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My mother made me DPOA. I am her only child, she lives an another state. Noone has ever asked me for permission from my mother first before they speak to me, not even a bank or her healthcare provider or psychologist. So why is it that an attorney would ask for permission from my mother first before even answering a question I had, which was pretty simple. I wanted to know what she had on file with the attorney that was valid at this point in time. Nowhere in the DPOA document does it state I am limited to asking questions or receiving information or need to seek permission first from my mother or anyone. It isn't because I have done anything wrong here, just so people know, but she has, something illegal with the trust my parents had and I think she conned me into thinking things would be different between us after what she did and didn't do, let me know anything of any substance. My dad passed away in 2017 and warned me about something happening should he pass away first, and it did. My dad made me his health surrogate and she claims she never knew about it, then denied that he ever did that, even when I told her my dad called me to specifically inform me of that and more that one day he reached out to me, then he had to hang up abruptly, he heard her coming in the door. She was emotionally abusive to me and my Dad and now it continues, financial abuse. She's a narcissist personality disorder, so callled mother and not just because there's an inheritance at stake, but my dad's wishes are being trampled on by her and I think her having a problem with me being close to my dad and she wasn't. They had a bad marriage and she takes medication off and on, effexor and I don't know what else, but I have a police report which I just received where she scratched my dad in a fight because she wasn't taking her medication and that was few years ago. She will not take an alzheimer's screening, and at 82 I know she has memory problems and is becoming more hostile and rageful by the day, mostly to me. I have reached out to her psychologist and he claims he is looking into it. I went to a psychologist a several years back and she told me to completely cut ties with my mother and I didn't listen to her for one reason, because if I did, I wouldn't have had a relationship with my dad. He was an enabler and it hurt him I found out when we didn't speak sometimes for a whole year, because of my mother starting trouble. She's also a control freak and an emotional vampire. I was on the phone with her a few years ago and I was standing up and felt a sharp pain in my lower back, I kid you not, like a knife. I went to my chiropractor and told him and he thought it was due to the stress of her. My dad asked me to step in for him shortly before he died , he was concerned about the money and wanted to make sure I had some for later on in my life but she doesn't and even via a lady bird deed transferred my parents home into a new trust in her own name. Which was illegal to start with. I found out totally by accident on the county's public document search. I would advise anyone to check that out because when you can't get information, sometimes you might find things through that avenue. At 55 years old even though I am not perfect, I still wrack my brain sometimes and ask what did I do? Nothing in particular do you have to do with a narcissist.

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I think you have a basic misunderstanding of DPOA. As DPOA or POA you are still acting FOR and with the PERMISSION OF, and under the direction of the person who appointed you as POA. You have ZERO right that are not directly conferred by the permission of your mother. She is in charge of her life, her finances, her privacy, her home and etc. Apparently, at your age of 55 she is still in charge of your life and your choices, also. I agree with the psychologist; it is time to sever ties and move on with your own life. It is very easy to resign as POA for a person.
There is still time to step away. If you choose to stay then it is time to understand it is your choice to do so, that basically you are unpaid help for your mother as a POA. You are slave labor. By your choice. And it won't change, but only get worse. You do this by choice, at her whim and bidding, and all you do is done under her direction, and according to her wishes.
See an Elder Law attorney to get it set in stone in your mind that it is your MOTHER who has the rights here, until she is incompetent. If she is incompetent you may need to get guardianship. This can cost upwards of 10,000 and in this case would be as thankless, in fact MORE thankless than your current position.
As to any money that may or may not be left "for you" out of all this, it is highly doubtful there will be any. Step away and make a good quality of life for yourself. Or stay, and understand that the abuse that has ALWAYS BEEN THE CASE will not change.
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Thank you. You are so right. I understand my mother has the power to make the decisions but what has happened to me which I did not go into earlier was simply when me and my mom had a three way conversation with the attorney who drafted the DPOA it was agreed that I would get copies of all of what they drafted. The problem is this, when I emailed the attorney's paralegal for a copy of a deed they were supposed to re-do for my mother which she paid for, they have not responded to me, nor have they drafted the new deed, which the county confirmed. When someone agrees to give you a copy of a document then doesn't draft it and you inquire as to an update and aske for a copy then get ignored, I think there might be a problem. I was told by them I could ask questions at no charge and have emails back and forth with giving me some information I asked for, just not a copy of a deed my mom paid for. If they have to ask permission now all of the sudden which they didn't even tell me, then there is a problem. Never before had I needed any permission to ask a question, so what happens if she is just being a monster and says no, then you are right on, I should resign not only as the DPOA but her daughter. Thanks for your help, even though she is this way, my mother, I wanted to do the right thing, but have to do the right thing for myself. My mother had committed breach of fiduciary which is very serious, with the aid of an attorney, that's what this is about and I have grounds to believe she is still doing it through the DPOA. I hope noone out there ever has to go through this ever, seeing a crooked attorney keep ripping off seniors and people like my mother why cry crocodile tears and lie about her crime. Most people think it's the seniors who get crimes done to them, and I'm sure that is the case, but there are times when it is the senior committing them, as in this case. My mother's brother on top of all of this, changed his own mother's will and sold her house and took it all. I'm not like that but she is unfortunately. I say we need reform in this country to all the people on here who I've read about, the caretakers who are taking care of sometimes abusive people and ruin marriages, effect their children's lives, have to find money for guardianship and attorneys which sometimes they don't have and even if they do, I'm sad over what I have read about people running themselves into the ground because they feel guilty or a duty. That's how alot of us were brought up and I applaud that, I was too, but in the right vein, not in the face of abuse and possibly the loss of a life, you are right AlvaDeer. I admire many of you on this forum for what you have done for your families and your strength in doing it, especially in the face of abuse. This forum has helped me realizing how many good people are out there, not just in the advice they give, but helping people by sharing their experiences. :-)
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I agree with Alva.

