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my fathers companion of 45 years passed 1 week prior to moving to AL. Her son is abusive to my father emotionally. The son has blamed father for not being in the will. He has gone so far as to caling the sheriff and asked for me to be removed from my dad's property where his mother is sole owner of the mobile home on my dad's land. He has just had the power shut off to try and get me out. We have the service on Saturday for his mother, dad's companion , and now my father is contemplating not even going. He doesn't ever want to see or hear from the son ever again. He has also threatened me on the phone. He is whacked and thinks I am here only for money. I know my dad's property will be given back to the state for asset recovery. That is his only asset. He is fully on medicaid and gets to keep his 200 living allowance per month.

Yes, talk to the director at the AL facility, or the head nurse and social worker if the director is unavailable.
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Reply to mstrbill
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You can call the local police and ask for a volunteer to escort dad to the service. This does 2 things, puts the situation on the police radar and let's this person know games are not going to be tolerated.

If he had the authority to have services disconnected, how? Where I live, not just anybody can mess with your utilities. Heck, they're in my name and I can hardly implement change. Notify the local utilities that someone without authority is doing this, that should stop it.

This situation can turn ugly, please get it on law enforcement radar, remember Dateline isn't a weekly production because it is always someone else.

Yes, as POA you have the legal authority to stop anyone from seeing dad.

Best of luck dealing with this situation.
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BurntCaregiver May 14, 2024
Well said. Always make sure the cops know what's going on.
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Are you PoA for your Dad? Is he cognitively competent? If he's competent then he needs to make the request of the facility. If he isn't and you are the PoA, you make the request on his behalf. Provide a picture and notes. You can get a restraining order against him but it will be interesting if you are entangled with him over inheritance issues once your Dad passes.

If your Dad was never married to his companion, I'm not sure what will happen to her possessions. Most states do not recognize "common-law" marriages. You may need to consult with an attorney, as her son may be the legitimate heir to the mobile home and you may indeed be required to move out. But if the property is in your Dad's name only then you are the legitimate heir, along with any other siblings, unless your Dad creates a Will and names an Executor.

FYI regarding Medicaid recovery... they will put a lien on the property, they don't "take" it. So whoever inherits it or purchases it will need to satisfy the lien before they can take possession of it. If the mobile home was not in his name at all and they were not married, it may not be subject to the recovery since it's your Dad's issue only.

I would consult with an estate attorney.
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Disckitty May 7, 2024
Just the land where the home sits is solely in dad's name. I do understand, so does he, regarding the lien. I guess I can technically put a sign in the window requesting the moblehome be removed as it will be abandoned. I have researched this issue for Oregon. I could actually charge the estate "rent" for having it on Dads property. But I am not that kind of person.
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If you dad is competent he can request that certain visitors are not welcome.
If you are POA for dad you can request that anyone that would upset your dad be denied visiting privilege.
If you are threatened you can call the police, you can have a restraining order issued. (please keep in mind a restraining order is a piece of paper, legal yes but paper none the less and will not stop someone if they are intent on harming you so keep your phone on you at ALL times)

If the son is heir to the mobile home he would have to legally evict you.
If that happens a Sheriff would have to be there while he removes the mobile home from your fathers property.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Disckitty May 7, 2024
This particular son was left out of her will. He lives 6 hours away. I am only here for 2 more weeks. I just came to be here to help them transition to AL. But she passed unexpectedly. I am only on the TOD. I do have DPOA. I doubt he will ever come back here, he, but if he does I want to let my dad know he can request that he not be allowed to visit. My dad is very competent.
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Thank you everyone. I have Dpoa. My dad is very competent. I will advise him of this information. The home will be sitting abandoned on my dad's property once I go home. Her kids were given the moblehome in her will. It needs to go through probate. This particular son is Not in the will. He called the power company and said he was her son and no one was at the home. They did it. I had to go to 2 "supervisors" to get a name.they turned it back on later.
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Are you the POA.
Is this person a danger or disruptive?
Then, yes, you can probably forbid visits.

I am sorry but I don't fully understand property rights here, who lives here and who pays here and who is kicking whom off property.
I can only suggest that you consider a "restraining" or stay-away order through the courts, or at least see an attorney for your options and for some guidance here.

