My father has dementia. I do his grocery shopping. Lately he’s been asking me to buy a bottle of wine. He’s never been an alcoholic but occasionally enjoys a glass of wine while he eats. I believe he has been having hallucinations lately so I can’t see how alcohol could be good for him, but I’m not sure if it would hurt. I will have to ask his new Dr. (his previous Dr. retired).
The hallucinations are the main reason for concern here. Does your Dad have a type of dementia in which hallucinations are common? That is something you should make an appointment about. If a sudden onset you will want to have him checked for a UTI. And in any case this is reportable to his doc, in which case you can ask also about the glass of wine as an aside during appointment.
My mom is 95 with Alzheimer's and when she lived at her previous ALF, I would go with her to their happy hour and they served one of those 4 oz plastic cups with wine which she drank. She was never told not to drink alcohol.
As with anything moderation is the key - I never provided her with alcohol for her to have in her apartment. However, when I would take her out for special occasions I would get us each a glass of wine and once in awhile a Margarita or alcoholic coffee drink after lunch or dinner.
I guess I just did it by gauging her abilities once consumed. Currently, she is in a memory care unit and I'm not able to go inside the facility but for the first time, I was sent a picture from the director of my mom at their happy hour last Friday. I don't think she had anything to drink but, was there for the live music.
Also, I think since your dad has hallucinations, I would probably be concerned too. My mother has never experienced hallucinations so I would proceed with asking his new doctor just to be sure and to ease your mind.
Make a little happy hour when you visit.
I am actually thinking about doing that with my LO.. well, maybe just 1 glass split between us ..Not sure how that would effect her.
That's a good suggestion and compromise!
Since I was up late last night when I posted my previous response I forgot that you can also try sparkling wine which can come in mini bottles ("MAYDAY'S" comment reminded me of that :) )
It has less alcohol and yet is still enjoyable to drink - even my husband and I will drink it occasionally.
Here is the information on it which I got from "Google"
Alcohol Content
Sparkling wines are lower in alcohol than many still wines. Prosecco and Asti have very low APV (alcohol by volume) levels at under 12.5 percent. California sparkling wine, Champagne, and Cava have a moderately low alcohol content at 12.5-13.5 percent. Some sparkling wines can have a lower APV level.
Do you realize what dementia does to the brain? You did imply that you believe he may be having hallucinations.
What about alcohol? Do you know how it affects/impairs the brain?
It is poisonous in every aspect.
For the sake of your father, please no, don't give him more to harm his mind/brain.
We don't always NEED what we want.
Yes, you are correct. On a forum, there will be many different opinions, suggestions and advice.
At the end of the day, it will be up to the OP what he/she decides.
That's exactly what I was doing. Giving my opinion to the OP. I was not responding to any of the responses.
I know you were just giving your opinion and I was just trying to say I understood your viewpoint. I wasn't questioning you or your right to give an opinion.
I just reiterated that I felt I had been responsible in telling "Martz06" that since her dad had hallucinations, that it would be best to discuss it with his doctor since my situation was different than hers/his.
Back in the day when you had to laboriously write out Doctors orders in about 10 places, one of our Docs, long dead now, was very wordy. More so even than me. Once he wrote out an order for his ancient patient that went somewhat like this:
"Mrs. Feundling has long enjoyed a shot of Wild Turkey at 5 pm. Please supply her with same and chart it on her med sheet. If not available from either pharmacy or cafeteria, please leave the 8th floor, take the elevator to the lobby, exit and walk out the front door. Turn right and cross to the corner liquor story and procure same; charge it to the account of H. Kent Montrose who will likely already have quite the liquor tab at this very establishment".
Names changed to protect the innocent. H. Kent was the hospital administrator. Hee hee. You can bet Grace Feundling got her cocktail, or Dr.C would have known the reason why not.
We almost always were able to give a glass of wine to our elders if they were used to that, and it was OK with their doc. I wonder if that's still done?
My bro's Assisted Living Facility always had a cocktail hour twice a week. Dixie cups. Many brought their own favorite glass.
Again, as with most things, always a good idea to pass these things past the doctor.
Why ask the doctor if it is ok? The doctor don't care if you harm yourself. That's more money for him.
My Dad at one time had hallucinations, was seeing ants on the wall and in his food, turned out it was an Urinary Track Infection. Once he was placed on antibodics, the ant issue went away.
An uncle of mine was prescribed a glass of wine every evening for an eye condition.
Some wine is NOT DANGEROUS.
Of course check with his Dr but I have never seen anything written or other wise that says a glass of wine will harm any adult. Drinking a bottle a night. That is different.
I highly doubt one glass or even two glasses of wine is going to impact hallucinations
Think about it.. what is your concern? Is he going to drink a glass of wine then drive the car?? Go chase the neighbor lady around her kitchen??
He has dementia he is not going to get better, go back to work, start dating someone. Let him enjoy what time he has left doing what he wants to do.
Every evening my Father in law drank a glass (sometimes two) of scotch from the time he was in his 40s until I think he was 91, then he was not able to hold the glass. It was a small thing he enjoyed at the end of the day. His children were always saying how dangerous this was, etc,etc. He NEVER drove anywhere after dinner, He was retired, he wasn't drinking half the bottle everynight. I said leave him alone let him enjoy it, that he did until his last couple of years on this earth.
