mention having to watch her put mom through something like that! BUT I also can NOT take the chance of my sister ruining everything I have accomplished thus far with mom! I am trying to continuously remind myself that my decisions must be based on my mothers welfare.
Thanks for reading.
I would not do this lightly but if they were pulling stunts that distressed my dad, I would have to send a letter telling the offending party that this is a vulnerable human life they are playing mind f**k games with and if they felt the need to continue, visiting would be limited time and only one visitor at a time, since 2 seem to cause undo stress and confusion.
I am so sorry that your sister thinks so little of her mother that she finds entertainment in using her to get under your skin. Wow, what a man she married - NOT!
Hugs!
So yes, I think we are going to take your advice or either eventually have to cut him out altogether. We don't hate him or anything, it's just kind of sickening how he is her 5th husband (met him on a internet date site, one month after she divorced the one prior to him after being married for a whole month, which she also met on the internet!) and thinks he actually knows my sis better than I do. So after only knowing her about 1 yr now he comes bouncing up in our house like he owns the place acting as if he is her savior or something and as if he has a freaking clue about what's best for my mother! uhg!
Sometimes I wish we could just pick up and move about 10 states away! But we can't. Our kids are planted here and my husbands parents will need our help next.
Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated!
Hugs 2u2!
I would put a stop to them hemming her in on the sofa. Maybe, put chairs around a table and here you are.
I would also put him in his place about respecting your home and clarify that he is not your guest and you would appreciate respect and if he can not manage that then he is welcome to wait outside for his wife.
What is wrong with people that have no boundaries?
I can only imagine what has been said that a complete stranger would take such liberties. It is nothing personal it is common decency to treat people with respect in their own home.
5 husband's and your sister wonders why mom didn't pick her. She is a bit clueless and obviously mean spirited to do the things she is doing.
Keep your chin guard up😊 things will surely escalate when you enforce boundaries.
Let us know what you find out about the POA giving you complete authority. Do you have a diagnosis from her dr on her mental condition? I would get that right away if you don't have it. Once she has been diagnosed she can not legally sign anything.
May God give you wisdom and send your sister on her way or change her heart.