I wish you the best of luck and your Dad as well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Yes, you can request that this son not be allowed in the facility to see Dad. Dad, if competent can request it. I was asked to make a list of people that could take Mom out of the building so there must be a list of people not allowed to visit. Make sure to make it clear, he is not Dads son but his companions. So, no blood relative.

The son has it all screwed up. Does the mother have a Will leaving the trailer to Dad? If not, the son needs to get that trailer off of Dads property since it was solely owned by the mother.

If his mother was sole owner, then I guess all the utilities were in her name. As such, the son has a right to turn off the utilities. His Mom is dead so she is no longer responsible for the bills. You will just have them put in your name. Though, Son also can have you evicted. You could offer to buy the trailer but then like u said, Medicaid will put a lien on that property when Dad passes. But then, a trailer can be moved.

Why does son think he is entitled to any of Dads estate? His Mom just lived with your Dad and even if married to her, he is not Dads son. And who told him he would not inherit? A Will should be private. What is in it is between the lawyer and the person having the Will written. The Executor should not even know not until the Will is probated. That way no one gets mad until the person is gone. The son cannot even contest, because he is not related.
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Disckitty May 7, 2024
Her will leaves her personal property to a her kids there are 5 ( except him) he is not named in the will the others are. One of the other siblings shared the will with all. Probate has not even started. This mobile home is considered personal property. Not real property such as the land is. It is dilapidated and 35years old with decades of no maintenance. The value is about 10K and it will cost 18K to remove from the property. The property is very remote 1 hour from the closest services/ town.I am walking away in 10 days. My dad is safe and cared for. That was my sole purpose ( more so after her death)
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That 200 allowance may be part of his assets so it needs to be spent. In my State, the asset cap is 2k. A Personal needs acct can take someone over that 2k cap. So do not allow it to accumulate.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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As awkward as it sounds. You can hire security for the funeral service. A friend of mine had an extremely abusive husband. He beat her up terribly. She and her children escaped to a safe house for a while.

She got a restraining order against him and divorced him. He found out that her dad died and tried to use his death to get near her again, by saying that he was going to attend the funeral.

My friend’s brother hired security to make sure that he could not enter the funeral home.

Your dad should be able to attend his companion’s funeral. What a tragic mess that you are dealing with. I am so sorry.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Anxietynacy May 7, 2024
Or a few very large male friends, that understand the situation and can stand by the doors and tell him he is not wanted.

My husband is 6"5 gentle as a butterfly, nevers been in a fight, but all his friends want him around because no one messes with them when he is there.

2 of him would be perfect
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Sorry to hear your father is having to go through this as well as grieving his companion of 35 years.
1. Your Dad has the right to refuse to see his deceased campanion son. If possible don’t tell son which facility and have your father state that he’s not allowed. If he shows up call police and have an elder abuse restraining order filed.
2. When will goes to probate you or your father need to fill a claim with the probate court to have the motor home removed from your father’s property .
When the time comes to sell your father property the value will be less due to a dilapidated mobile home that has to be removed. The bill will have to be paid by her estate before any inheritance is distributed. So you must fill that bill with probate court. Have a company come out now and have them give you a detailed estimate so the court has a document. The other heirs of course could have there own company come remove the mobile home as well. You can even ask for rent space or storage for said motor home as well.
Wish your father and you the best during this difficult grieving process.
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Isthisrealyreal May 11, 2024
Great advice, thanx!
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If you become his legal guardian, you the have the right to limit who sees your father.
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BurntCaregiver May 14, 2024
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Where I live you can't prevent people from visiting in assisted living but you can in memory care.
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BurntCaregiver May 14, 2024
You can if there's a restraining order and it would not be hard to get one in a situation like this. The guy harrassing the father isn't even a family member. All the AL would have to do is call the police when this guy shows up. Then explain to the police that this guy shows up to terrorize an old man who doesn't want to see him. Then let the cops take it from there. He'll stop coming around.
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Disckitty: DO forbid visits by this individual.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Yes, the AL most certainly can prohibit this person from visiting your father or calling their facility. The two of you should tell the administrator of the AL that if this person shows up at the facility, they are to call the police immediately and he is not to be admitted.

You and your father should definitely talk to the police then go over to the courthouse and petition for a restraining order against this person. They will grant it to both of you. He is elderly and you are living on private property (his property).
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