If there was a problem it was that for his Birthday and Xmas I would buy him some unique (expensive) bottle of Scotch one year I bought a 60 yr old bottle. He apprecieted the thought but could never taste the difference between that and the standard stuff at the store!!! He drank them all the same.
Her dementia started before the move to MC, as much as 2 years, but was very early stages back then, and we had to wait for the place we chose to complete the rebuild and open each level in stages. She was never really a big drinker, but liked an occasional drink. The point here is that she was no longer in the "early" stages, but doc approved her having some. I think there were other residents who were allowed a glass of beer (also not provided by facility.)
I see NO harm in allowing someone with dementia to have one small glass of wine/day with a meal (see next paragraph.) Obviously we're not suggesting handing a whole bottle over to our LOs!!! Assumption is that he lives with you, so you have to ensure he won't dip into that open bottle. Perhaps find a way to mark the bottle, so you know none's been taken on the sly!
That said:
Although it certainly may be okay for those with dementia, it would be best to get approval from his doctor, which you've indicated you plan to do. Primary concern would be interaction with any medication he is taking and secondary would be the hallucinations. Some medications can't be taken with alcohol (alcohol might negate what the meds do sometimes, while other medications can enhance the effect of the alcohol.) If docs says there are no issues with medication or the hallucinations and approve it, I'd let him have the glass of wine with his meal. His time is limited, it isn't likely he's a drunk, just enjoys a glass a wine now and then. Why not make his day a little better, having his "treat"? Perhaps not with every meal, but if he requests it and doc says it's okay, go for it! We all have so little pleasures left these days and it's worse for our aging LOs who have already lost so much. Have one with him and make a special toast!
For some interesting info, see this:
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/benefits-of-wine#bottom-line
I've often read that a glass of wine/day is somewhat healthy for one. Antioxidants and all that. After reading through the link contents, I was bumming because I don't drink wine, BUT it also says:
"Although research suggests that drinking a glass of wine has several potential health benefits, they can also be obtained by eating a healthy diet.
In other words, if you didn’t drink wine before, you don’t need to start simply for the health benefits."
Woo Hoo! I can get the bennies without holding my nose and gagging down a glass of wine!! BUT, with doc approval and father request, go get that wine!
Speaking of MIL, her PCP recently told her to drink a glass or two of wine after dinner, hoping it would calm her down and help her sleep (anyone following my crazy story with MIL will remember she has not slept since I joined the family in '75)....my DH went and bought her the wine and she would NOT be seen in a liquor store and we don't have alcohol sold at Costco here in Utah.
It hasn't made her sleepy, she reports, but I think at least it takes the edge off her awful personality. My DH bought her 2 bottles and said to make it last (joking)..he doesn't care if she chugged both bottles.
Back in my GGfather's day, he was also told to take a 'tot of sherry' for his blood every night. That was over 100 years ago.
Haileybug---calm down, OK? Caring for the elderly is NOT a one size fits all. We appreciate your comments, but we're all dealing with so many different issues--
LOL Haileybug is calm. : )
Remember now, I am not the boss here, OP is. He/she makes his/her own decisions, I just offer my advice/opinion, as everyone else here does.
You do know that wine (even in moderation) (and NO I do NOT drink) can cause/add mental confusion, diorientation. violence with others and so, so much more harmful things? That is well enough reasons right there not to give it to someone. Then a person with dementia at that.
In my "humble opinion", I wouldn't necessary go by what a doctor says, simply because they are human too. They are just like ME, you and everyone else. Just because they are doctors does not mean that they always have the right answer. They may mean well and they may not. Who knows? (I am not knocking doctors by no means) It is what it is.
My husband and I know of Memory Care Units who think it is fine to let their dementia patients smoke with heart disease and lung disease. Guess what happens to some of them? They end up in the hospital. I don't think that is a very wise decion.
Nevertheless, It is people's decision what they do.
On the other hand, when my grandfather was dying and knew he was, I was the person who let him enjoy a night before he died.
In your first situation alcohol could have had very dire consequences. And in your second alcohol can be a comfort to someone in special circumstance.
There are excellent points made in this thread by all. I think OP has a lot of good points from a variety of posters.
I would love to know how OP has chosen, and what factors figured in his or her unique situation.
Dementia steals so much from them, why not continue with a nightly glass that she enjoyed. And we will all die of something. If drinking the wine has a risk of death then give me more.
If I get dementia, I would rather die sooner than later. And maybe, just maybe, I it hastens deat
We got home together, back to my Mom's place that we were moving her things preparatory to giving up her rooms. Sat together on the sofa having a big glass of wine, and my bro looked at me and said "You know, if I thought that cigarettes would take away one week of my life for every one cigarette smoked, I would take up chain smoking". That good man never did take up smoking, and had to live to 85 facing down Lewy's Dementia.
gladimhere, I am so with you. If I thought that a glass of wine would take away a week for every glass I drank down, you would have to pry the wine bottle out of my cold dead hand.
Thanks for my Saturday morning moment of levity.
It is always a great idea and advisable to ask the doctor 1st. Make sure he can have wine with current meds.
Two years ago for a while he took to drinking a high ball size glass of white wine like it was water at all hours of the day. So I resorted to watering wine quite significantly and he never noticed. Saved me the argument and threats about not providing wine and kept him out of trouble. That was just a phase.
So unless he's on meds that have strong contra indications I would give him his glass of wine! Seems like he lives alone from what you say, so may be you can buy the individual serving cans, bottles or even glass shaped containers they sell today.