My husband and I are childless, with four nieces. We want to find a way to make sure our nieces are not burdened with care decisions as we age, since they have parents of their own to worry about. Does anyone have experience with handling this situation? We do not have long term care insurance, as it is not affordable for us. We do own our home, and would sell it if need be. Is a guardianship the answer? My sister and I care for our mother, who is in long term care, but our mother was left well-off when my father died. I am anxious to try to set our will and future plans in order, since we are in our 60's. We have a will, but it is out of date.
Thanks for all that you contribute to this forum. A million hugs! 💗
I know someone who was suffering with suicidal thoughts. His uncle happened to be a therapist. He confided in me that he only wanted his uncle to be an uncle and nothing more.
Same with this. It will change the dynamics of your relationship. Unless you feel comfortable with it I personally wouldn’t want my relationship with my nieces or nephews to be anything other than aunt & uncle/nieces & nephews.
for your new, downsized life with the same enthusiasm that you planned your marriage and career. Face your health issues and make the necessary adjustments.
1. Talk to your nieces and see if they are interested in playing any role in your long term care.
2. Loved the statement of getting your will up-to-date, that is a must. But this time, go to a Elder lawyer, they specialized in helping seniors with their assets and long-term care plans. Talk to your current lawyer to see if he/she has suggestions.
3. There are also companies that will come in and help you set up your personal wishes outside of the will. I know two nurses that started a similar company called "The Final Path" and they do Legacy Planing and End of Life Consulting. Not that you are there yet, but a good conversation with them can help you to start thinking about "What are your needs other than a current will outside." www.thefinalpath.com
4. Talk to your current insurance provider and see what they are offering. Staring in Januaruy 2019 Medicare is suppose to start to covering Homecare. They aren't ready yet, but keep on top of your provider, so when they are, you are informed and prepared.
Lastly, you are not alone. I run a home-care agency and I find your situation is not that uncommon. There are more seniors who have no children or live a great distance from family. So they are faced with your exact question.
I give your extra points for starting to ask questions and gather information before an emergency approaches.
Remember the quote from the GI Joe cartoon series, "Knowing is half the battle."
Gather your information and
Stay Inspired,
Shonda
My husband and I chose his nephew's wife who is honest, sensible, practical, shares our religious beliefs, and doesn't need our money. We discussed our decisions with her, so she knew what she was getting into and gave it serious thought before she accepted.
We are primary POA and executor for each other and co-trustees of our trust. She is our back-up as POA, executor, and trustee when one of us dies or becomes incapacitated.
She has been given written instructions about our final wishes, and I keep her updated on the assets we own about annually or when there are major changes--like a sale of property.
I have instructed her to receive payment for her services.
There are geriatric care case managers who will do these jobs, so that is another option.
Note: We don't expect nor want her to take care of us personally, just to use our assets to hire the help we need.
We also have made a deposit at a CCRC, so the option of moving there will be open to us when we are no longer able or desirous of maintaining a home.
We considered LTC insurance, but decided against it. And, you still have to have someone make the decisions about care and apply for the insurance, etc.
One more thing--your plans are not written in stone for a time far in the future. A will and POA can be changed as long as you are mentally competent. You prepare these plans in case you die or become incapacitated tomorrow or sooner.
So git 'r done.
None of us knows what tomorrow holds and it's great to want to help, but we all need a back up plan or original plan that doesn't count on individuals. Things happen and then what.
I am childless and single and I have already arranged for my own burial and have appointed a DPOA and a health POA as well as made out my will and have an executor for my estate. My lawyer will help my executor with any problems. In my will I have asked to have all my property put into an estate sale to liquefy every thing so whats left can be dispersed as my will says. In the mean time I am getting rid of all the junk I have saved over the past 85 years so whats left will only be the bare necessities and anything that one of my heirs might want like family photos etc. I have also got NH insurance just in case, I hope I have thought of everything but of course no one can so I did the best I could.
We should all plan exactly as she did. What a gift to give to your loved ones.
I am cheering for paternal grandma and the tremendous love and respect she showed her family.
Try to make a plan for each turn life could take over the next 20-30 years and get advice from a elder lawyer.
My husband and I are also in our 60's, very active, and are thinking through this issue and planning. I think it is terrible for people to leave a cluttered house for relatives to clean up and sell off. Thoughtless if there is not a significant value, or if it is not an estate with perpetual care.
So true. You are very thoughtful to think ahead.
My beautiful God Mother never married and has made independent choices all her life. She is in assisted living and is planning her death by Medical Assisted Death in a few months.
I think finding the right attorney is truly the most difficult part.
Let us know how it goes.
We have a legal firm (a certified elder law attorney, you can find one at www.nelf.org.) that is a licensed fiduciary, we have put all of our wishes in writing and named each other as POAs and the legal firm as back up, in the event we both catch the bus at the same time. We have the legal firm as a springing POA with specific requirements that will need to be fulfilled to spring. We also have a Living Trust to protect us in the event that one passes and the other becomes incompetent.
The most loving thing anyone can do for their loved ones is to put it in writing and get it in order. I think parents should do this so their children aren't faced with having to be caregivers and decision makers when facing a crisis with their parents. It is hard to do, you have to face your own mortality. We set this up 20 years ago and recently updated it, I was troubled looking at what we need to do to make sure our wishes are followed and no one is put in a rotten situation. So, be prepared for some mixed emotions.
Have questions ready and written down, your personal situation, ie assets, desires for your money, if any left, and those types of things when you meet with the CELA, this will make the consult productive and help you decide if they are the firm for you. I do recommend a larger firm that has been in business for a while, you want to know 10, 20, 30 years from now that you will actually have your representation still around.
I would not see an attorney that wants to charge you for a consultation, you will be the client and you are deciding if you mesh with this person and firm, they should be willing to give you that time to decide if it is a good fit, for me that said they were to hungry and would nickel and dime us to death, those ones got struck off the list. We met with a half dozen or so attorneys before making a decision. You will get a lot of information from these consults, we updated our questions after each meeting because stuff was brought up that we didn't think of, as well as our original questions and how each one dealt with those helped us make our decision. Spend the time and you won't be disappointed.
I would discuss a Trust for your home. I say this not to defraud Medicaid but to protect your house. Medicaid allows you to keep a home but not upkeep on the home. By the time you are on medicaid you have only 2k in the bank and SS and pensions go to offset care. So unless a family member keeps up taxes and utilities the home sits until sold. Then the catch with that is it has to go for market value so can't be marked down. If someone has kept it up, no guarantee Medicaid will allow them to be reimbursed.
Do you have any bonds? If they are over 30 yrs old cash them in and invest them. After 30 yrs they no longer collect interest. Our investments don't go thru probate.
Not sure if you can set up guardianship for yourself. POA should be enough if you pick the right person and no one protests her authority. Guardianship is expensive and usually is gotten because there is no POA and its found that a person is incompetent to handle their lives. Has to be filed with a court and Judge determines if guardianship is needed and person filing is the correct person for the job.