My 93 year old mom with significant dementia has one helper who is successful at getting her out for car rides, going through the drive through, etc. Sounds good but lately it seems like she then has a rougher rest of the day. I understand the stress of getting out and being in a new environment. Should I tell the helper to stop taking her out?
What haven't the GP, geriatrician, psych-geriatrician, hospital specialists tried? Since I posted the previous response a month ago, things have gone from bad to worse. Mother's 24 hour circadian rhythm has spun out to 36-48 hours, which is very trying for staff when she is awake, yet very concerning when she sleeps for most of a 24 hour period. She is impossible to wake, such is the depth of her slumbers. She has had a number of CT scans and nothing remarkable is detected.
Recently I asked members of this forum for any ideas about the constant tears, but no one had any definitive answer as to why it happens let alone what can be done about it. Believe it or not, I was grateful that there seemed to be no solution forthcoming. There is so much experience among members here that if no one has a solution, or even a direction to try, there probably is no answer.
Mother has reached the stage where she stares right through us, then says she hates the other residents, then uses her feet to propel her wheelchair over to the other residents where they either stare at one another, or have 4 different conversations between themselves, which make no sense, but no one listens to the other anyway.
Of the 20 residents in this memory care unit, 7 were taken out for Christmas festivities. I understand trying to settle them all that night when they returned was a nightmare for the staff. My mother did not help matters much either. After an out of routine lunch with my sister provided by staff, a few small gifts, some soft music, some private chit chat, she was more tearful than usual. She rolled out of bed a few times, slipped out of her wheelchair and grazed her head, and was generally uncontrollable.
Taking her out in the car would have been a whole world of pain for both her and my sister. It was simply not worth even trying. Fortunately mother has stopped asking now.
The only light in her life is the weekly visit when my sister takes the cat to the facility. Even then there are times where she shows no interest, does not even stroke the cat. One day she even shooed it off her lap rather abruptly. That is just not the mother we knew. She would rather cut off her arm than upset her precious moggie.
My mom is in the stage where she likes a short car ride and an ice cream cone, but does not handle a family get together at my house very well. She gets confused and wants to go back to her apartment.
He enjoyed walking through Sam's Club and Costco. Both have wide aisles and large carts for him to easily walk. (I would leave his usual walker in the car)
But when it got difficult to get him into the car safely and out safely I stopped taking him out.
I know he still would have enjoyed the ride but his safety was first.
Same with your mom if there is anything that is upsetting to her, a change in the routine or if it becomes unsafe the rides have to stop.
Can she take her for a walk? A ride in a wheelchair? Just getting out for a few minutes might help.
(If you are in a cold area and if she is using a wheelchair don't stress about putting on a coat the "usual" way, put it on backwards so the opening is in the back. This will protect her torso, chill is blocked by the back of the chair and a throw over the lap and legs will keep her warm enough for a quick walk)
Bottom line is ...you are the employer, if you don't want mom out for rides because it stresses her out and you have to deal with the fall out later then tell her no more rides, end of discussion.
Usually after these events, most especially when she has been triggered by something as minor as a loudly banging door, she is very very difficult to settle. Does not matter the time of day, either.
She keeps saying she would love to go for a drive but her world has shrunk so much over the last 8 months we are convinced it would be too traumatic.
I rather suspect it is a habit request rather than a genuine desire to take a ride, a bit like wanting to go home but not able to remember what home is, or where.
Tornadojan, I would ask the carer to keep observation notes about each trip, note anything that might trigger an adverse reaction...say, raining, heavy traffic, people staring, loud music...and see if a pattern emerges. That pattern will tell you whether and when to stop the trips. I would love to be able to take my mother for even just a ride around the block, but the repercussions are too distressing for her, for us and most particularly for the wonderful staff who have to pick up the pie es when we leave.
😊Praise God for you and your mother, aging gracefully👍.
Keep her this way as long as her body can handle it, but also be fair to mom; she lived her life in retirement, Let her get some REST and not Burnout.
I think the caregiver means no harm, just trying to keep mom's pep in her steps😊. It just have to be explained what is being noticed. Mother may not feel comfortable telling the caregiver.
I'm sorry that she has a tough time after her drives. I would try a few things, like napping right after she gets back. But if it ruins her day, the ride has no value.
Bless you all.
I wouldn't just assume that the helper should "stop taking her out." Find something that works that doesn't stress your mom out. Maybe there's a specific place she likes to go? Maybe its as simple as walking to the mailbox? Maybe tea on the front porch while watching the birds?
My point is... I think it's great that you have a caregiver who's willing and able to get your mom out for a bit! Work with your caregiver to find something that is truly enjoyable for your mom while your mom is still willing and able to try. A comfortable routine is important, but the trick is in finding what works. :-)