I am surprised anyone talked to you. Unless your DPOA was immediate, Mom needs to be incompetent to handle her finances and medical. Until she is, your POA is not in effect. The reason the lawyer would not talk to you.

Read your POA see if its says immediate or upon incompetency. Then read it to see what your responsibilities are. Like said, you may have to just step away at this point. I would not have the POA revoked, you may need it in the future.

Didn't Mom share ownership of the house with Dad? If so, how could there be a Ladybird deed? And if in trust, who benefits from the trust when Mom passes? A trust is usually set up for Medicaid reasons. I would think Mom set this all up with a lawyer?

I know a woman who owned her own home. She remarried and he moved in with her. Her Will said if she predeased him, he would be allowed to stay in the home until he died at which time it reverted to the children. Did ur Dad have a Will? He could have made sure u were taken care of.
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MrsJDM12 Jun 2020
The DPOA is immediate and very broad. What happened was this, my parents had a joint trust, he passed. The trust then became irrevocable. She started acting non communicative a month or so after he passed and I tried to help her, and my dad wanted me to step in but she wouldn't have it. I asked her for a copy of the trust, she never answered even though by law I was entitled to it. Long story short, I had to seek counsel who sent her just a friendly letter to which she ignored. Had to end up sending her summons for something I was legally entitled to see. She defied the court and my attorney and sent an invalid certificate of trust, no signatures and the successor trustee was the lawfirm. No beneficiary info was provided. She didn't want to provide a copy of the trust so she tried to pass off this document in place of it. A trust that was never restated. Then she had to hire an attorney and we got the trust, the valid one, where I am successor and beneficiary. They gave no accounting and I was entitled to one. They wouldn't even provide a copy of the home's warranty deed to us. I went to the property appraiser's website and found it, then also found out there was a lady bird deed there, which transferred out their home into her own name which violated the terms of the trust. We figured the assets would have been next. Her trust had the attorney's firm as successor trustee and administrator, great setup and he would have had control over her, and what I got if I ended up with anything. He could even as trustee make accounts in his own name, and not even in a fiduciary capacity. It was like if you could imagine a thief who was also an attorney drafting a trust to benefit himself in every situation that was it. She had no reason to do any of this, and I'm not sure if she's in her right mind at all. She told me she went to this attorney for a health surrogate and came out with a trust, then she said she didn't know she had the trust. Should I go on? It never got before a judge in the right capacity, I was pressured into voluntary dismissal and with the promise she would fix the situation. Now she is doing the same thing with the DPOA which I never asked for. Telling me she was going to revoke that second trust, hired someone to do it, then told me she paid this lady for nothing and that the guy who originally drafted it revoked it for free. I have no proof now of what she did since the firm she hired to revoke the trust was supposed to do a new lady bird deed and they didn't. So that tells me one thing, she probably changed her mind and her second trust is still alive and well. Why else would I not get a copy of the new deed I was supposed to get. I can't find another explanation of how a house could supposedly go to me, and be out of probate yet not be in a trust or a will. Yes, my dad should have done more, I agree, other than warn me about her. He didn't divorce her he told me for two reasons, he didn't want to give her half of what he had and that he was afraid he wouldn't have me in his life like he should, he wanted me to have a father. Sad but true I'm afraid. I went to trust experts and every single attorney who looked at the documents knew what happened but beware that trust attorneys if you can't afford the $5-10,000 retainers might offer you contingency fees which are great, but they will also take 40% in most cases of the estate, and if you don't know what the assets are, then you can end up with nothing.
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