Hello!
My 89 year old mother is in Memory Care and she most likely has metastatic lung cancer. She has moderate dementia. Cancer diagnosis pending biopsy. We would not persue aggressive treatment , We are in favor of keeping her from knowing her diagnosis as she has always been an anxious person and we dont want her last days on earth in mental distress about the cancer. Has anyone had an experience with dementia and cancer and what are your thoughts about telling or not telling a person they have it. I will also get some professional advice but it would be nice to hear personal experiences. Thank you!
Don't put mom through a biopsy if you aren't going to pursue treatment. Get palliative care for her and then hospice.
As far as getting her affairs in order, everyone should be (financial, legal etc.) because no one knows when their time will be….her mom may outlive many of us who still think we might live forever.
The doctors wanted me to tell her but I can't see any good reasons to, I want to help my mum have as much quality of life that she can. Who would gain anything from telling her
Other people chimed in with ridiculous ideas. A friend's family thought she needed to change her diet to organic. The cancer had already eaten up a good bit of her body by that time, and no food was going to help, only chemo, which didn't have a chance of working and didn't.
It's really not necessary to broadcast others' health care info. It's no one else's business and opens you up to a bunch of worthless opinions that do nothing but stir things up at a difficult time.
You say she is an anxious person...no need light that fire by telling her something she can't really process or do anything about. Hospice can make her comfortable as things progress.
I forgot to mention, his regular doctor wanted him to get a pace maker after his heart failure diagnosis which my family and I refused to do. He wouldn't have survived the surgery.
https://www.webmd.com/lung/lung-biopsy-what-to-expect
Once you read this, you'll see that no lung biopsy is a good idea for an 89 yo, even those that don't require general anesthesia.
And no, no mention of the C word should be made to mom at all.
Best of luck.
Switch your mindset to palliative and/or hospice type of care for the rest of her life. I wouldn't want to know. And I wouldn't want to spend my remaining time being shuttled to the doctor for tests and/or treatments. It's stressful and unnecessary, IMHO.
Best of luck.