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As my mom is becoming less mobile, sometimes I have to hold her up and put her in her chair, bed, or commode. The string of verbal abuse I get from her when I touch her isn't pleasant. I try to keep my cool, so I walk away as soon as she is safe. We had another episode this morning, my sister came over afterword and my mom told her how sorry she was for yelling at me and started crying. My mom is like that, if she really likes a meal I prepare, she tells my sister, same when my sister does something she likes, mom tells me. I'm getting off track, my question is would medication for mood help? or hurt? I joke to myself I need to get one of those tranquilizer dart guns like they had on Wild Kingdom back in my day. My niece is a CNA and that's how they handle unruly patients (they "snow" them). It does sound a little extreme, but she has been bitten, spit on, peed on, kicked and punched. The have to protect themselves as well.

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You are asking us to play Doctor? You should be discussing your mom’s situation and condition with a doctor, maybe a geriatric psychiatrist. My personal opinion from what you wrote is maybe she is suffering some kinda of neurological pain. I do not know because I am not a doctor.
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They’re definitely worth a try. A proper dosage of the right medication can be a game changer.
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Are you causing her pain? Can she tell you what hurts exactly? Is she on pain meds? Maybe there's a different way you can move her (though I guess there aren't many options).

The constant complaining, etc. is very difficult (as per your profile). You kind of have to learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. Don't take it in and let it bring you down. Expect it. I tell my sister, expect conversation to be boring, repetitive, negative, etc. If you don't expect it to be "normal" then I find if to not be quite so difficult. Still not fun though!
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Medications are prescribed by doctors.
Your Mom needs to be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist, maybe as an in-patient in a geriatric behavioral health facility.

I understand that the stress and being so close to burnout in this difficult situation with your Mom could cause you to need anti-anxiety meds for yourself. You showed wisdom by calling your sister.

Consider that your Mom currently needs more professional care than you are able to provide. It should never be a goal of treatment to "snow" the patient under with medications by the family.

Do not take the advice of your CNA niece, who likely works in a facility where she would not be qualified to administer those meds herself to handle unruly patients.

If you are in danger as well as your Mom, remove yourself from the caretaker role altogether. Skip the joke: " I joke to myself I need to get one of those tranquilizer dart guns like they had on Wild Kingdom back in my day". This could be a sign of burnout.
You can joke once your Mom has passed.

So sorry that you are the recipient of abuse from your Mom. Protect your Mom and yourself, find other caregivers for her.

I hear you!
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CTYankeeinOR Aug 2021
Thank you for you support. No, I don't want to "snow" her, that would be cruel to both of us. She takes Oxycondone once a night, that's it. Been on that for years. Maybe the PT will help, but I think she is just frustrated with her situation. I can't blame her, when she hurts I also hurt. I have a dark sense of humor, so don't take offense. Yes, it was inappropriate for me to joke about it. We all handle caregiver stress differently. My sister had a dream last night where my deceased dad told her he was proud of me for taking care of my mom. I don't put much belief that he was actually speaking to her, but I've heard of things like that. Peace to you.
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Yes - you should call her doctor and explain and or set up a neuro psych Eval/ or geriatrician (they have more insight on medications for different disorders - brain related - age and dementia related etc).
They will have better ideas to bring you and her a better quality of life.
Meds can take awhile to take affect or even find the right dosage/type so they may also be able to give her something to take the edge off while the long term med takes affect.
It does get exhausting - I hear what your trying to say here - you love your mom and life would be better for both of us if we could find a balance for moments like this. It is valid - your not looking to drug your mom - you are seeking a way to make it more peaceful for you both and recognizing that is step one. Best wishes
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For what it’s worth, I was in a bit of a mess after our house burned down and the neighbors were suing us for a huge and fraudulent amount of money. When the doctor wanted to put me on anti-depressants, I said that I felt anxious rather than depressed. He said that anti-depressants were far less addictive and concerning than anxiety drugs, that he would need to monitor anxiety drugs carefully, whereas with anti-depressants he wouldn’t be worried if I stayed on them permanently.

That may not be relevant for you, but it’s one option that may be easier. Best wishes, Margaret
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