My mother has Alzheimer's and aphasia. The nuerologist I took her to says she's needs to be in assisted living. My mother refuses to go so I hired a care giver to come to her house three times a week while making plans for her to stay with my sister. My sister lives alone while I still have children at home with me. My sister's HOA won't accept more than 2 dogs and she has a dog. So my mother who has a dog used the care giver to get a rescue dog. Now she can't move in with my sister. She made me terminate the care giver. She wants me to go to her house every day, which is difficult. So she gets mad and brings the neighbors into her home, and of course they are horrified by her living conditions. They called me out on social media accusing me of neglect. I don't know what to do. She refuses to give me power of attorney. The doctors bring it up every visit and she gets very nasty about it. I thought about getting guardianship, but in Florida it can cost up to $7,000. She is a mean person, always has been. My childhood was horrible because she always pitted everyone against me and I carried the pain alone because I didn't think anyone would believe me. However, my husband has been a great support because he sees it first hand. So now I'm going to give the dog back to the rescue and my sister says she will come out and get her, but I know she won't. She has been saying she'll get her for a year now. She has given so much to my sister and clearly favors her, yet my sister has left her care to me and she was furious I hired the care giver. She even had reported her to the police for stealing my mother's credit card, which I don't think she did. I feel like my sister doesn't want to spend the money for the assisted living and doesn't want to deal with her either. She has been dropped on me and I have no power to do anything. I'm considering calling APS to check in on her and take over. Sorry for the rant, but this has affected my job and my sleep. I find myself binge eating and not exercising any more. I'm tired all the time. And it pisses me off that I am being judged so negatively by everyone because of this. No one understands.
Walk away from the abuse. Let her become a ward of the state if she is deemed unable to care for herself.
Let this craziness stop with you.
I honestly cannot blame your sister for not wanting your mother to move in with her - it's a terrible idea, anyway - but dragging her feet about it instead of just saying no is not helpful.
Never mind her! - and never mind stupid comments from people who have no idea what they're talking about or what you've been trying to cope with. Good luck with APS, call them TODAY, and let us know how it goes.
The other posts have great advice. Please remove yourself from this toxic situation -- your mother is NOT your responsibility!
What are her finances like? Would she qualify for Medicaid? I hope her "help" to your sister won't disqualify her for a penalty period.
And block those neighbors from your social media. People just don't understand that you cannot make someone do what they don't want to.
I would NOT get guardianship over Mom. She will make your life hell. And the state requires at least a yearly report of her finances. The state could always become her guardian. The only way you could walk away is if she was put in LTC. All her needs would be met. An AL you still would be responsible for personal items.
Just because she wants to be a burden to you, doesn't mean you have to let her.
Call APS and report that she is non compliant and you have no authority and you are worried about her living in an unsafe situation.
I am sorry that she has actively tried to hurt you for your entire life. No guilt when you say asta la vista. Bye bye mommy dearest.
Don't worry what anyone thinks, if they won't listen to both sides of the story they'll think what they want. Our friends should defend us, but not publicly without knowing what is really going on. Shame on them, but social media has taken social graces out to the trash.