An elderly relative has been staying at a home for elderly for the past one and a half years. I used to take her out in my car to take some fresh air. She likes to go near playgrounds to hear children playing or to watch flowers and trees (with her limited eyesight).
Since last May, the doctor in charge of the home said that she will not be allowed to go out any more except to go to hospital because of her incontinence and because when she returns back she is aggressive. However, the nurses insist that when she goes out she returns back calmer!
Is his doctor's decision justified? Can a dementia patient be locked inside for good until he/she dies? The home does not have access to a garden and the only window she can look out of is in the dining room and it overlooks a main road with cars passing by.
I worry a lot because I feel that this treatment is unfair. Has anyone passed through this experience before? Do any alternative solutions exist in such situation? I appreciate your comments because I am wasting sleepless nights worrying in vane about her inhumane 'therapy'!
But. I suspect that what the doctor, or more accurately the facility as a whole, has a problem with is not fresh air and sensory stimulation but the person's safety in the hands of an untrained caregiver. Were your trips to the playgrounds bringing you into conflict with the staff or with another family member?
It is very far from satisfactory that this home provides no access to the outdoors for its residents. If you look at common designs for new-build memory care units, they are often arranged around an enclosed atrium so that residents can walk around safely without leaving the premises.
Who is actually responsible for your relative's care? Have you talked to this person about your concerns?
I understand your concern. If these outings are causing problems, it could be that the doctor is playing the bad guy especially if there are conflict issues between family members.
And if she is disorientated on her return, why do carers urge me to take her out?
Why would the doctor need to play the bad guy?
If there is family conflict, I can well understand why the doctor feels the need to play "bad guy".
But the nursing staff say that the trips, far from agitating the patient, improve her mood?
And there has been a handover of curatorship, from whom to whom? Do you have any relationship with either person? Is it a good relationship?
The reason it matters if there is family conflict over your relative's care is that when there is conflict then the best interests of the relative can get rather lost in the ding-dong of family arguments. It becomes less a question of whether the relative really benefits from the outings, and more a question of whether Family Member 1 can boss Family Member 2 around or not, and this is bad news both for the relative herself and for the staff charged with her care.
But I'd be happy to hear that no such thing is going on with your family. If so, then you want to return to the doctor and the manager and ask them to explain the apparent discrepancy between their understanding of your relative's state and that of the nursing staff.
Instead of getting angry yourself, accept this change and visit her there when you can. Be cooperative in her care and you will be less stressed as will the resident and staff.
From, a member of a dysfunctional family.